new to SR
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
new to SR
Hi everyone,
I've been reading posts on here for a while and finally decided to join. I'm struggling with my drinking. I'm still young, just a year out of college, but I've been drinking about 6-12 drinks a day for the past 6 years. I'm getting to the point where something needs to change for many reasons (worried about my health, sick of extra weight, sick of living a double life, no self esteem, etc.).
I'm just having a really hard time getting there. I've suffered from major depression since I was a kid and I cannot seem to get the courage to quit drinking when I'm at a low point. I'm also in a 4-year, VERY rocky relationship that I think contributes to my need to drink. My bf can be very unstable at times (other times he's terrific). Today was going to be my Day 1, but after a major fight with the bf at work (we work together), I can't wait to get home and drink until I don't care anymore. I'm still torn on whether I can quit today or not. But I decided that since I'm not comfortable going to AA yet, SR might provide an outlet and some support.
Sorry if this seems scattered, but I just wanted to introduce myself since I'm going to try to make SR an important part of my recovery.
I've been reading posts on here for a while and finally decided to join. I'm struggling with my drinking. I'm still young, just a year out of college, but I've been drinking about 6-12 drinks a day for the past 6 years. I'm getting to the point where something needs to change for many reasons (worried about my health, sick of extra weight, sick of living a double life, no self esteem, etc.).
I'm just having a really hard time getting there. I've suffered from major depression since I was a kid and I cannot seem to get the courage to quit drinking when I'm at a low point. I'm also in a 4-year, VERY rocky relationship that I think contributes to my need to drink. My bf can be very unstable at times (other times he's terrific). Today was going to be my Day 1, but after a major fight with the bf at work (we work together), I can't wait to get home and drink until I don't care anymore. I'm still torn on whether I can quit today or not. But I decided that since I'm not comfortable going to AA yet, SR might provide an outlet and some support.
Sorry if this seems scattered, but I just wanted to introduce myself since I'm going to try to make SR an important part of my recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
No, not at all. Alcohol has been my default way of dealing with my emotions since I was a teenager - it's hard for me to know what to do with my emotions without just using drinking to cover everything up. I'm sitting at my desk and all I can do is think "drink... no, don't drink..." I'm hoping that I will have the strength to leave work and go straight home without stopping. This is all so new for me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Welcome. Many of us suffer from depression, anxiety, rocky relationships, guilt and shame over using etc. I believe that medicative drinking (drinking to deal with all this) just acts like a damn in a rushing river of emotions. Eventually that damns going to break and the flood waters of pain and discomfort will come flooding out. I think sobriety and recovery allows us to regulate this flow so things don't get all bottled up or fall apart at once. Everyone has tough things in their lives, not everyone self-medicates. Just some of us. I hope you give sobriety a chance. You know the drinkings not making anything better.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Welcome!
I also had depression from childhood, and I had to get that properly diagnosed and treated before I could stop drinking. Before that, I didn't care enough to stay sober. Have you talked to your dr about your depression?
I'm glad you posted and SR always inspires.
I also had depression from childhood, and I had to get that properly diagnosed and treated before I could stop drinking. Before that, I didn't care enough to stay sober. Have you talked to your dr about your depression?
I'm glad you posted and SR always inspires.
to SR.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Welcome to SR.
You are not alone. Many suffer from both alcoholism and depression.
I suffer from it as well. One thing I had to do but may not be the case for everyone is to address my alcoholism first then treat my mental health issues. I found that the medications for my mental health issues were not as effective while I was drinking. Today I know that the two things like a circle. If I don't treat my alcoholism I won't address my mental health problems and if I don't treat my mental health problems I will not treat my alcoholism. The two are bound together.
You are not alone. Many suffer from both alcoholism and depression.
I suffer from it as well. One thing I had to do but may not be the case for everyone is to address my alcoholism first then treat my mental health issues. I found that the medications for my mental health issues were not as effective while I was drinking. Today I know that the two things like a circle. If I don't treat my alcoholism I won't address my mental health problems and if I don't treat my mental health problems I will not treat my alcoholism. The two are bound together.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
I have talked to doctors about the depression. I have been on anti-depressants on and off since I was 12. I have been off of them for the past year or two, because I think the alcohol, lack of exercise, and tough relationship are partly to blame. I want to take care of those things before I medicate myself again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 169
Welcome Calgirl! You found a great place to start. SR is wonderful for support, and I think you should stick around. I am new here too and rely on these forums daily.
I hope today is day one of sobriety for you. Things can only get better from here on out
Wishing you the best!
I hope today is day one of sobriety for you. Things can only get better from here on out
Wishing you the best!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Mountains of W.N.C.
Posts: 198
Your story sounds much like my own, I firmly believe that my own unhealthy relationship is/was a major factor in why I drank. After an epic blowout I left, spent six weeks on couches hoping things would smooth out before finally realizing that I wasn't ever going to have a healthy relationship until I resolved my own issues.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Calgirl,
Welcome! You sure came to the right place. When you are ready to start a sober life we are here for you. Right now you have a lot of conditions on your sobriety. Your relationships, your depression etc. Once you figure out that there is no problem you can have, or loss you can experience, that alcohol can't make worse, it will be an easier battle.
You'll find that all of us here are just like you. We ran from whatever and drank them into submission, which was really just until we woke up again and had to start again to avoid the same things that snowball and start another round until we are drinking 24/7 and end up like poor Amy, and all the others that are not famous and go unseen, except for any family or friends they have left, if any.
I sure hope you make this opportunity you opened up for yourself, by coming here, to be the one that helps you get off the not-so-merry-go-round of the alcoholic.
Stay with it kiddo!
Welcome! You sure came to the right place. When you are ready to start a sober life we are here for you. Right now you have a lot of conditions on your sobriety. Your relationships, your depression etc. Once you figure out that there is no problem you can have, or loss you can experience, that alcohol can't make worse, it will be an easier battle.
You'll find that all of us here are just like you. We ran from whatever and drank them into submission, which was really just until we woke up again and had to start again to avoid the same things that snowball and start another round until we are drinking 24/7 and end up like poor Amy, and all the others that are not famous and go unseen, except for any family or friends they have left, if any.
I sure hope you make this opportunity you opened up for yourself, by coming here, to be the one that helps you get off the not-so-merry-go-round of the alcoholic.
Stay with it kiddo!
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