gibson3479

Its beginning of day 5 for me even though Ive still only managed 3 hours of sleep.My husband has to work today and since Im his alarm clock (because he will sleep through alarms even if pushed into his ear drum)I ended up deciding to stay up and go for a run before it gets to the 100 degrees it is going to today.So without much thought I start getting ready along side my husband,brushing teeth throwing hair in pony tale,and putting on a little make up(yes,Im THAT girl who wears make up to work out )...anyways hubby looks at me and is smiling....kinda creeped me out and Im like"why are you looking at me like that?" and he says "this is the first time in years Ive watched you put on make up and not tell me to not look because your hands were shaking"....Its true! I hadnt even noticed ....I can not remember the last time I out on make up without having to force my hands still and today I didnt....My body feels calm...Ive also noticed its been 3 days since Ive taken excedrine migraine and heart burn meds....I usually go though a bottle of each a week....geez my poor liver is probably the most thankful part of my body right now...Ive also not had to wake up before everyone else and delete all my drunken facebook posts or clean up beer cans that Ive laid around once to drunk to care .....Im beggininng to start feeling much less disgusted,ashaimed and guilty and instead Im so happy right now because these things are showing me/reminding me of life when it was normal....I knew I had a problem for years but every day now...every few hours ...Im realizing just how clowdy everything has been to me these past few years.My mind has not been this clear and my body has not cooperated with me in so long......now lets just hope it does so I can get this first run in 3 years in without passing out

Opivotal

That's great news Gibson! I bet you feel proud this morning. You should, your on your way to a healthy and much happier life. Congratulations on 5 cloudless days! Enjoy your run!



Best Wishes To You!

ForwardMotion

Congrats Gibson, you can feel the joy radiating from your post! It really does feel wonderful to be sober, even though it's tough sometimes, it's work that pays dividends! Have a great run!

gibson3479

Thank you ..I am really happy....I didnt realize the extent of how bad Ive felt until finally feeling good again.... Im heading out now to attempt this run Its been awhile...

ajangel

Don't over do it gibson. Your body is still healing and your bp may sky rocket off and on during detox. A good sweat really helps clean out those poisons though. Great job on 3 days.

readyforlife

That is so great on day 5. I feel hope reading all these posts. How did you quit? Cold turkey or medication? Just wondering as I am just starting this journey.

jen7916

Congrats on 5 days Gibson! Your happiness & excitement made me smile for the first time today

gibson3479

Thank you guys..yes I quit cold turkey...but I was lucky as my only withdraws have been anxiety and I am 2 minutes from the hospital had anything took a turn for the worse.I am going to the dr Monday though just to get checked up ,I personally didnt want to go while detoxing because Ive had a BAD experience with benzos and anti depressants and I have been concerned with being talked into using those for awhile...For me "personally" that is just as dangerous as alcohol.
I did go for my run today and I realize I am way far out of shape...I could not get my breathing right so I stopped and walked...I took advice not to over do it...Instead in the morning my husband and I are going to hike a small local mountain here....It will allow me a better pace and I can stop as needed.
Its Saturday and I am concerned with tonight,not that I will give in because my family support plans to make that IMPOSSIBLE,but just that Ill be miserable fighting the urge.Hopefully Im wrong and tonight stays as easy as the others have been.

cleareyes

Gibson - I love reading your posts they give me lots of hope for myself. I too am a wife and mother and have been having lots of trouble getting past Day 1

I believe that you will do fine tonight as you see how wonderful you feel and how proud your family is of you. I'm sure there will be urges but I think you'll get past them and tomorrow you will be even more proud of yourself and be able to see how you CAN get past a weekend.

I hope that next Saturday I can sit here writing similar words as yours. Thanks so much for you optimism, excitement and honesty.

gibson3479

cleareyes,Ive got to credit this site for helping me make it this far...Ive pretty much lived on ehre while going through these first few days and at every urge Id read another post and it would help.Ive been on day 1 soooooooo many times over the past few years.Ive made it to 3 a few times and then......Ive tried every way possible to slow down,or taper off,or limit to weekends and I failed miserably at that so 3 years later I have realized I have no choice but to stop completely ....Im still struggling with that in my mind but I know it has to be that way.You know I thought I am a "functioning alcoholic" this whole time and not until the past couple days of sobering up I am realizing how wrong I was.I suddenly feel closer to my family and in more control of my body and emotions.and Im seeing more clear all the damage drinking has done ..and I am still in the beggining stages so I know that will all only increase......Ive spent so many times drinking and thinking to myself "Ill stop tomorrow,this is my last time,Ill stop next week,Ill stop after holidays......" Being on here has helped me work past those thoughts hour by hour..I worry every morning if Im going to be strong enough to stick with this...but at the point of turning to strangers for help I think we know we kind of HAVE to

readyforlife

Gibson: Yes I think I would start off walking. Reading your post you give me such confidence. I don't know how much you were drinking but I was at about 10 beers a day spread out over about 9 hours and last night I was going to start my taper to 9 but ended up not even finishing 8. I never thought I would leave a partially full beer before going to bed. The reason I thought about a taper is because I want to minimize withdrawal. I did got to my doctor Wedn and was totally honest with him that I was drinking about 12 beers a day and had started to taper. He told me if I felt that I could do that to cut it back by 1 a day and I go back to him in two weeks. I am like you when it comes to medication so I am going to give this a try. My doctor said it would be hard to predict if I would have withdrawal or not but if I felt safer this way he was ok to give it a whirl. When I was walking out of his office he touched my arm and said "we will get through this together just always be honest with me." Made me quite teary!

I am sure you will do great tonight and keep up the great work!

gibson3479

readyforlife,I have been drinking around 12-17 beers a day (sometimes but rarely liquor) for 3 years..I binge drink every weekend from wake up til pass out and during the week I try to slow down but still end up drinking in the minimum 6-12....Ive gained so much weight from it.My anxiety kills me when I try not to drink and to be honest Ive always feared that more than any other withdrawl symptom...I do rememeber when I was in icu for a seizure brought on by alcohol poisoning they gave me librium and it helped while i was there but as soon as i went home and thought i felt better within 2 days i was drinking again.I wanted to taper off too but I dont have the will power for that so Im having to do this all or nothing.....even though thats not recommended by anyone.

Opivotal

Gibson I spent my first week on SR pretty much 24/7. Every time I wanted to drink I would read till the urge passed. SR kept me sober...but to be honest I was so tired of failing, I would do anything not to drink. I gotta give you a lot of credit for getting out and walking, running, or hiking. I was a slug. lol

I'm so happy you have family to encourage you to stay sober. It's important to have support. Believe in yourself Gibson..You CAN do this.



Best Wishes To You!

gibson3479

Opivotal,I gotta be honest I want to just sit here and do nothing..and for the most part Ihave been just living on my laptop the past few days ...but I also know my way of thinking...one of the big reasons I want to stop drinking is to get myself back in shape and lose the weight Ive gained....my insecurities hurt me and my relationships as much as drinking has....I also know that is I just sit here and dont keep eating right and working out or being active I wont lose the weight and I worry Ill use that as an excuse..."if Im going to be fat and miserable I mine as well be drunk while fat and miserable"...Ive actually said those words out loud many times lately...I HAVE to see immediate results to stick with ANYTHING! That has always been a huge flaw with me....that and changing my mind nonstop ...For me to suceed in doing this I have to make it a complete instant life change....Kind of like when I got my 1st divorce...I was scared if I left him Id change my mind so I packed while he was out of town playing a show(musician) and moved across country THEN called to tell him.Not much turning back from there ~

Opivotal

Gibson...I hear you and I understand. I really do hun. But....your body is trying to heal itself. You have to try and be kind to yourself, the first couple of weeks. It's too much to take on your first week sober. I don't want to see you sabotage yourself. If you push to hard and too fast, your setting yourself up to fail. I tell you this from experience.

Please give yourself a good week(at least) to relax and pamper yourself. When your body starts healing and your mind gets properly focused, you can take on more. You will start feeling better and loving yourself again, because you will be proud of what you accomplished. Once you get to that point...the clean eating, exercise, etc will be easier for you to stick to.

We can't solve all our problems and insecurities the first couple of weeks of sobriety. Trust me it takes time. But it does happen gradually. Just don't give up!!!

I know for myself, years of drinking and the damage I did to myself, and my body, didn't go away overnight. I thought it would, just like you. Wanted results right away...I learned patience and I was surely lacking in that department.

So Gibson ...hang on!


Best Wishes To You!

Anna

Gibson,

Good for you for recognizing that you have more clarity in your recovery. I was kind of shocked when I looked back at my drinking days and thought it wasn't really that bad. It was!

I have used SR as a source of strength for years and I hope you keep reading and posting. For me, balance is the key, and for me, I need to find the balance in my life every day. I take long walks daily, do yoga, read tons of spiritual books and it all helps.

ajangel

OOPS. Great job on 5 days. Sorry.

ajangel

We all want that instant gratification. You do need to pamper yourself right now. Your body is healing. Don't worry about the weight yet. You will stress yourself out so much you will want to drink. I have been eating everything in site since I quit drinking. I know I have gained 5 lbs in a couple of days. I am trying not to fret about it. To me, my sobriety has to be top priority. The weight can come off. If I drink, I may have that one drink that will send me to my death. Scary but true. Hang in there.