Admitting I have a problem
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 24
Admitting I have a problem
I have been an alcoholic for 10 years and I am only 24. I started back in high school, hanging out with a crowd of people who were the nerdy quiet ones during school hours and then crazy hard partying binge drinkers on weekends. Although I was a nerdy girl, I sure partied hard. Then I got into raves and bad habits, some worse than alcohol. I also fell too hard too fast for boys and let myself get used and hurt, leading to even more drinking. I have kept up this lifestyle for years, it is ingrained in me. Back in the spring time, I made my problem obvious to my co-workers at a work function, where I had no self control and drank about 30 drinks in front of them due to the presence of an open bar at the function. My co-worker questioned if I had a problem, very embarrassing. I just started working at this company this year.
This summer I decided to date somebody for the first time in a year, we had one great month together and then he cheated on me in front of all his friends at a barbeque we went to together and he left me. A real blow to the ego there. I am an attractive young professional woman and that tore my self esteem to shreds. I do think I deserve better than that. I started drinking a bottle of wine or vodka every night since it happened. Looking back though, during the whole month I was with that guy, I was drinking heavily then too. This weekend I went to the city, booked a hotel room for 3 days and literally spent $500 or so just on alcohol. I blacked out and my friend who came with me told me I did/said all sorts of things and honestly I cannot remember. Its not even in my memory. Apparently I went to a pub with a bunch of random guys and drank 2 pitchers of beer. Then I woke up today puking and shaking all over. I couldn't even enjoy the nice hotel room I paid for, I was just feeling so ill. I tried to sleep when I came home today and I kept shaking and waking back up. I hope I can function properly at work tomorrow, it will be hard without sleep. This is worse than any hangover I've ever had. I admitted to my mom today that I have a problem and I need to get help. The underlying cause is depression. I am a very lonely person. I work and come home and drink a bottle of wine or vodka then wake back up and do it all over again. Every day has been exactly the same. All of my friends are big on drinking and partying hard and if I want to keep my job, I can't keep up this lifestyle and need to leave it all behind. I have to stop smoking too so I can stop having a hacking cough. I guess the first step is admitting that I have a problem and finding a counselor. I would really like to find friends that don't drink and party hard, I wonder if AA would be a potential place to find people like that.
This summer I decided to date somebody for the first time in a year, we had one great month together and then he cheated on me in front of all his friends at a barbeque we went to together and he left me. A real blow to the ego there. I am an attractive young professional woman and that tore my self esteem to shreds. I do think I deserve better than that. I started drinking a bottle of wine or vodka every night since it happened. Looking back though, during the whole month I was with that guy, I was drinking heavily then too. This weekend I went to the city, booked a hotel room for 3 days and literally spent $500 or so just on alcohol. I blacked out and my friend who came with me told me I did/said all sorts of things and honestly I cannot remember. Its not even in my memory. Apparently I went to a pub with a bunch of random guys and drank 2 pitchers of beer. Then I woke up today puking and shaking all over. I couldn't even enjoy the nice hotel room I paid for, I was just feeling so ill. I tried to sleep when I came home today and I kept shaking and waking back up. I hope I can function properly at work tomorrow, it will be hard without sleep. This is worse than any hangover I've ever had. I admitted to my mom today that I have a problem and I need to get help. The underlying cause is depression. I am a very lonely person. I work and come home and drink a bottle of wine or vodka then wake back up and do it all over again. Every day has been exactly the same. All of my friends are big on drinking and partying hard and if I want to keep my job, I can't keep up this lifestyle and need to leave it all behind. I have to stop smoking too so I can stop having a hacking cough. I guess the first step is admitting that I have a problem and finding a counselor. I would really like to find friends that don't drink and party hard, I wonder if AA would be a potential place to find people like that.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
I think you're doing a fine job of admitting you have a problem and sharing on SR, you did that well to. Good start. Sure you'll find people in AA that don't drink (not all of them) and you'll find people that like to have fun (not all of them). Also I discovered how many non-drinking fun people are around me, I just never wanted to notice them before. Well Come
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Welcome to SR!
I'm 26, and can definitely relate to some of your post. I too, let myself get walked all over by partners and was involved in messy, messed up relationships. Sorry you have gotten so hurt.
AA is often a great place to start your recovery. Some people choose other recovery programs, but I think AA is a good place to check out at first, because it's easy to find meetings.
I know what you mean about having friends that are big on binge drinking. Basically my entire social circle was constructed around binge drinking. I eventually realized how ludicrous and immature this really is. The GOOD news is that there are people our age who don't drink, and there are a lot of them if you know where to look.
Congratulations on making the decision to get help! You will find lots of support here whenever you need it.
-Josh
I'm 26, and can definitely relate to some of your post. I too, let myself get walked all over by partners and was involved in messy, messed up relationships. Sorry you have gotten so hurt.
AA is often a great place to start your recovery. Some people choose other recovery programs, but I think AA is a good place to check out at first, because it's easy to find meetings.
I know what you mean about having friends that are big on binge drinking. Basically my entire social circle was constructed around binge drinking. I eventually realized how ludicrous and immature this really is. The GOOD news is that there are people our age who don't drink, and there are a lot of them if you know where to look.
Congratulations on making the decision to get help! You will find lots of support here whenever you need it.
-Josh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 24
Thank you MycoolFitz, sugarbear1. I think I need to get out there and try something different. Drinking and heavy smoking has pushed aside all the hobbies I liked. I used to like going for long jogs, swimming, etc. and now I can't climb a flight of stairs without hacking it up with the coughs. But I guess kicking this alcoholism won't be easy...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by eJoshua 
Welcome to SR!
I'm 26, and can definitely relate to some of your post. I too, let myself get walked all over by partners and was involved in messy, messed up relationships. Sorry you have gotten so hurt.
AA is often a great place to start your recovery. Some people choose other recovery programs, but I think AA is a good place to check out at first, because it's easy to find meetings.
I know what you mean about having friends that are big on binge drinking. Basically my entire social circle was constructed around binge drinking. I eventually realized how ludicrous and immature this really is. The GOOD news is that there are people our age who don't drink, and there are a lot of them if you know where to look.
Congratulations on making the decision to get help! You will find lots of support here whenever you need it.
-Josh
I'm 26, and can definitely relate to some of your post. I too, let myself get walked all over by partners and was involved in messy, messed up relationships. Sorry you have gotten so hurt.
AA is often a great place to start your recovery. Some people choose other recovery programs, but I think AA is a good place to check out at first, because it's easy to find meetings.
I know what you mean about having friends that are big on binge drinking. Basically my entire social circle was constructed around binge drinking. I eventually realized how ludicrous and immature this really is. The GOOD news is that there are people our age who don't drink, and there are a lot of them if you know where to look.
Congratulations on making the decision to get help! You will find lots of support here whenever you need it.
-Josh
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
As they say, not easy but simple. I have returned to the things that used to please me and I think they mean much more to me now having lost them for so long. Its all one big gratitude, especially the tough stuff.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Welcome to SR.
Many of us can relate to your story.
Personally, alcohol had started to take away all that I truly cared about by the time I realized and accepted I had more than just an alcohol problem that I am an alcoholic. Until then I thought if I could just stop drinking for a while I would be ok, that if I just changed from drinking beer to wine I would be ok, if I would just stop drinking wine and have a drink of hard liquor instead I would be ok, etc... I tried many different things to change what was going on and deny that I am an alcoholic.
There are many recovery programs out there that do work. Personally, AA is the one that works for me. Here is a list of many of those programs: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html I do hope you find one that will work for you.
Again welcome to SR
PS: I quit drinking and smoking at the same time.....3/13/01
Many of us can relate to your story.
Personally, alcohol had started to take away all that I truly cared about by the time I realized and accepted I had more than just an alcohol problem that I am an alcoholic. Until then I thought if I could just stop drinking for a while I would be ok, that if I just changed from drinking beer to wine I would be ok, if I would just stop drinking wine and have a drink of hard liquor instead I would be ok, etc... I tried many different things to change what was going on and deny that I am an alcoholic.
There are many recovery programs out there that do work. Personally, AA is the one that works for me. Here is a list of many of those programs: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html I do hope you find one that will work for you.
Again welcome to SR
PS: I quit drinking and smoking at the same time.....3/13/01
Professional Drunk
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 465
Thanks for sharing FetaCheese. I'm shocked by the similarities I share with your story. I am 34 and just recently finished rehab. If only I could turn back the clock 10 years and get help when I was 24. I was a young professional like you (in Toronto too!), drank alone every night after work cuz I felt lonely and depressed. Got far too drunk at a work party my first year there. Had a lost weekend at the Hilton hotel where I spent thousands. Anyway, now I am 34, unemployed, bankrupt, and living with my parents, but I am 4 months sober and starting over again. Get help NOW and you will save alot of anguish and torment to yourself and others. I went to the Homewood treatment centre in Guelph ON for their 35 day program. Changed my life forever.
Holding Strong...
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 48
Hi Feta. Drinking sure gets in the way of the stuff we used to love, doesn't it?! I hope you can ways to reconnect with the things you enjoyed and find some new passions too! And no, sobriety isn't easy but it's amazing how good it feels once you start to get to know the real, happier, healthier you 
. Good luck and welcome to SR
Ps. Have you considered seeing a dr for the withdrawal and depression? Might want him/her to check out that "hacking" cough, too..
. Good luck and welcome to SR Ps. Have you considered seeing a dr for the withdrawal and depression? Might want him/her to check out that "hacking" cough, too..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 27
Welcome FetaCheese. Admitting that you have a serious problem is the very first, and an important, step. I took this step only two days ago, but I already am feeling like on top of the world. From what you told us, it is obvious that you have an issue with alcohol. I do as well, but I remain positive that with strenght and support, we can overcome this deamon!
Good luck to you and keep visiting this community for support! Time for you to start appreciating yourself and living life. Do you judge your value by how some loser a&& guys treat you. Know your worth and value. You are way too good for these losers and you definitely are too good for this stupid thing called alochol!
Good luck to you and keep visiting this community for support! Time for you to start appreciating yourself and living life. Do you judge your value by how some loser a&& guys treat you. Know your worth and value. You are way too good for these losers and you definitely are too good for this stupid thing called alochol!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Welcome to SR, Feta. Reading and posting here has been a huge part of my recovery. As you can see, there's no shortage of support, ideas, and inspiration here. Glad to have you and the other newcomers here. Quitting wasn't easy—but wow, the rewards are even greater than I imagined. I'm so glad I made the effort.
lost n exhausted
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 26
Hi and welcome FetaCheese. I am new here also. My son has a drinking problem and is your age. I'm looking for ways to help myself right now. You are smart to be here. I hope you investigate further and find exactly what you are looking for.
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
Welcome to SR, Feta. AA is a great place to find support and meet sober people to hang out with. In the last few years of my addiction, I had isolated myself to the point where I had absolutely no friends at all, and now, through AA, I've always got a few people that I can call and get together with. Congratulations on making a great decision and keep coming back and posting here.
--Fenris.
--Fenris.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 24
Thank you everyone for your support I am really happy that I found this place... Had a rough time today getting through the day. All I could think about was coming home and having a bottle of wine. But I am not going to give in... I had a cigarette and felt so gross after. Tossed it in the garbage but I know the cravings for the alcohol and nicotine will be difficult to deal with. The cravings are so strong. I want to go to AA though I am not wild about the whole higher power thing or 12 step thing I heard they focus on. I think I just need to be around others and make new friends who do not want to drink all the time. I really need some new friends and that is my main motivation along with being sober.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Glad to hear you are checking out programs! Like I said in my earlier post, their are other options for recovery for those that have trouble with the higher power concept, or God or whatever (or just aren't interested in AA for other reasons).
I don't know much about them, but perhaps another board member will chime in.
I think the important thing is to do something. Do some kind of program. Abstinence alone is miserable, working a program is much more productive and will help you to stay sober in the long run. And you will be able to make sober friends, which sounds like a big priority for you.
I hear ya with smoking. Ironically enough, I quit smoking last year (July 1) and went from over a pack-a-day to nothing cold turkey without any gum or anything. I was still drinking a bottle of whiskey every day though... Quitting smoking was easy for me for some odd reason. Quitting drinking was next to impossible!
Good luck, keep posting with your progress!
-Josh
I don't know much about them, but perhaps another board member will chime in.
I think the important thing is to do something. Do some kind of program. Abstinence alone is miserable, working a program is much more productive and will help you to stay sober in the long run. And you will be able to make sober friends, which sounds like a big priority for you.
I hear ya with smoking. Ironically enough, I quit smoking last year (July 1) and went from over a pack-a-day to nothing cold turkey without any gum or anything. I was still drinking a bottle of whiskey every day though... Quitting smoking was easy for me for some odd reason. Quitting drinking was next to impossible!
Good luck, keep posting with your progress!
-Josh
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Malaysia
Posts: 88
Hi FetaCheese!
I think admitting one has a problem is the 1st step. I too am new here and it feels good to finally have admitted to my parents, and here too, that i have a problem.
Best of luck and do keep us posted!
I think admitting one has a problem is the 1st step. I too am new here and it feels good to finally have admitted to my parents, and here too, that i have a problem.
Best of luck and do keep us posted!
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