gibson3479

So Ive managed to pick right back up today as if I never gave in and drank those 4 beers Sunday.Yesterday started off rough due to my guilt but after going to the dr and then making a decision (after reading support from other SR members) to consider it a mistake I made that I luckily almost immediatly regretted....So Im just picking right back up from Sunday morning before I gave in like Sunday evening never happened...(lets be honest had I continued drinking I wouldnt remember most of it anyways ).
I started my whole body detox cleansing diet today..(and already can feel much better with 9 days left of that to go).I know everyone says Im tackeling to much at once but I HAVE to,..I function at my best under chaos....sitting around all last week waiting to "get sober" consumed me...so alcohol has still been winning.Last night I laid in bed after everyone was alseep and did some pretty intense thinking. Im not going to let my "achieving sobriety" consume me the same way I let "getting drunk"...Im simply just not going to drink...period.The more I obsess over it the more it stays in the forefront of my mind..I think I approached this all wrong..I was sitting here waiting so I could move on with my life without alcohol......I dont know what I thought I was waiting for.Im pretty confident Im past the physical stages of detoxing and without withdraws...I am pretty sure with all the crying and making myself physically throw up Sunday ,those 4 beers didnt cause any damage that I should let set me back any...
Also,since Im not back at work yet and I have more time than I know what to do with since Im not drinking it all away,today someone posted on my friends facebook desperatly needing volunteer help at a food mnistry unloading and organizing a huge donation they are finally getting in (theyve been empty for months)so both of my daughters and I agreed to go help them out for a few days....I think doing something with my time while Im not working that makes my heart feel good will benifit me as much as the people needing the food....and i get to introduce my daughters to volunteering while spending time with them....So thats where Im at now..Im determined to get me back to where I was before this nightmare began....

WeakLink

I know you don't know me but I'm glad you decided to just keep going and not let the few beers get you down. Good for you!

gibson3479

Thank you.I was just reading your post as well...Stick with this site.Ive received so much support from people here and sometimes venting (like you did) and reading other peoples responses help you rationalize better.Maybe just talking about it will help reduce your urge to drink..or pop pills...Ive known I had a problem for awhile and I never could commit to ending it.....youre already way ahead of me on that.I cant really offer much advice yet..however ,I was the same way about drinkng before I clean or ....pretty much anything...It has been nice this past week cleaning my house without 1000 pee breaks

Snarf

I used to think I functioned best under chaos. Then I realized that was something I told myself because I was causing so much chaos in my life. Today, I function best when things are nice and smooth, and I do my best to avoid chaos and keep it away from my life.

Glad you're here, and glad you're putting away the booze. It's so much better to live a life that is not filled with hangovers, embarrassment, confusion, sickness, irresponsibility, immaturity, self-centeredness, and yes, even chaos.

Good for you for deciding to do some volunteer work. Not only is it a great way to kill "down time," but it's also good for the heart and soul. I've found that I work my recovery best when I'm helping others, and helping others also makes me want to stay at my best so that I'm able to help as much as possible.

Thanks for being here, and I pray that you're able to move forward with this new chapter in your life and leave the bad stuff behind in the past.

WeakLink

lol I haven't gotten a single thing done around the house without being able to drink first. I start but then without 1000 pee breaks I get too tired too fast. Also, I can't clean without music and dancing around the house and well I feel stupid dancing without being drunk. I feel like an old fuddy duddy now who should be listening to barbara streisand lol

gibson3479

@snarf,when I say chaos I guess I mean I just have to have my mind occupied with as much as possible to keep myself from too much down time..when I have too much time to think I tend to OVERTHINK....that rarely worsk out well for me.
Th volunteering is definitly rewarding to myself as much as to the people it helps.I use to volunteer all the time until I got wrapped up in my alcohol bottle....(Heaven forbid I give up my time with that).Now that Im changing that part of myself I really want to get back to the other things that made me feel good and made me the person I was prior to this.I love that my daughters are old enough to volunteer with me as well.Weve every year for the past 8,taken plates of food on holidays around to local homeless people who dont go to the volunteer meals.My daughters have always LOVED doing that so they are excited to be old enough (10 and 15) to volunteer in a bigger way today.
@weaklink....I actually never ended up getting much done...about half way through cleaning my beer buzz would kick in and Id stop cleaning to focus on drinking.
I think this week the recycling truck is going to be extremely confused when they see our bin almost empty..Normally its so full of beer cans that I have to use 2 trash cans.

Opivotal

I'm happy to hear your moving forward Gibson. Do whatever you need to.....just don't drink. You'll find your way. Volunteering is terrific. It does keep you busy and helping others always helps the soul.


Best Wishes To You!

gibson3479

thanks opivotol...we helped a couple hours and it did give me a really great feeling...When we were leaving this guy(who listed the courthouse as his address) came to get a bag of the food asked me for a couple dollars..he actually looked really ashaimed as he did so...I could smell on his breath what he wanted it for...normally I get highly annoyed by this but after knowing how painful it is to HAVE continue drinking as well as to just stop,i didnt this time.I gave him $5.My oldest daughter was a little shocked because normally I literally tell them "f#ck #ff" but today I didnt....It made me that much more thankful that I have the family,friends and resources to overcome my drinking....Ive never put myself in their shoes but Im sure I can safely say he doesnt......I know how terrified I got when I didnt have alcohol within reach...and I doubt I was ever as dependant as some of these people are...so I felt sorry for him more than annoyed.