bayliss

Hello Everyone,

Day 5 of being sober...I don't believe I have ever gone five days in over 2 years....and to be honest, I don't think I have ever gone one weekend in the past 2 years without a drink...so I am very very afraid that I am going to drink this weekend.
This time, it is a bit different. I don't want to drink. I mean...I kinda do...but at the same time, I want to keep going with this sobriety thing, obviously...be proud that I went a weekend without it...but it's so hard...I keep thinking about it. Do we ever stop thinking of drinking???
Every weekend for the past year I have been drinking starting at around 10am til whenever I pass out at night...same goes with Sunday's...it's such a routine that I don't even know what I am going to do with myself this weekend or how I am going to feel.
Tomorrow we are supposed to go to a BBQ where all you do is basically drink and eat and chat and blablabla...and then afterwards a bonfire...
I daydream that I refuse to have a drink and my boyfriend being super proud of me...but I am afraid that my head is going to get in the way and tell me that I HAVE and NEED to have a drink to have fun.
To be honest, this has been a really great week, minus thinking about drinking and thinking if I am going to snap one day and drink half the liquor store in town...but I have been staying up and reconnecting with friends and going on here and giving my opinion and reading and everything...and I just feel good...
I don't want that feeling to go away.
Ugh. I hate u booze. >:-Z

MycoolFitz

Sometimes we create what we most fear like the boogie man in the closet or under the bed. Weekends are just time concepts they don't have the power to make you drink. Only you have that control. Its tough when you think you don't want to drink..but you kinda do. seeing the weekend as a set up for failure instead of an opportunity to succeed. Its totally up to you. For me that was the scariest part of sobriety--it was ultimately in my hands. I wish you the best.

gibson3479

I am EXACTLY the same way even more so on weekends.I drink from all of Friday night and start while cooking breakfast Saturday and that lasts until Sunday night.This will be my first weekend sober and Im thankful we have no plans so my fight shouldnt be as hard.Maybe you should avoid the cookout this weekend?I feel so good today on my 4th day sober....I can not wait to get through this weekend and know that I made it...and then next week and the week after.I want this too bad..Ive kept my mind occupied by this site since my head is stuck on alcohol right now anyways...Good luck to you and just try to keep in mind of how good you feel right now and how bad you will feel Monday if you drink....thats what my plan is.

Soberpotamus

Rearranging preconceptions and perspectives is powerful... realize it's just a societal construct that you've chosen to play into. As are lots and lots of things people do...

Also, Bayliss... you said you're feeling good and you don't want that to stop, right? Well, when you pick up a bottle, glass, or can to drink... you know you're sabotaging your ability and right to feel those good feelings.

You'll need to make up your mind right now if you're going to drink this weekend or not... there's NO better time that right now to do that. Get it straight... either you're going to or not... and if you say MAYBE... you might as well be saying YES One foot on either side of the fence is shaky, shaky ground.

Cheering you on...

Dee74

I avoided all those kinds of occasions for a while...I tried several times to be a non drinker and still live my old drinking life - same parties, same friends - but it never worked out for me.

I recommend giving it a miss until you feel stronger in your resolve.

If that's not an option, for whatever reason....There are some helpful tips in this link - it's ostensibly for Thanksgiving but it's applicable nearly everywhere I think.

Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide

D

StPeteGrad

^^^^Exactly what Dee Said^^^^

These first few days are a gift. It's valuable but still fragile.

catallus

Hi bayliss,

5 days in - nice - keep at it. I'm not even going to sugar coat this: You're attempting to abstain from alcohol your first weekend in two years, and you'll be spending it at a BBQ where all your friends will be drinking and appearing to be having a swell time - this is going to be difficult. Doing the same old thing so early in recovery could be detrimental to your recovery. I am not saying you will drink, but I am saying it will be difficult. If you go, it might be good to go in with a plan. Will your bf support you and perhaps whisk you away if need be? Can you bring a friend that doesn't drink for added support? Do your friends at the BBQ know you are trying to stop drinking or will they be pushing bottles 'o booze at you?
If you're serious about recovery, some changes may need to occur - may I humbly suggest getting phone numbers and a strong support network in place?
I hope you keep feeling good and good luck this weekend. Please to let us know how it went.

Best wishes

bayliss

Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom. Seriously. Reading it makes me really dig deeper and delve into the emotions I feel when thinking about alcohol, abstaining from it, or thinking about drinking it...

I think I am going to pass on the BBQ...it might rain tomorrow anyways...I really need to make a plan though as to what I will be doing during the day. I'm the kind of alcoholic that needs to drink to clean or do anything...I feel "normal" when I do. So it's going to be quite the difference for me having no alcohol at all during the day.

Catallus - unfortunately there are only 2 people that know about my drinking problem; my boyfriend and a close friend of mine...if I go to this BBQ I know they will all push the booze on me, I used to drink all of them under the table and they think I'm the "life" of the party.
I know it sounds really really silly but I don't want to be the "party pooper" or be known as the "boring one". And I don't want them thinking anything if I do refuse...
I guess this is one of the biggest reasons that I probably won't go. I don't want to sabotage myself.
My boyfriend is definitely supportive of my not drinking and is one of the biggest reasons as to why I am not drinking anymore.

I do have a question though...do you think that if you choose one day a week to have a couple drinks; is that sabotaging your efforts? Do you think it's just going to go back to a daily occurrence?
I feel bad because I know my boyfriend doesn't have a drinking problem and sometimes he wants to have a couple beers over the weekend and I feel like I am holding him back. I know that sounds a little silly as well...

I have so many questions...I am so new to this...it's so alien to me, I know no one in my family that has a drinking problem or friends that do. I just never thought that it would happen to me.
I am a little irritable today...

And SoberJennie - you're right, I really am on shaky ground...I need to make a decision...this is really frustrating.

Basically what it comes down to is I DO NOT WANT TO DRINK OVER THE WEEKEND...but I am afraid that when 6pm rolls around, well, a switch will flip and I will end up back at square one.

Thanks to everyone again. Really appreciate it. You guys are all really amazing and I am SOOOO happy that I found this forum.

MycoolFitz

To be honest, yes I think choosing one day a week to have a couple of drinks is sabotaging your sobriety. Sorry but you asked. To me sobriety isn't a part time job its a full time vocation. What you do is up to you. I hope you choose wisely. And don't worry about what your boyfriend chooses to do or holding him back. Your focus needs to be on you right now.

Dee74

I let my fear of not wanting to be a wet blanket, or peer pressure, keep me drinking for years after I knew I had a problem and needed to stop. My people pleasing nearly killed me.

You know, as I did, whats right for you.



I think if I'm drinking, I'm not sober. If I was drinking, not matter how much, I'd still be in the cycle, and still be under the control of my addiction. I'd be back drinking daily in no time, Bayliss.

You are not your boyfriend, and this is not his recovery Bayliss.
Focus on you - you'll need to

D

artsoul

I think you're very wise to skip the BBQ...... there will be lots of lots of occasions in the future. It really does take time to get used to being sober and I think we have a better chance if we concentrate on baby steps at first. That's just being kind to yourself.

Since your boyfriend is supportive, maybe the two of you could do something different this weekend: go out to eat, to the movies, take a walk, etc..... the less it reminds you of alcohol, the better.

You deserve to call the shots right now, whether others "get it" or not.

Noironsmile

Hi Bayliss,
I read the replies to your weekend dilemma and I am quite impressed. There is a lot of good answers here. I will follow the action plan myself.
I love the fact that you are reaching for help here. Knowledge is power. You are lucky to have such a supportive guy in your corner.
I applaud your efforts.

BurnsCarpenter

Bayliss

I'm on day 5. Normally I'd have worked my way through 1/2 a 12 pack by this time on a Friday. This after a hungover day from the same thing the night before.

I'm going to a bar tomorrow for a quiz night. Luckily, a few of my friends are non-drinker and so no pressure to party. I find that when I've had a big meal I have no desire to drink, plus, I am going to tell my friends about my new exercise regimen. That should get me through without any trouble. Its a danger zone though. I once heard a great line: something like, "If you go to the barber's enough times you're eventually going to get a haircut".

I'd find a way to skip it. I'm working on getting out of an annual event with some friends coming up in August because they will be hard on me. I must say, every day my resolve grows. I feel so good. The constant guilt and shame has given way to pride. Plus I am trying to use my time productively. But, this is about addiction and in the long run successful recovery means work, dealing with temptation/friends and ultimately the triggers that call us back. Good luck.

ETA

I agree completely. Just say "I'm not drinking" and then do what you need to do to make sure you don't.

Don't feel bad if you skip the BBQ - they're tough. I went to one last weekend and was truly tempted but said no. I found myself incredibly BORED and went home early. The next morning I woke up early, felt great and had a beautiful day!

I quit 30 days ago - at that point it had probably been about 10 years before I had a weekend where I didn't drink. Now I have made through 3.

You can do it!

catallus

bayliss,

I agree with MycoolFitz: I believe daily usage of alcohol would result. If you're an alcoholic or an addict, keeping any addictive substance in your system even just one day a week can keep your addictions and cravings alive and kicking all week long. I wouldn't recommend it.

Please don't worry about what other people will say or will think, this is your recovery - your life. I'm glad you have two people for support, but the more the merrier.. Keep posting here - you'll find a lot of support here..

Good night bayliss

BunnyLoves

I would recommend skipping the BBQ and bonfire, at least this time...being around others who drink can easily sabotage all your efforts!

Reset

In your first post you wrote about worrying about needing a drink to have fun. So don't have fun this weekend. Get your head cleared out now and worry about fun later.

Don't feel like you have to do anything, even clean. Not doing anything worked for me. All I did the first few weekends was watch movies and read. I had to make being sober the priority.

yes and yes


Not silly at all. I never tried to impose the conditions of my problem on my wife. It's my problem, not hers, and if she wants to drink she's welcome to do so. If you can have it in the house and not let it affect you, even better.

And good for you for skipping the BBQ. A very wise choice, imo. There will be lots of opportunities to do that kind of stuff down the road. You won't be missing much and it's not worth the temptation at this stage.

bayliss

Thanks again everyone...
It is Saturday and usually by now I have a glass of wine right by my side as I clean or surf the internet...it's weird not to have any and am not sure how I feel at the moment...irritable? Not really....weird, yea...

So I am skipping the bbq and am going to be skipping the party bonfire thing...I don't plan on drinking...Saturdays aren't too too bad for me, Sunday's are usually the worst...I drink on Sundays to deal with my anxiety because I don't want to go to work the next day...so I am usually drunk for most of it, so I am not sure how that is going to pan out...

I have another question...do you guys ever "test" yourself?
I am thinking of getting alcohol for my boyfriend since he wants to drink tonight...I don't know if this is setting myself up for failure...I don't really think so to be honest...but to stick to my non-alcoholic beverages and just let him drink and see how it affects me?

I saw a counsellor once who suggested I try to buy a small bottle of red wine, leave it on the counter and only have ONE a night...
I haven't tried that though since I don't really want to...I mean, if I am not going to drink, I'm not going to drink. Especially during the week.

Words can't express how glad I am to have found this site! Everyone is soooo supportive! Thanks guys!

I am on Day 6 now...well, beginning of day 6. Hope to be back on here tomorrow and let you know I am on Day 7.

KellyToronto

Just read your post.

That's insane.

If alcoholics are powerless over alcohol, and all bets are off, as to what will happen once the first drop touches your lips, why set a little bottle on the counter and stare at it?

The Phenomenon of Craving will start up once you take a sip.

I hope your weekend goes well. I am going to lots of meetings.

Kelly

bayliss

I know it's a little bit silly...I am just going by what the counsellor suggested I try doing...I didn't know if it was the best idea myself, but I just wanted to hear what you guys thought about it.