wethepeople

What made me wake up? It's really kind of crazy but it was a man. I met this guy and I liked him so much. He was so right for me I thought. And one day he said something to me about being drunk. I'm thinking I'm not drunk, but I was. He made it very clear that if I was drunk not to call him. At first I was like who is this guy telling me not to drink. But when I saw he was for real. At that point was like okay let me get my self together. You know what I couldn't stop, I couldn't stop drinking. As bad as I wanted to, to talk him or be with him I couldn't stop drink just to kick it with he for a day. And he made it's very clear that if I had been drink not to call him. Damn for real this man won't talk to me cause I been drinking. It got me to thinking. But of course it didn't last long. But then **** in my life started falling apart and I was starting to see it. Really it has been happening for a while. I was just starting see it myself. But of course I played it down. And what do you know I met another man and he said "you get drunk like you a little kid" and didn't want to **** with me for real. So now I'm like okay what the **** is going on. I can't get a man? And it hit me I am a "Alcoholic" I cried and cried thinking about everything I done and all the people I have hurt. Most of all my kids. For 2 weeks I cried and decided to deal with everything I've been running away from, it was ugly. I then deiced I was done drinking and realized I couldn't stop. Then I got sick. I was like what the ****. So I looked it up on online.

Terminally Unique

For years, I told myself "nothing wrong here, I can stop drinking whenever I want to," but then when I actually had to do it, I realized that I had become physically dependent. If you want to learn about how this usually progresses, I recommend the book "Under the Influence" by James R. Milam.

MycoolFitz

Any reason that makes us face unfaceable truths is a good reason if it brings us to sobriety. Another scarey truth is that even though we say we can't stop, we can, at any given moment--in this monent. Its just not easy and not often pleasant. The pain you're facing know provides you a great opportunity to regain your true sober self, I hope you grab it and hang on to it for dear life. Welcome to SR.

indakut

All you can do is live from this day forward for you and your kids. Identify your triggers. Make a plan and stick to it. I tried to quit so many times, I don't think we could count them all. Are you attending meetings?

mhealer3

2 'wethepeople' (& other friends),
i'm sure you've heard it before but that's the first step girl--making yourself face what you're doing.
and it's your choice, but remember: nobody's better than you-- regardless of how u choose. it all takes time friend, one day at a time.
i want u 2 know that no man is gonna save u. but God is real & He Saves by Loving u regardless of your failures. i know firsthand
i'd be glad 2 be your friend, talk 2 me anytime. (i just don't check in daily unless somebody requests me to).
i hope you have a little hope now, to go ahead and feel the Love God has 4 you. be blessed,...mhealer3

Pigtails

I can relate. It's ironic. I realized the quality of guys I was attracting was lower and lower, and then I realized that it's because they were like me. I met them in bars, while drunk, and our lives were pretty empty except for alcohol and so we looked to fill them up with each other, and with drinking. I began to realize that I wouldn't want to date a guy like me. Someone who is always partying, drinking, not being responsible and instead escaping responsibility.

I always dated guys that liked to drink, it was like a bonding thing, and we enabled each other... but even still, they would make comments to me about me drinking too much, and to be fair, about them drinking too much too (and I would make the same comments, about me and them) and we would both say we wanted to settle down and cut back, but neither of us would, and then we'd go "have fun" together and forget about our goals/promises and how it was affecting our relationship. So alcohol really got in the way of my serious relationships and then it got to the point where I didn't even like any guy I dated. They were more, like, excuses to go out and do something and drink and not be alone. I began to realize that if I wanted a quality guy/relationship, I had to be a quality girl and be able to offer a quality relationship.

I say it's ironic because now I don't even think about relationships except with myself. I want to be happy on my own. I don't want to date mindlessly or settle. So for the first time, I'm genuinely okay being single. What was a motivating factor for me... guys... (and it sure wasn't the only motivating factor, I had a lot of things I was examining when I realized I had a problem, but that was one of them) became the last thing on my mind. I mean, sure, I'd like a good relationship, but I realize I have to focus on myself first. I'm actually glad to realize right now that something good has come out of this recent struggle of mine. It has felt really hard at times. Thanks for sharing and for the thought-provoking post. Good luck.

Dee74

welcome to SR

D

luv2all

I knew I couldn't abstain from alcohol for a day. Someone told me "then try one hour at a time." I say try ANYTHING!!! I did. I changed my drinks to diet decaf colas, orange juice, hot chocolate, lemonade, water, coffee. Of course, I joined A.A. because I knew I could not get sober on my own. AA also helps me to maintain my precious sobriety. The meetings became the most important thing in my life. They told me "90 meetings in 90 days." It may be difficult for while, buy it's far better than staying on that road to a slow, painful death. It's also known as the road to hell.

You can do it. but you have to WANT it. You won't be sorry. Please keep coming back. There's plenty to read in all the posts and replies here.

Good luck,
Luv2all

Threshold

I feel like I've now been on both sides of the coin you are on. My husband didn't offer me that exact ultimatum, but in the end it was basically that...stop using or it's over. I was using alcohol, drugs, food and inappropriate sexual relationships...I got into recovery, but too much damage had been done to the relationship, and a relapse...and it was over.

I was asked not to return to the family home, and the divorce process started. I got clean again, then began to slip, began to date a man who was a quiet/functional alcoholic. I relapsed seriously, not because of him but because I let my recovery slip again. After this last relapse. I realized that I cannot be with someone who drinks, not because he is a bad guy, but because I NEED to take care of ME.

I told him that though I care for him very much I cannot be around him when he drinks, plain and simple, no judgment on him, but recognizing that it was not healthy for me. Now I began to understand why my husband drew that boundary. Not because he did not love me, or because he thinks I am awful, but because he needed to first care for himself.

My boyfriend decided that he did want to spend time with me, more than he wanted to drink. That time with me was healthy time that was an asset to his life, time spent with beer was unhealthy time that was stealing life. He got clean, and is dipping his toe into the recovery process. He likes life better clean, and applying the principles of recovery to his life.

Sometimes I wonder if we can truly make this work, and maintain our recovery, but so far I have found that being with him, who understands that addiction is not a choice and what the recovery process involves, has been more beneficial than being with my spouse who was very resentful and not supportive of my recovery process. he didn't want to hear about it, and seemed to resent the time and energy it took. My boyfriend realizes how important it is, wants to hear about it. and encourages me. Of course he does not have the years of insanity with me and the hurt and damage of being with me when I was in active addiction. So it's easier for him to be supportive etc.

My boyfriend was with me through my last relapse, and suicidal overdose. He saw me in active addiction and the havoc it wreaked in my life. It was a serious wake up call for both of us. Even before we got together he had self identified as an alcoholic and had tried to quit, but eventually had resigned himself to becoming a hopeless alcoholic. Seeing me in recovery gave him some hope that he could get and stay clean and have a real life.

So, I do understand the pain of realizing we are addicts, that we have done damage to our lives and relationships, that good people cannot be with us, for their own good, and use that as a motivation to address our issues honestly. I also understand what it is to draw and maintain healthy boundaries.

As hopeless and scared as I felt when my husband said 'no more' I now feel very strong and hopeful that I am now capable of setting clear and healthy boundaries for myself rather than feel desperate for a relationship and totally erase my boundaries and integrity to be/stay involved.

You are at the beginning of a rewarding journey!