New Here - Sister of an A
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Potomac, MD
Posts: 2
New Here - Sister of an A
My little sister (who is almost 40) has been dangerously drinking for most of her life. She's been pretty lucky (though she wouldn't always agree) because she's not dead and she's not out of work and she's not had her condo foreclosed (yet).
She's struggled with massive depression, a lot of rage, weight issues (failed lap-band, failure to keep up with gyms she joins, etc), and what I believe is ADHD and/or bi-polar disorder. Her new therapist, whom she likes, says they can't properly start working on medicating her until she is sober.
She finally came clean that she's over $20K in debt and they are coming for her place. She just started an outpatient program and is frantically working on fixing up her place to rent a room. But that's kind of a pipe-dream - the court case is in a few weeks - she won't raise the money in time. She admittedly has a hard time asking for (and receiving) help - so this is extraordinarily hard for her. I'm proud she is trying though.
My Parents don't know she's this bad, they are in big time denial - and we've both done a good job of hiding most of this from them. My mom is NPD - and I'm very scared of how she is going to react - and if it will send my sister over the edge (a call from Wells Fargo got her drinking 4 days into the program. . .and they didn't know her 'hot buttons' like my mom does). That said, they are her only hope for a loan or legal advice that we can figure out.
I have been working on detachment. I'm almost 7 months pregnant with a toddler and a husband out of town. . .I'm worried about EVERYTHING and also trying to not worry (but it catches you by surprise. . . ).
I keep reminding myself "I'm not in trouble. I have not done anything wrong. I am OK." But the anxiety is there.
I'm hoping my parents help with a loan (not a gift). I'm hoping she stays in the program. I'm hoping she can find the right balance of meds to allow her a normal life.
Alanon is hard to get to - with my 2yr old and full-time job - so I'm sharing my story here. Thank you for listening.
She's struggled with massive depression, a lot of rage, weight issues (failed lap-band, failure to keep up with gyms she joins, etc), and what I believe is ADHD and/or bi-polar disorder. Her new therapist, whom she likes, says they can't properly start working on medicating her until she is sober.
She finally came clean that she's over $20K in debt and they are coming for her place. She just started an outpatient program and is frantically working on fixing up her place to rent a room. But that's kind of a pipe-dream - the court case is in a few weeks - she won't raise the money in time. She admittedly has a hard time asking for (and receiving) help - so this is extraordinarily hard for her. I'm proud she is trying though.
My Parents don't know she's this bad, they are in big time denial - and we've both done a good job of hiding most of this from them. My mom is NPD - and I'm very scared of how she is going to react - and if it will send my sister over the edge (a call from Wells Fargo got her drinking 4 days into the program. . .and they didn't know her 'hot buttons' like my mom does). That said, they are her only hope for a loan or legal advice that we can figure out.
I have been working on detachment. I'm almost 7 months pregnant with a toddler and a husband out of town. . .I'm worried about EVERYTHING and also trying to not worry (but it catches you by surprise. . . ).
I keep reminding myself "I'm not in trouble. I have not done anything wrong. I am OK." But the anxiety is there.
I'm hoping my parents help with a loan (not a gift). I'm hoping she stays in the program. I'm hoping she can find the right balance of meds to allow her a normal life.
Alanon is hard to get to - with my 2yr old and full-time job - so I'm sharing my story here. Thank you for listening.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Your sister will live without a condo if they foreclose on it. A lot of newly sober alcoholics start out with a few difficulties (financial/credit problems are VERY common). It won't keep her from getting sober and staying that way.
My suggestion is that you post often here (if you have trouble making Al-Anon meetings--though some do have childcare, you can call the local central office to inquire), let your sister know you will support her sobriety but can't fix her problems. Hopefully she gets herself an AA sponsor, who will help her start putting her life back together by working the Steps.
Hugs,
My suggestion is that you post often here (if you have trouble making Al-Anon meetings--though some do have childcare, you can call the local central office to inquire), let your sister know you will support her sobriety but can't fix her problems. Hopefully she gets herself an AA sponsor, who will help her start putting her life back together by working the Steps.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Hi Susan... Welcome...
One thing-- the loan from your parents is something fairly dangerous. Loans to alcoholics almost never turn out well. IMHO this should be carefully considered, and it should be accepted that it's highly likely the money will never be paid back.
That said, as Lexie said you can lose everything and still be fine. My wife and I did lose all of our money and our home as a result of her addiction and my codependency. Literally all of it, and thousands of dollars in debt on top of it.
Because we are both fully engaged in recovery we have a home (rental), our bills get paid (and we are almost out of debt), and life is good to be perfectly frank. At least for now. It was 12 years of hell to get here, several years in recovery for me and one full year in recovery for my wife, but here we are.
Good luck. Remember, your sister is an adult and must take care of herself. It must be clear by now that neither you nor your parents can, and maybe if you stop trying and let her fully experience all of her consequences she'll find recovery. Many people do, some worse off than your sister.
You will be busy taking care of you and your precious baby who cannot.
Take care,
Cyranoak
That said, as Lexie said you can lose everything and still be fine. My wife and I did lose all of our money and our home as a result of her addiction and my codependency. Literally all of it, and thousands of dollars in debt on top of it.
Because we are both fully engaged in recovery we have a home (rental), our bills get paid (and we are almost out of debt), and life is good to be perfectly frank. At least for now. It was 12 years of hell to get here, several years in recovery for me and one full year in recovery for my wife, but here we are.
Good luck. Remember, your sister is an adult and must take care of herself. It must be clear by now that neither you nor your parents can, and maybe if you stop trying and let her fully experience all of her consequences she'll find recovery. Many people do, some worse off than your sister.
You will be busy taking care of you and your precious baby who cannot.
Take care,
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by SusanTheSister 
My little sister (who is almost 40) has been dangerously drinking for most of her life. She's been pretty lucky (though she wouldn't always agree) because she's not dead and she's not out of work and she's not had her condo foreclosed (yet).
She's struggled with massive depression, a lot of rage, weight issues (failed lap-band, failure to keep up with gyms she joins, etc), and what I believe is ADHD and/or bi-polar disorder. Her new therapist, whom she likes, says they can't properly start working on medicating her until she is sober.
She finally came clean that she's over $20K in debt and they are coming for her place. She just started an outpatient program and is frantically working on fixing up her place to rent a room. But that's kind of a pipe-dream - the court case is in a few weeks - she won't raise the money in time. She admittedly has a hard time asking for (and receiving) help - so this is extraordinarily hard for her. I'm proud she is trying though.
My Parents don't know she's this bad, they are in big time denial - and we've both done a good job of hiding most of this from them. My mom is NPD - and I'm very scared of how she is going to react - and if it will send my sister over the edge (a call from Wells Fargo got her drinking 4 days into the program. . .and they didn't know her 'hot buttons' like my mom does). That said, they are her only hope for a loan or legal advice that we can figure out.
I have been working on detachment. I'm almost 7 months pregnant with a toddler and a husband out of town. . .I'm worried about EVERYTHING and also trying to not worry (but it catches you by surprise. . . ).
I keep reminding myself "I'm not in trouble. I have not done anything wrong. I am OK." But the anxiety is there.
I'm hoping my parents help with a loan (not a gift). I'm hoping she stays in the program. I'm hoping she can find the right balance of meds to allow her a normal life.
Alanon is hard to get to - with my 2yr old and full-time job - so I'm sharing my story here. Thank you for listening.
She's struggled with massive depression, a lot of rage, weight issues (failed lap-band, failure to keep up with gyms she joins, etc), and what I believe is ADHD and/or bi-polar disorder. Her new therapist, whom she likes, says they can't properly start working on medicating her until she is sober.
She finally came clean that she's over $20K in debt and they are coming for her place. She just started an outpatient program and is frantically working on fixing up her place to rent a room. But that's kind of a pipe-dream - the court case is in a few weeks - she won't raise the money in time. She admittedly has a hard time asking for (and receiving) help - so this is extraordinarily hard for her. I'm proud she is trying though.
My Parents don't know she's this bad, they are in big time denial - and we've both done a good job of hiding most of this from them. My mom is NPD - and I'm very scared of how she is going to react - and if it will send my sister over the edge (a call from Wells Fargo got her drinking 4 days into the program. . .and they didn't know her 'hot buttons' like my mom does). That said, they are her only hope for a loan or legal advice that we can figure out.
I have been working on detachment. I'm almost 7 months pregnant with a toddler and a husband out of town. . .I'm worried about EVERYTHING and also trying to not worry (but it catches you by surprise. . . ).
I keep reminding myself "I'm not in trouble. I have not done anything wrong. I am OK." But the anxiety is there.
I'm hoping my parents help with a loan (not a gift). I'm hoping she stays in the program. I'm hoping she can find the right balance of meds to allow her a normal life.
Alanon is hard to get to - with my 2yr old and full-time job - so I'm sharing my story here. Thank you for listening.
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