The right words?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Western US
Posts: 143
The right words?
I am sorry if I am asking too many questions, but I am just trying to have a better understanding.
This morning I was discussing the situation I am in regarding my XABF and was told by my RAF that I used the wrong words to him. For months I talked to said BF about his drinking but only recently just went all out and used the A word. My RAF said using the A word is too harsh and I should not have done that. He said that I hurt the chances of XABF facing and admitting his problem. I tend to be pretty blunt at times and decided it was time to just say the emperor is naked. Is my RAF correct? If so, how do you confront the A with the issue?
This morning I was discussing the situation I am in regarding my XABF and was told by my RAF that I used the wrong words to him. For months I talked to said BF about his drinking but only recently just went all out and used the A word. My RAF said using the A word is too harsh and I should not have done that. He said that I hurt the chances of XABF facing and admitting his problem. I tend to be pretty blunt at times and decided it was time to just say the emperor is naked. Is my RAF correct? If so, how do you confront the A with the issue?
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
BULL.
Your RAF is way off base. Doesn't matter whether you used the A word or not, if he is not ready, he won't hear what you say. If he is ready or close, then it will help him to recognize the elephant in the room.
Sounds to me that your 'recovering AF is still in some denial himself.'
J M H O based on my personal experience of 24 years out there drinking, 20 of it alcoholically and 30+ years in continuous recovery from alcoholism.
Love and hugs,
Your RAF is way off base. Doesn't matter whether you used the A word or not, if he is not ready, he won't hear what you say. If he is ready or close, then it will help him to recognize the elephant in the room.
Sounds to me that your 'recovering AF is still in some denial himself.'
J M H O based on my personal experience of 24 years out there drinking, 20 of it alcoholically and 30+ years in continuous recovery from alcoholism.
Love and hugs,
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
An alcoholic deep into their addiction cannot discern any *right* thing from anyone else. What I mean is, you can use that word, or you can tiptoe. What we need to realize as F&Fs is that NOTHING we do or don't do affects the outcome for the A. We have to realize what we do has to focus on our own recovery efforts.
An A will look for every reason to protect his/her addiction. "She said 'A', so I must drink". "She never said 'A' so I must drink" The constant in both phrases is what the A will say with 100% certainty.
See how that works?
An A will look for every reason to protect his/her addiction. "She said 'A', so I must drink". "She never said 'A' so I must drink" The constant in both phrases is what the A will say with 100% certainty.
See how that works?
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
OnMyWay, if you went in the back yard, cursed out some random tree and called it an A would it have an effect on your ABF's recovery?
Pretty much the same effect as talking to him.
Go to al-anon and start/continue to work on your recovery. That is the only one you can have any impact on.
Your friend,
Pretty much the same effect as talking to him.
Go to al-anon and start/continue to work on your recovery. That is the only one you can have any impact on.
Your friend,
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