Day 4, Step 1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 1
Day 4, Step 1
Hi Everyone,
I've come to this site a number of times over the last few days before building up enough courage to write my own entry.
I've been an opiate addict for much of the last six years although I can trace my "love" affair with drugs since I first tried pot 20 years ago. I've tried almost everything through the years but nothing quite filled the void until I was introduced to opiates. It's not important how it started, although it did start innocently enough, rather when it ended. I took my last dose of opiates on Saturday, July 30, 2011.
It's been a rough road ever since, as many of you can attest. I'm on Day 4 of recovery and the withdrawals have subsided a bit. Like most things in my life, I had to do things the hard way. Sunday (Day 1) was the only day I had to lay around and be sick. On Monday I was at work, I'm a senior VP and I'm heading-up a fairly important project so there was no way (short of death) that I could take the time off. It's been extremely difficult going through this while pretending there's nothing wrong other than a bad cold.
I've become a great liar over the last few years. I've hidden my addiction from family, friends, employers, physicians, girlfriends, you name it! And now of course, I'm hiding the fact that I feel as though I want to crawl out of my own skin. Why now? Why now, I ask myself? Why quit now, although I ran out of the latest batch of Norco's (I was taking as much as 20 per day), I could have easily scored more. Money isn't tight, supply is ample, so why now? I've been asking myself that question over, and over for the past few days. I always knew I couldn't go on forever, there had to be a day when enough was enough. I had told myself certain things had to be arranged for me to do that. I would figure out a way to take a couple of weeks off work, I would tell friends and family that I was going on a business trip. And finally I would go to a detox doctor to make this as painless as possible. I would then rent a remote cabin in Big Bear and do this smoothly. But what do I do instead? I quit out of the blue, something inside me said "STOP" it's enough, not one more pill, not one!
So here I am friends and neighbors feeling all of the physical and psychological pains I've caused myself. The clock moves ever so slowly, the pain is reminiscent of the Spanish Inquisition, and yet I have no cravings for the drug. Although Roman Catholic, I'm not a religious man per se, nor am I all that spiritual but something made me quit that day, somethings making me strong. Is that the "higher-power" I've heard so much about in these forums? Have any of you chosen to quit out of nowhere? Is it even important if there was something outside of myself that has helped me along, or should I just shut-up, say a prayer, and keep on trukin?
Thanks for reading this, I wanted an outlet, I needed to be honest for the first time in six years.
I've come to this site a number of times over the last few days before building up enough courage to write my own entry.
I've been an opiate addict for much of the last six years although I can trace my "love" affair with drugs since I first tried pot 20 years ago. I've tried almost everything through the years but nothing quite filled the void until I was introduced to opiates. It's not important how it started, although it did start innocently enough, rather when it ended. I took my last dose of opiates on Saturday, July 30, 2011.
It's been a rough road ever since, as many of you can attest. I'm on Day 4 of recovery and the withdrawals have subsided a bit. Like most things in my life, I had to do things the hard way. Sunday (Day 1) was the only day I had to lay around and be sick. On Monday I was at work, I'm a senior VP and I'm heading-up a fairly important project so there was no way (short of death) that I could take the time off. It's been extremely difficult going through this while pretending there's nothing wrong other than a bad cold.
I've become a great liar over the last few years. I've hidden my addiction from family, friends, employers, physicians, girlfriends, you name it! And now of course, I'm hiding the fact that I feel as though I want to crawl out of my own skin. Why now? Why now, I ask myself? Why quit now, although I ran out of the latest batch of Norco's (I was taking as much as 20 per day), I could have easily scored more. Money isn't tight, supply is ample, so why now? I've been asking myself that question over, and over for the past few days. I always knew I couldn't go on forever, there had to be a day when enough was enough. I had told myself certain things had to be arranged for me to do that. I would figure out a way to take a couple of weeks off work, I would tell friends and family that I was going on a business trip. And finally I would go to a detox doctor to make this as painless as possible. I would then rent a remote cabin in Big Bear and do this smoothly. But what do I do instead? I quit out of the blue, something inside me said "STOP" it's enough, not one more pill, not one!
So here I am friends and neighbors feeling all of the physical and psychological pains I've caused myself. The clock moves ever so slowly, the pain is reminiscent of the Spanish Inquisition, and yet I have no cravings for the drug. Although Roman Catholic, I'm not a religious man per se, nor am I all that spiritual but something made me quit that day, somethings making me strong. Is that the "higher-power" I've heard so much about in these forums? Have any of you chosen to quit out of nowhere? Is it even important if there was something outside of myself that has helped me along, or should I just shut-up, say a prayer, and keep on trukin?
Thanks for reading this, I wanted an outlet, I needed to be honest for the first time in six years.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: tifton georgia
Posts: 16
One day at a time right? For me, its one hour at a time. Hours seem like days now. Im on Day 4. It seems more mental today than previously. Until today is was all physical pain. I feel as though im pregnant with crazy hormones lol I cry over nothing. And argue with myself! Keep trucking I keep telling myself. Everyday that I do not give in is another day I have to live. Congrats on determining your own fate and not allowing drugs to do it for you!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
MakingItOut Welcome to our recovery community....
I do believe that prayer can be an awesome power in our lives
I hope you will use it frequently ..
All my best as you move into a drug free future.
I do believe that prayer can be an awesome power in our lives
I hope you will use it frequently ..
All my best as you move into a drug free future.
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