celticlady

I found this site 3 times before I joined. So I am pretty sure this is where I am supposed to be. I was recently attacked physically by my AD and fled my home for another state. We later found out that the attack was a deflection because she was stealing my new bottle of pain meds. I suffer from Lupus and was in a coma in November so it didn't take much to over power me. I have been surfing the other forums and have come to the conclusion that I fit the co-dependent personality to a t. We had told her she had to move out. She has since talked her dad into moving back in, he is a long haul trucker and not home often. She says she has been clean 1 week but she is still drinking. I am afraid to go back home, it has caused a huge rift in my marriage of 25 years. I don't know what to do the violence scares me.

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR.....you've found a wonderful forum. I hope you find comfort here. I do.

You are taking care of you! That's wonderful! So many times a newcomer finds SR and they are stuck in a sticky situation and are unable to figure out how to extract themselves. You're already taking care of yourself and setting boundaries.

You don't mention how old your daughter is...whether she is a minor or adult. This doesn't necessarily matter regarding taking care of yourself but it may have an impact on the responses you get. If she is a minor, you have a measure of control over what to do about her behavior. If she is an adult, you have no control over her but you do (or should) have control over whether or not she lives with you.

You don't have to make a decision today to do anything other than what you are doing right now. Take your time and use it to learn all you can about addiction and codependency. This can be a great time for you to get yourself calm and in a good place mentally, physically and spiritually.

Breathe. Take a look around and know that you are not alone. There are many of us here and in the rooms of Alanon and Naranon who understand the chaos that addiction causes in our lives and our relationships with others.

gentle hugs
ke

kmangel

It is especially difficult when a married couple are not on the same page--particularly with something like drug abuse. I can relate. When my husband and I recently discovered our son was an addict and wanted to come home (after rehab), I immediately got a counselor to help my husband and me through troubled waters. We went through another time in our son's life where he was abusing drugs as a teenager (he's 27 now) and I remembered how dis-functional our relationship with each other was then. I didn't want a repeat of the past.

Our son is home with us now and also seeing our counselor. So far so good. Even so, counseling is something that I want to continue for some time. My son didn't get to where he wound up (an addict) overnight. Recovery is a lifetime commitment for him. His father and I also need ongoing help to help us face whatever the future holds for us.

Can you stay where you are? Until your daughter gets some time in recovery and you are assured she is working towards getting and staying clean and sober, I wouldn't want to live in the same home as she either. Your health and well being is important.

Freedom1990

Welcome to SR!

I am very concerned about the level of violence that your AD has demonstrated towards you. I would be afraid to go home too, especially since she is still drinking.

I would recommend calling the nearest domestic violence center and asking to talk to a counselor about the situation.

Violence is NEVER okay, even if it's your daughter!

Please take good care of yourself, especially with lupus, hon.

Keep posting and know that we care!

Impurrfect

((CelticLady))) - welcome to SR, though sorry for what brought you here.

I agree with the above..taking care of YOU is most important and abuse (physical, verbal, emotional) is NOT okay.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy