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A rather delicate (and a little embarrassing) situation

Old 08-02-2011, 10:45 PM
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A rather delicate (and a little embarrassing) situation

Ok, I'm very wary about posting this on here but there's nobody else I want to turn to about it and I was hoping for some advice. Here goes:

I am 44 days sober (hooray!) and very happy and settled with it. Before I was sober our nightly routine would go something like this: kids to bed for 8, I'd drink wine until I was drunk, bed around 12 together.

The nightly routine for the last 44 nights (give or take a few nights): kids to bed at 8, a little TV, I head to bed around 10 - 10:30pm and read for a while, I awake at around 4am to find Husband is asleep on the couch downstairs!?

Sorry, I know this is tedious but I don't understand it? Did he prefer me when I smelled of booze and cigarettes? (44 days off smoking too) I know he's relieved the booze has stopped, so what is this shift in our relationship? Any advice would be greatly welcomed, thanks all
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Old 08-02-2011, 10:51 PM
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What did he say?

I sleep on the couch because I need my sleep for my emotional and physical health and my DH talks in his sleep.
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Old 08-02-2011, 11:01 PM
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This is just a shot in the dark, but maybe since you go to bed earlier now, and his normal routine was to stay up til midnight, possibly he dozes off on the couch because no one is there talking to him (that's how my husband is) and ends up sleeping there? I'm not really sure, I would ask....with my personality, I would've asked after the 2nd or 3rd time. LOL

Congrats on your success with quitting smoking and drinking!!!
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Old 08-02-2011, 11:35 PM
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44 days on the run, sleeping on the couch?

Ask him why?
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Old 08-02-2011, 11:36 PM
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Sorry meant to say, well done on 44 days, keep it going!
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Old 08-02-2011, 11:38 PM
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My dad falls asleep on the couch all the time! When I visit, I always have to shoo him off to bed.
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Old 08-02-2011, 11:39 PM
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Congratulations on 44 days! That is AWESOME!

Maybe you are turning in your sleep now instead of dropping into bed like a brick?
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Old 08-02-2011, 11:43 PM
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I remember being a bit raw in early sobriety. Maybe now that your sober you see things...well a bit sensitively? Not to to knock you or nothing but maybe some more discussion about where your are at emotionally and see what you significant other views on things that concern you.

Anywho, well done on 44 day into you new life alcohol free. Keep up the good effort.
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Old 08-03-2011, 05:37 AM
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I don't know if this applies at all, but I will throw it out there. For some reason, I am only able to fall asleep peacefully alone. If my husband comes to bed earlier than usual and I am still awake, he tends to toss and turn a bit and in general, make small noises which stops me from drifting off. I got used to falling asleep alone when he began staying up later than i did--when that changed, I would go to the sofa.
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Old 08-03-2011, 06:17 AM
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I think in reality it's hard to sleep with another person but I do it! LOL I mean I probably wouldn't wake at all if I slept alone. If I could create the perfect house it would be two master bedrooms with an ajoining master bath - of course his and hers. LOL But seriously, just ask him why and tell him that emotionally there may be many questions over the next few months as this is all new to you. Just be honest and open about your feelings and he will hopefully do the same. I'm so happy for you though smoking and alcohol! Thats awesome! Go YOU!
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Old 08-03-2011, 06:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Rachel1980 View Post
This is just a shot in the dark, but maybe since you go to bed earlier now, and his normal routine was to stay up til midnight, possibly he dozes off on the couch because no one is there talking to him (that's how my husband is) and ends up sleeping there?
You won't know for sure until you talk to him about it, but I was thinking along the same lines as Rachel. I've been sober for 3 weeks and my husband is falling asleep on the couch til the wee hours, too. In his case it is definitely because we used to stay up late together. Now he doesn't want to come to bed earlier with me but he's also not good about bringing himself to bed when he gets tired without me there to nudge him. So he falls asleep on the couch. I would talk to your husband about it. It may be as simple as this!

And congratulations on kicking the drink and the smokes!
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