Im her last chance- need advice how to get her help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: washington
Posts: 6
Im her last chance- need advice how to get her help
Hi all, im back again with a different with a different person unforunately.
Im going to make a really long story short & get to the point. My best friend has struggled with drug addiction for the past 3 years (meth, herion & oxys) and she had been clean for a while (after a family intervention followed by detox & rehab) but now is back on meth. Her baby's dad that she is not with called me today begging for help cus im her last hope since im the only one she will still listen to. She has cut off her family (for other reasons pretaining to her baby) and will not listen to her ex BF. I have only one shot at this(or else i may end up on the list of "ppl who are against her") so I need advice to do this right. I dont even know how to approach her with this issue & get her help. Im so scared she will get upset with me for "going behind her back" and being against her & will never trust me again & then wont be able to get the help she needs since im the last one she will listen to. =(
Im going to make a really long story short & get to the point. My best friend has struggled with drug addiction for the past 3 years (meth, herion & oxys) and she had been clean for a while (after a family intervention followed by detox & rehab) but now is back on meth. Her baby's dad that she is not with called me today begging for help cus im her last hope since im the only one she will still listen to. She has cut off her family (for other reasons pretaining to her baby) and will not listen to her ex BF. I have only one shot at this(or else i may end up on the list of "ppl who are against her") so I need advice to do this right. I dont even know how to approach her with this issue & get her help. Im so scared she will get upset with me for "going behind her back" and being against her & will never trust me again & then wont be able to get the help she needs since im the last one she will listen to. =(
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
You're not her last chance.
You're not even her best chance.
And you're no chance at all, until and unless SHE decides she's willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay clean.
Her best chance is other successfully recovering addicts in a structured and accountable recovery program. She has already been in a recovery program where they gave her tools; that she chooses not to undergo recovery or use the tools is nobody's issue but hers.
Don't let them dump this in your lap; it doesn't belong to you.
Kudos to you for being a caring person, but there's no need to sacrifice yourself at the addiction altar - it does no good, anyway.
You are free, to go about your life...
CLMI
You're not even her best chance.
And you're no chance at all, until and unless SHE decides she's willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay clean.
Her best chance is other successfully recovering addicts in a structured and accountable recovery program. She has already been in a recovery program where they gave her tools; that she chooses not to undergo recovery or use the tools is nobody's issue but hers.
Don't let them dump this in your lap; it doesn't belong to you.
Kudos to you for being a caring person, but there's no need to sacrifice yourself at the addiction altar - it does no good, anyway.
You are free, to go about your life...
CLMI
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Loy,
Unfortunately, catlover is right about this. All you can do is state the obvious: that you are aware that she has relapsed, you are very concerned, and if she wants help (a ride to detox, etc.) - you are there for her.
Your friend has already been through detox and rehab. She has the tools she needs to recognize and respond to her situation - and she chooses not to use them.
Say what you need to her, and let it go.
Unfortunately, catlover is right about this. All you can do is state the obvious: that you are aware that she has relapsed, you are very concerned, and if she wants help (a ride to detox, etc.) - you are there for her.
Your friend has already been through detox and rehab. She has the tools she needs to recognize and respond to her situation - and she chooses not to use them.
Say what you need to her, and let it go.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I totally agree with Cat & Anvil, you are not her last chance and certainly not her best chance.
You are caught up in the emotions of the circumstance. This is not your battle to fight, it is hers.
I admire you for wanting to help, but, jumping in at this point will be of no help whatsoever.
Try and relax, think everything through, she knows what she needs to do, it is totally up to her.
You are caught up in the emotions of the circumstance. This is not your battle to fight, it is hers.
I admire you for wanting to help, but, jumping in at this point will be of no help whatsoever.
Try and relax, think everything through, she knows what she needs to do, it is totally up to her.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I agree with everyone else. Not only am I a recovering codie, with loved ones who are A's, but I'm an RA (recovering addict). There was no one, and I mean absolutely no one, who could make me "see the light" and get clean.
I had to find my bottom, get sick and tired of consequences, before I even thought about recovery. I, too, shut people out. I've got over 4 years in recovery, and that's because I have the support of other RA's (recovering addicts) and recovering codies. It's also because I want recovery more than anything else in life.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I had to find my bottom, get sick and tired of consequences, before I even thought about recovery. I, too, shut people out. I've got over 4 years in recovery, and that's because I have the support of other RA's (recovering addicts) and recovering codies. It's also because I want recovery more than anything else in life.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: washington
Posts: 6
Thanks everyone for their advice. You are all totally right. Now i just need to try to do that. Im one of those people would do ne thing & everything for a loved one & thinks they can help everyone. Its a good and bad thing cus its hard for me to accept that i cant help her & that she has to want to help herself. =( But now I know what i need to do I guess. And FYI the baby is totally safe & in good care with the father & extended family.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I tried for 10 years to save my son and eventually learned that what others have said here is true. If love could save our addicted friends and loved ones, not one of us would be here.
There are detoxes, rehabs, 12-step meetings and other sober meetings, counseling and out-patient programs out there that may be able to help her. They understand addiction, addicts and know what needs to be done. The rest is up to her.
We are not the solution, in fact we often get in the way of a good solution. Sometimes they just need to bottom out on their own, and cushioning the fall does more harm than good.
I hope your friend reaches out to those who really can help her soon, really I do.
Hugs
There are detoxes, rehabs, 12-step meetings and other sober meetings, counseling and out-patient programs out there that may be able to help her. They understand addiction, addicts and know what needs to be done. The rest is up to her.
We are not the solution, in fact we often get in the way of a good solution. Sometimes they just need to bottom out on their own, and cushioning the fall does more harm than good.
I hope your friend reaches out to those who really can help her soon, really I do.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Is all this drama titilating or exhausting? Perhaps a little of each, eh.
Have you considered branching out and finding some new friends who are not convicted felons, alcoholics, drug addicts or codependents?
Have you considered branching out and finding some new friends who are not convicted felons, alcoholics, drug addicts or codependents?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
Originally Posted by Loyalty828 
But now I know what i need to do I guess.
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