Determined to make a change!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 20
Determined to make a change!
Hi everyone!
I briefly posted under another name here last year but didn't like the name so much so I changed it. :-P
In the last year I have tried several times to quit, once got to day 11, but usually never past day 3. This time I am more determined than ever to make it happen, circumstances be damned. There are so many good things about sobriety, why do I keep stupidly choosing otherwise?
A big problem is my environment. I work on a cruise ship, usually in the Caribbean. But no matter where we are, it's a drinking culture all the way, and in my job even more so. I often am hosting bartending class, pub crawls,
evening parties, and other drinking-related events. The culture among the crew here is also very much one where an abnormal amount and frequency of drinking is accepted, as 'ship life'.
I am planning my exit from this career but need to stay for now for the money I can save. I do still think I can quit this here (I'm not waiting any longer!), but I think it will take a bit of isolation at first to get past the
toughest days and kind of re-identify myself as someone who is not going to go out and get wasted at the bars all the time.
Going to a group is not really possible right now as ships are like small towns and getting caught at a meeting (by guests or other crew) could start people talking and maybe even cost me my job. Seems funny, you think it would be worse to be seen drinking than to be seen actively abstaining from it, but whatever. So I want to get more active posting here, and I'm also reading a book ("The New Template for Recovery", and any other suggestions anyone has I would love to add to my iphone library!) and making notes on the points that I can look at later to help deter me from picking up a drink again.
Thanks very much everyone for reading and I hope to keep up with you all in recovery!!
PS: On day 3, and looking forward to getting to day 4!
I briefly posted under another name here last year but didn't like the name so much so I changed it. :-P
In the last year I have tried several times to quit, once got to day 11, but usually never past day 3. This time I am more determined than ever to make it happen, circumstances be damned. There are so many good things about sobriety, why do I keep stupidly choosing otherwise?
A big problem is my environment. I work on a cruise ship, usually in the Caribbean. But no matter where we are, it's a drinking culture all the way, and in my job even more so. I often am hosting bartending class, pub crawls,
evening parties, and other drinking-related events. The culture among the crew here is also very much one where an abnormal amount and frequency of drinking is accepted, as 'ship life'.
I am planning my exit from this career but need to stay for now for the money I can save. I do still think I can quit this here (I'm not waiting any longer!), but I think it will take a bit of isolation at first to get past the
toughest days and kind of re-identify myself as someone who is not going to go out and get wasted at the bars all the time.
Going to a group is not really possible right now as ships are like small towns and getting caught at a meeting (by guests or other crew) could start people talking and maybe even cost me my job. Seems funny, you think it would be worse to be seen drinking than to be seen actively abstaining from it, but whatever. So I want to get more active posting here, and I'm also reading a book ("The New Template for Recovery", and any other suggestions anyone has I would love to add to my iphone library!) and making notes on the points that I can look at later to help deter me from picking up a drink again.
Thanks very much everyone for reading and I hope to keep up with you all in recovery!!
PS: On day 3, and looking forward to getting to day 4!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Hey, thanks for posting. I guess what others might see as an ideal job isn't depending on circumstances. Sounds like a challenge but if what doesn't get you drunk makes you stronger, you've got a lot of strength building opportunities ahead of you. My best to you and look forward to future posts.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 20
It's certainly possible to abstain here, I have met the occasional cruise director or other staff who does not drink and they are fine and seem very happy and confident in their choice. It's just hard in some industries, like entertainment, where you have to be happy and bubbly and social all the time. Anxiety can start to nag at you and you feel like you'd be much better mingling with all these strangers if you just had a drink or two (which often turns into four or five). I know anxiety is a big trigger for me, and I'm reading about and looking for other ways to deal with it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
You'd be surprised how supportive people
would be to see someone taking control of
their life in a healthier way. Being sober
isnt just about not drinking. It's helping
many others who are having trouble to
stop addiction.
Hi my name is Sharon and Im an Alcoholic
whom by family intervention set me on the
path of recovery 20 yrs. ago. It was August
11, 1990 that I recieved the tools and knowledge
of my alcoholism to learn how to incorperate
the steps and principles in my everyday life
a day at a time.
After recieving that knowledge of recovery, I began
to share it and give it away to many others still
suffering with addiction. Sharing my own experiences,
strengths and hopes of what it was like before,
during and after drinking.
That has been and still is my soul purpose in life
in order to remain sober today and live a happier,
joyous, honest and freer life possible.
Glad u found support here online to help u begin
ur recovery journey.
would be to see someone taking control of
their life in a healthier way. Being sober
isnt just about not drinking. It's helping
many others who are having trouble to
stop addiction.
Hi my name is Sharon and Im an Alcoholic
whom by family intervention set me on the
path of recovery 20 yrs. ago. It was August
11, 1990 that I recieved the tools and knowledge
of my alcoholism to learn how to incorperate
the steps and principles in my everyday life
a day at a time.
After recieving that knowledge of recovery, I began
to share it and give it away to many others still
suffering with addiction. Sharing my own experiences,
strengths and hopes of what it was like before,
during and after drinking.
That has been and still is my soul purpose in life
in order to remain sober today and live a happier,
joyous, honest and freer life possible.
Glad u found support here online to help u begin
ur recovery journey.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Yea,I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and I think I have a social phobia called over the top introversion. I was on xanax and self-medicated with booze. Off both now and am learning to deal with my issues by having to confront them instead of numb them. I do a lot of reading, self-reflection and stuff. Much better to face one's demons than to run from them. At least that way they can't bite you in the butt.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Don't know any "ship's crew" in recovery so I can't be of much specific and direct help about your specific situation.....
What I can tell you is this though: I don't know anyone who's ever come into recovery and has a job/career/lifestyle where they feel anything BUT anxious about getting into recovery. Hell, one of THE coolest guys I know in AA (with 23 years I believe) was a prosecuting attorney in my home state of Michigan for several different districts. He'd go to court, half in the bag, and throw the book at alkies for drinking and driving........then hit the bars for lunch.......get more smashed and finish the day out in a blackout before hitting the bar at night for the "real" drinking to begin. Trust me, he didn't feel all that welcome when he started hitting meetings and there were dooooooooozens of ppl he personally prosecuted for alcohol related offenses already IN those meetings because of court mandates HE fought to have imposed. Here this guy was an attorney, a prosecuting attorney, and later a magistrate and eventually a judge..........yet he's an alkie and even HE found a way to make it in AA. I also personally know a thoracic surgeon in AA, a cardiologist in AA, a bunch of nurses, several grade-school teachers, 3 priests, a former Catholic nun....... you get the point.
ANYONE can get sober........the question is how willing are you to make it THE priority in your life?
What I can tell you is this though: I don't know anyone who's ever come into recovery and has a job/career/lifestyle where they feel anything BUT anxious about getting into recovery. Hell, one of THE coolest guys I know in AA (with 23 years I believe) was a prosecuting attorney in my home state of Michigan for several different districts. He'd go to court, half in the bag, and throw the book at alkies for drinking and driving........then hit the bars for lunch.......get more smashed and finish the day out in a blackout before hitting the bar at night for the "real" drinking to begin. Trust me, he didn't feel all that welcome when he started hitting meetings and there were dooooooooozens of ppl he personally prosecuted for alcohol related offenses already IN those meetings because of court mandates HE fought to have imposed. Here this guy was an attorney, a prosecuting attorney, and later a magistrate and eventually a judge..........yet he's an alkie and even HE found a way to make it in AA. I also personally know a thoracic surgeon in AA, a cardiologist in AA, a bunch of nurses, several grade-school teachers, 3 priests, a former Catholic nun....... you get the point.
ANYONE can get sober........the question is how willing are you to make it THE priority in your life?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 20
Anxiety is certainly an excuse many of us use no matter what kind of job we are in. We all feel like it will be a little better if we just 'take the edge off', huh?
But one drink is never just one, is it? To be honest I have found it TONS easier to not drink, if I can just get out "I'll have a diet coke" and not order the first drink in the first place.
But one drink is never just one, is it? To be honest I have found it TONS easier to not drink, if I can just get out "I'll have a diet coke" and not order the first drink in the first place.
back to SR.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Want2BMe 
... Seems funny, you think it would be worse to be seen drinking than to be seen actively abstaining from it, but whatever.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Welcome back want2bme
You've chosen the hard way - staying in the cruise environment, not wanting to go to meetings or get help...
I was a musician - I tried to live my old life and be sober. I couldn't do it.
I had to admit recovery needed to be my priority and that my life needed to change in a lot of ways.
Obviously by your post, other people have done it in your situation, so I wish you success
You've obviously been trying a while tho.
If you find the path you've chosen too hard, I hope you'll reconsider your options
D
You've chosen the hard way - staying in the cruise environment, not wanting to go to meetings or get help...
I was a musician - I tried to live my old life and be sober. I couldn't do it.
I had to admit recovery needed to be my priority and that my life needed to change in a lot of ways.
Obviously by your post, other people have done it in your situation, so I wish you success
You've obviously been trying a while tho.
If you find the path you've chosen too hard, I hope you'll reconsider your options
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 20
Thanks for the responses. I know it's not the best place to be - I pretty much feel like it's the place that got me into this mess. I wasn't a big drinker until I started working out here, and it just seemed to progressively get worse as time went on. The last 18 months or so were pretty rough and it made me realize that I was in a not normal pattern of drinking...and needed to control my drinking. A few tries made me realize I should not try to control, but just abstain altogether.
Right now quitting my job is not an option. I'm on an 8 month contract, and if I leave it will cost me hundreds of dollars to go home and I will not have enough savings to get myself by until I find another job. This will be my last contract though (for this and all kinds of its-time-to-settle-down reasons). I finish in Feb., and will move to my home state and start looking for a new job on land.
However on the bright side, my schedule for the next few months is not very demanding as far as socializing goes, which will help me. I have a friend here who is not a drinker really at all and I have been trying to spend more time with her. And I just plan to not go to the bar at night, at all, until I feel comfortable that I will not be tempted again.
It's not the perfect plan, but I am hopeful, because I read the posts of those of you who have been sober for weeks and months and more, and how you feel so much better about your lives, and even about how your lives have improved and I want to get there too. I know it won't be all roses but I am looking forward to being fully present in my own life!
Right now quitting my job is not an option. I'm on an 8 month contract, and if I leave it will cost me hundreds of dollars to go home and I will not have enough savings to get myself by until I find another job. This will be my last contract though (for this and all kinds of its-time-to-settle-down reasons). I finish in Feb., and will move to my home state and start looking for a new job on land.
However on the bright side, my schedule for the next few months is not very demanding as far as socializing goes, which will help me. I have a friend here who is not a drinker really at all and I have been trying to spend more time with her. And I just plan to not go to the bar at night, at all, until I feel comfortable that I will not be tempted again.
It's not the perfect plan, but I am hopeful, because I read the posts of those of you who have been sober for weeks and months and more, and how you feel so much better about your lives, and even about how your lives have improved and I want to get there too. I know it won't be all roses but I am looking forward to being fully present in my own life!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Want2BeMe - You can always come here instead of sitting at the bar.....I spend at least a part of each evening here and it kills two birds with one stone: I have some "company" and can work on my recovery at the same time. The bonus is getting to help others, too.
It sounds like you have a plan and I hope it works really well for you - you can always change it if you need to. Congratulations on day 3!
It sounds like you have a plan and I hope it works really well for you - you can always change it if you need to. Congratulations on day 3!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Want2BeMe, it maybe time to change your job just for your recovery. If you really enjoy your job then you can always go back to it when you know you can go back without relapsing. Last year, I would always drink if there was alcohol in the place I was living. Right now in the other room, there is a bottle of liquor that I can go to drink it but I don't have the desire to drink it. Why? It's because I don't feel like drinking. I want to stay sober and don't care that the alcohol is at walking distance.
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