Admitting it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 54
Admitting it
Hi. New here, lurked before. I'm in the process of admitting to myself that I'm an alcoholic.
When I think of an alchie, I've always thought of people who put booze into their coffee at work... bourbon in the cereal... that sort of thing. Losing jobs, friends, family, etc. to the bottle.
Well, I'm an early 20s guy who never drank until college. Actually, halfway through. Then I took to getting smashed on Friday nights for a while. And it was fun. Never got in trouble. Never experienced any real repercussion besides spent money and a few nasty hangovers. Don't drink by myself.
I'm graduated now and for quite a few months I didn't drink. Had no friends that wanted to, and had no time really. Lately, though, I'm on the rise again. Friends have moved home and (although not as frequently) we relive college a bit. Seems innocent enough...
But I noticed something. I have real trouble -not- drinking if others are. I also do it pretty heavily each time. Every time I do it I feel bad about it, and decide every time never to do it again, completely forgetting this oath a couple weeks later. I imagine as I get older this habit may taper off (as it has somewhat already) but I'm afraid of if it doesn't. I don't want that.
The following is creepy. I'm sorry.
This is hard to admit, but I like the emotional closeness that people exhibit when under the influence. Some of the only times I built up the courage to make a romantic advance and put anxiety aside were while drinking. I've given and received the best hugs and had some of the nicest things said to me when friends were drunk enough to put macho aside and say them aloud.
Can anyone relate? Or am I just nuts?
I want to quit, though. But it's hard to walk away from all the good times I have. However, I know this can't and shouldn't go on. How do I walk away?
I guess I'm an alcoholic.
When I think of an alchie, I've always thought of people who put booze into their coffee at work... bourbon in the cereal... that sort of thing. Losing jobs, friends, family, etc. to the bottle.
Well, I'm an early 20s guy who never drank until college. Actually, halfway through. Then I took to getting smashed on Friday nights for a while. And it was fun. Never got in trouble. Never experienced any real repercussion besides spent money and a few nasty hangovers. Don't drink by myself.
I'm graduated now and for quite a few months I didn't drink. Had no friends that wanted to, and had no time really. Lately, though, I'm on the rise again. Friends have moved home and (although not as frequently) we relive college a bit. Seems innocent enough...
But I noticed something. I have real trouble -not- drinking if others are. I also do it pretty heavily each time. Every time I do it I feel bad about it, and decide every time never to do it again, completely forgetting this oath a couple weeks later. I imagine as I get older this habit may taper off (as it has somewhat already) but I'm afraid of if it doesn't. I don't want that.
The following is creepy. I'm sorry.
This is hard to admit, but I like the emotional closeness that people exhibit when under the influence. Some of the only times I built up the courage to make a romantic advance and put anxiety aside were while drinking. I've given and received the best hugs and had some of the nicest things said to me when friends were drunk enough to put macho aside and say them aloud.
Can anyone relate? Or am I just nuts?
I want to quit, though. But it's hard to walk away from all the good times I have. However, I know this can't and shouldn't go on. How do I walk away?
I guess I'm an alcoholic.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Welcome, and thanks for being here! Always enjoyed my math classes more than the others. Just makes sense to me, and I like things that are logical and make sense.
I can relate to many parts of your story. It's often difficult to get out of that college mindset, especially if you're hanging out with people you were around during your college days. I've got lots of friends that still party like we did 5-10 years ago. It's not every night, and they don't drink at work, but on the weekends they get lit up, and it sometimes leads to bad situations. Glad I don't have to worry about that any longer.
I've never gotten too hung up on the word "alcoholic" or whether or not I fit the definition of it. The way I see it, if alcohol is causing problems in your life, even if it's just mental anguish over drinking, isn't it smart to remove it from your life? I'm not trying to place any more obstacles in my path than are already there. And alcohol definitely was one of those for me.
Again, thanks for being here. Glad you are. Hope you hang around for a while. There are lots of really great people here with tons of experience and strength and wisdom to share. It's pretty rad.
I can relate to many parts of your story. It's often difficult to get out of that college mindset, especially if you're hanging out with people you were around during your college days. I've got lots of friends that still party like we did 5-10 years ago. It's not every night, and they don't drink at work, but on the weekends they get lit up, and it sometimes leads to bad situations. Glad I don't have to worry about that any longer.
I've never gotten too hung up on the word "alcoholic" or whether or not I fit the definition of it. The way I see it, if alcohol is causing problems in your life, even if it's just mental anguish over drinking, isn't it smart to remove it from your life? I'm not trying to place any more obstacles in my path than are already there. And alcohol definitely was one of those for me.
Again, thanks for being here. Glad you are. Hope you hang around for a while. There are lots of really great people here with tons of experience and strength and wisdom to share. It's pretty rad.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome mathmajor - You're really smart to be asking these questions now so I applaud you for posting and being honest.
If you are an alcoholic (and only you can really decide that), you may find that you have a hard time controlling it once you've have a few drinks. I started out drinking socially but eventually used it for everything under the sun: to be intimate, to get to sleep, to take a mental break, to deal with anxiety/depression, to celebrate..... etc. etc. I had times in my 20's when I stopped completely and didn't think much of it. Or I'd go out on the weekends only.
Eventually my drinking got more frequent, and I started drinking every night. Some people are different and start off with a bang, but it took me a couple decades to develop a real problem and obsession.
Alcohol tricks us into believing we're we're more charming or funnier or sexier when we're buzzed. In actuality it shuts down the reasoning center so that we do things we'd never do sober. It might feel good at first, but it can get us into trouble and often does.
I hope you can get some answers - this is a great place to hear about the experiences of others who have been there, done that. Some of us drank a lot, some were binge drinkers, and others stopped before there were real consequences.
Make yourself at home - it's a good bunch!
If you are an alcoholic (and only you can really decide that), you may find that you have a hard time controlling it once you've have a few drinks. I started out drinking socially but eventually used it for everything under the sun: to be intimate, to get to sleep, to take a mental break, to deal with anxiety/depression, to celebrate..... etc. etc. I had times in my 20's when I stopped completely and didn't think much of it. Or I'd go out on the weekends only.
Eventually my drinking got more frequent, and I started drinking every night. Some people are different and start off with a bang, but it took me a couple decades to develop a real problem and obsession.
Alcohol tricks us into believing we're we're more charming or funnier or sexier when we're buzzed. In actuality it shuts down the reasoning center so that we do things we'd never do sober. It might feel good at first, but it can get us into trouble and often does.
I hope you can get some answers - this is a great place to hear about the experiences of others who have been there, done that. Some of us drank a lot, some were binge drinkers, and others stopped before there were real consequences.
Make yourself at home - it's a good bunch!
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Originally Posted by mathmajor 
This is hard to admit, but I like the emotional closeness that people exhibit when under the influence. Some of the only times I built up the courage to make a romantic advance and put anxiety aside were while drinking. I've given and received the best hugs and had some of the nicest things said to me when friends were drunk enough to put macho aside and say them aloud.
Can anyone relate? Or am I just nuts?
I agree with you 100% about the emotional closeness aspect. There are cool conversations that come about while drinking that just don't seem to happen while both people are sober. Or, maybe they do in normal day to day life for some, but I don't usually experience that. Of course,my friends are also drinkers. Sitting on a beach under a full moon with some liquid refreshment often brings on some amazing topics. Will have to see if same scenario without booze will generate same results.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MA
Posts: 1
Hey guys, Im new here and Im an addict. I have been struggling with sobriety for a year now, and Im happy to say that I am now 3 months sober.
so mathmajor when you said "I want to quit, though. But it's hard to walk away from all the good times I have. I completely knew what you meant. As time goes by though you will see that theres many more good times to come with sobriety.
so mathmajor when you said "I want to quit, though. But it's hard to walk away from all the good times I have. I completely knew what you meant. As time goes by though you will see that theres many more good times to come with sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 54
Thanks guys. I know I have emotional issues to work out. I beat a binge eating disorder because it was ruining my life... it's hard to beat something that doesn't appear to be. But I hate being powerless over my compulsions. I know I have to put my foot down sometime and just decide enough is enough before anything drastic happens.
Why not today.
Why not today.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Des Moines, Iowa
Posts: 39
Very smart of you to look at yourself today instead of in a decade. Why take the risk? I always feel socially akward so I understand where you are coming from. I'm trying to find solice in fellow geeks and enjoy their company more when we are all a bit strange to begin with! Still, it will be hard sober for a while until I learn to accept me. People tell me they like the REAL me, but I have a hard time believing it. I've hid for many years, mostly using socially to calm the anxiety around people until it began to be every stinking night.
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