whereisthisgoin

We haven't finalized our divorce yet but have been trying to settle in on a visitation schedule.

In the short term, STBXAH has agreed to not having my son sleepover just yet. My point was, I couldn't leave the house with you and him while you still lived here, what makes you think I'll leave him alone with you (drunk) under a different roof?

So, to me, the goal is short visits where my STBXAH refrains from drinking alcohol. The first visit, he did just that. Today, when I brought up the topic again, he blew up! "You chased me out of the house, I came here in a good mood, and all you want to do is talk about drinking?"

My reply - your drinking got you out of the house and yes, it's important to us that you not drink during your visits.

He ranted on and on. I think he half-hearted agreed somewhere in there.

Curious what others have done and whether not drinking is spelled out in any formal paperwork.

Our son is a teenager and doesn't need this bad example of drinking everywhere and anywhere.

Thanks.

whereisthisgoin

My son prefers his dad not to drink when they are together.

Latte

You can have it written in the custody agreement, but that doesn't mean he won't do it.

BTW

We have it in the parenting section of our marital settlement agreement that he won't drink when he is with the kids (or in the hours prior to being with them, in other words, he needs to be sober). For the first nine months of our separation, I had my doubts that he really was sober but I had no proof. Then I got proof and it wasn't pretty. That's when I took 100% physical custody. That's also when I found out about doing "well check" calls with the police. You can call the police and ask them to do a well check on the kids if you suspect they might be in an unsafe place.

My ex now has overnights again and I call, sometimes in the middle of the night, to check on things. He's ok with this. In fact, the fact that he's ok with this makes me feel like things might be ok. It was when he was argumentative about it that made me most suspicious.

My advice is to put it in writing. You can't control his behavior but if it's in writing, you can get it enforced if it comes to that. If he drinks around your son, then the parenting arrangements can change.

whereisthisgoin

Yes. When we were fighting about it yesterday, our son was there. My STBXAH said, "Well, [son's name] has an opinion too."

and my son piped up and said, "AND I prefer you to not drink when we are together."

Of course, this made STBXAH madder yet, that I am somehow poisoning the mind of our son.

Turns out, they had a decent visit together. STBXAH did not drink alcohol at lunch but did let our son go for a walk without him during his visit. My son and I both believe he used that time to drink a beer or three.