tigger11

Ebony is my black miniature poodle. I adopted him through the rescue that I volunteer with a couple of months ago. He came from a deplorable situation with a breeder/hoarder. He is extremely fearful. I suspect he was hurt under at least two circumstances. One was around food. Although he obviously gets hungry and needs to eat, he’s afraid of the food, the plate, and any noise. He stays as far away from the plate as he can while stretching and reaching desperately to make his tongue reach the food, and scoots away after every bite, only to come tentatively back for more every couple of minutes. His dog tag hitting the plate will send him fleeing to the furthest corner shaking. When I first brought him home, I had to feed him canned food by hand, scooping the awful smelling stuff and letting him lick it off my fingers. The other circumstance I think he was hurt under has to do with doors. For the first 2 or three weeks I had him, I couldn’t get him in or out of the door without carrying him. Most of the time now, he’ll go out by himself, but still dashes past the door sill as though it’s going to bite him on the way. I can’t imagine what kind of horrors people can come up with surrounding food and doors, but some evil person did.

Ebony has exhibited fear in other situations. He’s terrified of people. Won’t come anywhere near them. He sticks to me as though there’s a rubber band attaching us to each other, dashing away, then coming back to glue himself to my side. If I pick him up and hand him to someone else, he’ll stay in their arms, shaking, until they either let him down so he can scoot into a dark corner, or I take him back. When I'm walking my dogs, if we meet another walker and their dog, and I stop to chat, he stays as far away as his leash allows.

Outside, he’s constantly on the lookout for something frightening. He’ll catch something out of the corner of his eye, and instantly be at a full gallop in the opposite direction. When we walk at night, he sticks to the shadows as much as possible as though he knows his black coloring will keep him hidden.

He tiptoes everywhere so no one can hear him, or notice him. He wants to remain unseen, unheard, and unnoticed. It’s so sad to see. It’s why I adopted him. I couldn’t bear to have him become accustomed to another family, or house, or other animals. He’s so afraid of everything, that I often feel his little heart to make sure it’s not beating out of his chest and killing him instantly from sheer terror.

Sometimes, I feel like Ebony. All I want is to be unseen, unheard, unnoticed. I want someone who I can snuggle up to on the couch or in bed who will protect me against a terrifying world. Someone whose very presence helps me to feel safe. Someone that I know will protect me against anything and everything. Sometimes, Ebony relaxes a little and has a little stretch, or uncurls himself from a fetal position while sleeping and looks almost peaceful. I’d like that once in a while, too.

suki44883

And please give an extra gentle hug to Ebony.

Serenity8

Not to sound trite, but if you have a higher power, you do have someone you can snuggle up with. I am constantly practicing the art of "turning it over" to my HP. It is a struggle... but when I do it I realize I'm never alone.

I'm so sorry for your Ebony, that he is so fearful. And for you, that you feel that way too. I find so much comfort in prayer, I hope that you can find it someday, too.

barb dwyer

And look how you need each other at this time in your lives.

The Infinite is oh so clever.
It's all about the timing.

The two of you can re-learn trust together.

I see a great deal of beauty in your post.
Thanks for sharing it.

laurie6781

I would to suggest a few things that will help Ebony and you. Do not coax him to his food. If you have an air kennel that is a bit larger than him, or get one, feed him in his own 'crate.' At feeding time, put him in the crate, put his dish in there and close the door. The crate will become his cave and a 'safe' place for him to eat and the other dogs cannot get near his food. It may take a few days but he will start eating better as he realizes nothing and no one can get his food.

Also it might be a good idea to take his collar off in the house until he can get past this. If you stay calm and 'assertive' at the same time, and do not baby him when these different fears appear it will help. When we get 'lovey dovey' with a canine that has been abused and they are showing fear, we are just reinforcing their reaction. By being positive and literally ignoring the 'fright and flight' action the casnine will pick up your calmness from you.

He will get better in time. When I got Shania, my avatar pic, she had some bad fears. One was a broom, so I do suspect that the fellow that originally bought her from the breeder did beat her with a broom. So I put several brooms on the floor in different rooms. One was in the living room. One was in the kitchen right in the middle. One was in the bedroom. I would step over them and go on about my business. Within 24 hours, she was going up to those brooms and sniffing them. Within 36 hours she was ignoring them. Within 48 hours I could pick up a broom and sweep the floor and she wouldn't go into 'flight mode.' Yes she was still 'wary' but no more flight. Within a month or so brooms were no longer a problem.

Your Ebony will forget what happened to him. He may never be a very 'outgoing' dog, but he will be fine with you his calm assertive pack leader.

I type the above, because I believe that is what my HP also did with me, and sometimes slowly and sometimes quickly I came to accept my HP's calm assertiveness that gave me strength to keep going.

J M H O

I must also thank you for rescuing one of our beloved fur kids. I was in rescue for years so I appreciate what you are doing.

Love and hugs,

LifeRecovery

My fear aggressive German Shepherd Dog Sassy is the reason for my post name, and has been the biggest help on this healing journey. We are both in the process of recovering from life.

I have learned so much from her and her struggles. In many instances she has acted out "for me," when I have not had the skills to do it on my own. As challenging as she can be, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

With her help and the help of my dog trainer (the best money I have ever spent). I now have two relatively serene beings in my home (the Golden is another story entirely...and though exuberantly happy, serene is not a word that I will ever use to describe him).

Thanks for this post, it reminded me of something that I really needed to be reminded of. I think it also just added to my understanding of my HP (which I have been struggling with as I work Step 1).

catlovermi

I'm so glad you shared this, because it is very similar, what happens to animals, as what happens to folks, sometimes. It feels good reading this, knowing you will be gentle with Ebony, and help the healing process - that Ebony was one of the lucky ones, to land in loving hands.

Have you tried feeding without a dish? And leaving Ebony alone to eat, so he doesn't have to keep one eye on the scary, unpredictable human while trying to eat? Such as at the same time each feeding, leave alone for 30 min - dogs learn routines quickly and come to rely on them. Sometimes watching a dog eat adds pressure to them. Or if Ebony is a rubber band dog (needs to be near you at all times), then be in the same room as the food, but be a good 10 feet from the food and turn your back to it and read something so your eyes are not on Ebony or the food, but Ebony can still see you.

I've found with rescues that if you can find a play drive in them and work with that (they must trust you and have bonded with you first, for this to work), then you can use this very well to desensitize about fears. For example, learn a fun play activity, then use this around fearful objects, or get a gentle person other than yourself to play this game with the two of you, etc. In other words, fun can help trump fear.

With gentle handling, healing will come to both of you.

As you already know, Ebony will be one of your greatest teachers in life, about life.

Sending encouragement, and keep us updated!

CLMI

tigger11

Oh my goodness... I read all your spectacular replies before getting ready for church, and now I'll be late, but oh well. I'd love to respond to each one, but in the interest of time, just one comment. Yesterday, after a long day of working at PetSmart and PetCo, my rescue organization was able to to adopt out NINE of our dogs. A banner day! Three more have appointments today. Last week, we pulled 12 dogs from breeders, saving them from certain death, and horrendous conditions. Thus, we saved TWELVE lives, and carefully matched 12 homes for these precious ones. Now we potentially have 12 Ebony-like situations (different personalities of course) where God matched dogs with people for a long lasting and wonderful relationship.

Last night I was weary from that long day and the AH issues. Today, I'm rested. So here's a humorous addition to the story...

Ebony also bolts from the couch beside me when I pass gas. I'm sorry, but I can't help but crack up every time. Would that be considered a fun activity Catlovermi? LOL it gets me every time.

Thanks and hugs to all
Tigg

Fandy

FWIW~ I adopted my dog last year from a rescue group associated with Petsmart through Petfinder...He is a larger adult 5 years old, Pomeranian (12 lbs)....he was taken from owners who left him outside with no shelter in all kinds or weather, never neutered him or trained him...He did not do well in foster care, being the smallest and the newest of the pack....when I got him he was being fostered in a local kennel after being nuetered...it's an excellent kennel with a great rep and I got good progress reports when I checked up on him.

In the 14 months I've had him, Sammy has made great progress, he is 95% housetrained, will use a wee-wee pad if needed, plays with my 3 cats and loves to go for walks and is very social with people....but he does not do well with other dogs, especially the large ones...he only plays and does not get worked up with my neighbor's little rat terrior female. I still feel he needs to be confined while i am at work, but it is in a large florida room, air conditioned with floor-to-ceiling glass and a wooded view with critter and bird action. at night he jumps off the bed around 11-1130PM and goes into his crate (which i keep in the doorway of my walk-in closet)....I think his fears are fading, but he also does the snatch and run to rug in the doorway with his food sometimes...in the beginning I had to stand next to him while he ate, if I went to another room he came with me....

Odd thing is, If I go outside without him, he sometimes pees on the bedroom rug?....any suggestions would be welcome...he gets lots of attention, walks and I know he has bladder control....i was thinking it might be the recent brutal heat? i do not take him on long walks when it's over 100 degrees, but he knows to ask to go out too....he has no fear of people and if I firmly admonish him for pee on the rug ( I point and talk louder and have a stern voice)...he goes to his crate and lays down..i just leave the door open. originally if I spoke to him sternly, he would growl....one thing he is afraid of is newspaper, I think the original owner used to smack him across the face....he does not come near me if I want to read a magazine?

laurie6781

Just a thought, do what I did with the broom and other things Shania was 'fearful' of. Leave a magazine on the floor, right in the middle, in 'his room' (your Florida room, lol) and walk over it. Same with a section of the newspaper. Maybe also one of each on the bedroom floor and one of each on the kitchen floor. You just ignore that they are there. He will see you nonchalantly walking over them, on them and will slowly come to realize that they are okay.

Of course, your house may not 'look' as neat, rofl but what's a little mess to help our fur kids?

As to his peeing on the bedroom rug, if it were me, every time I was going to go outside without him, even for a few minutes, I would either put him in his crate with the door closed or locked in the Florida Room. He will slowly start to realize, that just like when you go to work you are coming back, and him trying to 'assert pack leadership' will not be tolerated.

I agree with Cesar Milan on this one and it is what my daddy started teaching me over 61 years ago, 'love and affection' are only given when the fur kid is in a calm state (peeing on rug is not a 'calm state'). When they are starting to 'hype' up or get excited and trying to 'assert' pack leadership is when they are calmly and firmly shown that you are still the Pack Leader, be it by putting them in their crate, or 'their room' and letting them be. Just as a 'pack leader' of a wolf clan will push a misbehaving underling away.

The hardest thing for me to learn was how to 'think' like a canine and treat a canine like a canine and not a human. But it does work.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

catlovermi

I did have one rescue with very short, sleek coat who was entirely housebroken, usually following her rescue canine buds outside each time. But she did NOT like the cold on her skin and would not wear any garments, so when temps got cold enough, she just plain refused to go outside, follow her rescue buds, etc. She would only go outside if I went with outside. Part of this may be they are smart enough to wonder if they might get locked outside by accident.

I had another rescue who was an anxiety pee-er. If you looked too closely at the face (a possible threat/dominance behavior for canines, but a natural thing for a pet owner to do), the dog got anxious and would submissively pee on the spot. I had to retrain myself to think in terms of avoiding spiking anxiety, which in this case meant sort of off-handedly approaching the dog, looking mostly away and only with partial focus on them, then putting a hand out to pet, rather than looking directly at the dog, approaching with an extended hand. (early in this progression, I would walk a few steps toward him, and then turn and run away laughin, inviting a game of "chase me," so the walking toward him became linked with the beginning of a game, not a punishment coming toward him - see later in this post)

Each rescue is unique, and the joy of working with them is you must become an animal whisperer to, as Laurie said, learn to think like they do, feel like they do, in order to work WITH them.

In the case of Ebony, it's pretty clear he's been traumatized and abused, so it takes some time to begin to learn what sorts of triggers Ebony has. Something fun for a normal dog like picking up a ball and throwing it may be a fear trigger for an abused animal if an object (such as a food dish) was picked up and hurled toward the animal. A good place to start is slowly starting following/chasing game, where the dog follows you or chases you, and gets a gentle reward or food treat upon reaching you. This allows the dog to go after you, so he is not being chased or having an object put toward him. If you can teach a raucous game of "catch me if you can" until the dog is joyful, then other play games can be introduced, such as roll a ball away from the dog and see if they have any inclination to follow it. Some dogs love to chase and retrieve, some love to play tug of war, some like jumping or obstacles (think agility course type stuff) - it differs according to the animal and their natural profile, and then also according to their fears and triggers. Usually, though, you can get a good game of "catch me" with a reward at the end, once you gain their trust, if it's introduced slowly. Once you get good at this, introduce loud noises, drop objects, run through obstacles or scary places, etc. during this play, always ending in the reward. Soon, they screen out the formerly scary stuff, because they are busy having fun!

CLMI

Freedom1990

My greyhound sat at the adoption kennels for 2 1/2 years and was always passed up because he did not present well. He cowered at the back of his kennel when potential adopters came through.

I have learned much from him, including patience and unconditional love. In the past 5 years he has blossomed into a goofy lovable clown.

I could write a book on all the baby steps we went through just the first year with him.

My dogs have all been tremendous teachers for me!

Fandy

in the beginning I think Sammy had anxiety-pee....he and one of the cats were on the bed and he pinned "the Pook" (the youngest cat) under his paws and sat on him, the cat was NOT amused, hissed, I yelled and Sammy peed on the spot...(which was on the fresh sheets of course).....he also once did the bed-pee when I went into the shower...he now either goes to his room or i keep him in the bathroom with me...He NEVER will pee *inapropriately* right in front of me.

the bed pee confused me because he knows that is our "den" and we watch TV in there all the time, everyone hangs together, him and 2 of the cats have no problem...he is fine with the livingroom furniture and sits or sleeps on the couch.

I'm going to take Laurie's advice about the magazines and confinement for now and hope it works....it has been extremely hot in NJ (we hit 108 the other day) so i have not been taking him for long walks, but he does not want to go out at all....i have to drag him....he does like it when I hose him down along with the flowers, if we stay out to water, but he dries instantly in the heat too.

thanks for the info and suggestions....it's no big deal to have magazines on the floor...along with lots of other stuff.

catlovermi

- oops just realized you said he DOES like it, I thought you said he does NOT like it... hmmm

Does he display anxiety around water or around the possibility of being squirted with water? Perhaps he was traumatized earlier, associated with water.

If he was new to your household, and he has anxiety around water, you leaving, then him hearing the shower running could be cause for anxiety-pee.

I'm always on the lookout for patterns with rescues, because sometimes the weirdest thing triggers anxiety. After hunting, I find something that makes a SOUND LIKE, or something that SEEMS LIKE a formerly traumatizing thing to the animal - it doesn't even have to be the actual thing, it just has to remind them of it and give them fear flashbacks. Once you start to read the cues, you can make very rapid progress with the animal.

(And Tigger, I can't help but imagine some big burly macho man sitting on the couch with Ebony, thinking it's hilariously funny to pass gas and then make a joke about it and cuff the little poodle in "blame" of passing gas...)

CLMI

tigger11

It's fun to see how many of us truly love our animals, and some of you are replete with great pointers. We seem to have our own animal training expertise right here.

So many of us have beloved pets, whether it's from a perspective of wanting to care for a living being and having the love returned, or from loneliness, or for whatever reason... we... this group, seems to me to be particularly enamored with our pets.

I loved all of your tips. The two that stood out for me were 1) Laurie's about placing the object of fear in the room, and 2) CLMI's about making a following game fun.

I've had one training session with the rescue's dog trainer. Laurie, your Cesar information is matches to a T with how this trainer trains. This is wonderful training for those of us who do not have assertive personalities. Be the pack leader in your home with your animals, and see how that spills into your life with humans. I'm starting that thought process. My wonderful DV counselor concurs.

Thanks to all for your replies!
Tigg

Fandy

on the contrary..Sammy LOVES water.....he sits in the kitchen sink for a bath....and lays down outside for the hose in the recent 100 degree temps. when I take him to the groomer, they all comment about how much he loves to be groomed and loves his bath time....(he does yoga posing, splays out the back legs and arches his back like a cat.) he is really a great little dog (my first small breed, i previously had a very well trained Akita)...except for a few wierd behaviors....today he interacted with the neighbors pug female...she nipped his back legs and he just yapped but did not hurt her.

i love to watch the dog whisperer too when i can catch it on Natgeo.

frances2011

Just appreciating all the love and sane helpful responses in his helpful thread. (((grats for our pets)))))

catlovermi

LOL, kinda like this guy!

And Freedom, that just breaks my heart, imagining waiting two years behind bars, never being picked. But in the end, he got a great home, so at least his wait was not in vain!

I have the hardest time comprehending folks who don't want anything to do with animals... animals have so enriched my life and perspectives.

CLMI

Thumper

What a great thread. Makes me think about how my recent rescue dog is a perfect match for how I might be feeling in this world. Not abused or fearful, but sort of alone and not bonded or attached. HP at work maybe, matching up people and pets!

I got this dog primarily for my boys, who have been begging for a dog for a long time. She is definitely good for my 10yo and I'm surprised at how she is growing on me too! She's a really great dog. We searched the rescue sights (and made visits to the pound) for a number of months waiting for the one dog that really seemed perfect for us and I think we hit the jack pot!

Fandy

I decided that I could give proper care and attention to a dog when I was 3 months sober...I've never regretted either...(except trying to walk the dog on the ice this past winter or 4 feet of snow).