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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Hello all. My name is Jon, and I'm an alcoholic.
I've been drinking for about 13 years...most of the time heavily. I rarely if ever drank at home and I'm mainly a social drinker. However, I've lost the ability to control it when I do. I'd tell myself "I'm only gonna have X amount of drinks", then would well surpass that once I started. Recently I've started drinking until I blacked out.
Over this last weekend, I passed out at my girlfriend's place where her, I and some friends were partying. I must've passed out in some weird location because her and one of the friends tried to move me while I was passed out. Apparently when they did I went into an unconscious panic attack and started trying to fight everyone off of me and as I was flailing my arms she got hit in the lip.
I have no recollection of that and when I finally became conscious again, I woke up to her having a sober friend drive me home not knowing what the hell happened.
It was at this point that I realized that I cannot do this anymore. She's since broken things off with me, even though she knows I would never have hit her in a conscious/coherent state drunk or not. Nothing like this has ever happened before and I'm highly embarrassed, ripped apart, and feeling a ton of guilt because it did. Had I only had not drank until I blacked out this would never have happened. But I've lost the ability to stop myself once I do start drinking and if I'm doing these things while I'm blacked out and I can't stop drinking until I do black out, then the alcohol needs to go.
I'm going to my first AA meeting today. I hope to be an active member here on the forum where I can connect with and support others who have the same alcoholism issues that I do.
I've been drinking for about 13 years...most of the time heavily. I rarely if ever drank at home and I'm mainly a social drinker. However, I've lost the ability to control it when I do. I'd tell myself "I'm only gonna have X amount of drinks", then would well surpass that once I started. Recently I've started drinking until I blacked out.
Over this last weekend, I passed out at my girlfriend's place where her, I and some friends were partying. I must've passed out in some weird location because her and one of the friends tried to move me while I was passed out. Apparently when they did I went into an unconscious panic attack and started trying to fight everyone off of me and as I was flailing my arms she got hit in the lip.
I have no recollection of that and when I finally became conscious again, I woke up to her having a sober friend drive me home not knowing what the hell happened.
It was at this point that I realized that I cannot do this anymore. She's since broken things off with me, even though she knows I would never have hit her in a conscious/coherent state drunk or not. Nothing like this has ever happened before and I'm highly embarrassed, ripped apart, and feeling a ton of guilt because it did. Had I only had not drank until I blacked out this would never have happened. But I've lost the ability to stop myself once I do start drinking and if I'm doing these things while I'm blacked out and I can't stop drinking until I do black out, then the alcohol needs to go.
I'm going to my first AA meeting today. I hope to be an active member here on the forum where I can connect with and support others who have the same alcoholism issues that I do.
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Welcome Jon. "If only I had not drank until..." A lot of us know that lyric to the song. SR is a great place for support as I'm sure you'll find your AA meeting to be. Just wanted to say hi and wish you all the best
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