Day 13
Holding Strong...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 48
Day 13
Hi all...I'm Jen and new to SR. I've been on and off of this site for the past 13 days and finally got up the nerve to register and post something. Sorry in advance that it is so long!!!
I'm kind of superstitious so I dreaded today, thinking maybe I would give into my cravings - I didn't!!! I'm also new to sobriety in general - only 13 days in and it actually took me until day 3 to admit out loud, to someone else, that I'm an alcoholic (I've learned to hide it from people close to me really, really well and not one person that I talk to regularly knew that I had a problem. My mom mentioned it to me in the past but I think she figured it was a phase and hasn't said anything about it since). I've known it myself for years, though...every time I'd sit at home and drink alone, every time I walked into a store to buy beer, every time I've sat at my desk at work and thought about drinking when I got home or hoping a friend was free so we could 'go out for a few', being hungover more days than not, sitting with my head on the toilet (which sober, is one of the grossest things I could ever think of to do,
wondering why I drank so much and trying not to throw up or pass out), every time I'd hide the beer bottles beneath the ads and boxes in my recycling bin so people wouldn't see them and they wouldn't make as much noise when the guy poured them into the truck, every time I'd stumble or fall or walk into something because my balance was off and I couldn't walk or talk straight, forgetting parts of (or entire) important conversations, feeling like I've missed out on huge chunks of time over the past decade +, etc etc. All of those times and every single day, I knew.
After a really "fun", no drama Friday night drinking with a girl friend, I went to bed knowing that I had to quit drinking - and thankfully, it was the first thought that popped into my head when I woke up extremely hungover the next morning (7/9/11). I don't know what it was that finally got through to me, but it was like a switch flipped in my head and I just kind of said, "I'm done". My friend's mom died earlier this year from organ failure due to drinking, so maybe I'm finally just scared sober?? Regardless, God willing, I will never drink again.
I'm scared to death of this disease and wondering what life will be like from here on out??
I had my first drink when I was 13 and am 30 now. I have been drinking nearly daily for the past 8 or 9 years - I think, though I have a feeling it's been even longer, so I don't know what to do with my free time, how to re-engage with the world, and what to expect when I try to do things that don't involve alcohol? And how do I stop obsessing over the thought of alcohol (when I actually imagine taking a drink, the thought makes me a little nauseous but I can't shut my brain off and stop thinking about drinking; does that make sense??). Sorry to ramble on so long, but any tips for overcoming the obsessive thinking and boredom would be greatly appreciated! I'm really anxious most of the time and having a hard time concentrating when watching TV, movies, reading, etc. and haven't quite gotten into exercising yet (though my appetite is really fierce for the first time in a long time so I'm thinking I should get on that pretty quickly, lol!!!). Sorry again for the rambling, but I'm so grateful to have found SR and am so inspired by all of your stories! Thanks for listening/reading and for SR!
I'm kind of superstitious so I dreaded today, thinking maybe I would give into my cravings - I didn't!!! I'm also new to sobriety in general - only 13 days in and it actually took me until day 3 to admit out loud, to someone else, that I'm an alcoholic (I've learned to hide it from people close to me really, really well and not one person that I talk to regularly knew that I had a problem. My mom mentioned it to me in the past but I think she figured it was a phase and hasn't said anything about it since). I've known it myself for years, though...every time I'd sit at home and drink alone, every time I walked into a store to buy beer, every time I've sat at my desk at work and thought about drinking when I got home or hoping a friend was free so we could 'go out for a few', being hungover more days than not, sitting with my head on the toilet (which sober, is one of the grossest things I could ever think of to do,
wondering why I drank so much and trying not to throw up or pass out), every time I'd hide the beer bottles beneath the ads and boxes in my recycling bin so people wouldn't see them and they wouldn't make as much noise when the guy poured them into the truck, every time I'd stumble or fall or walk into something because my balance was off and I couldn't walk or talk straight, forgetting parts of (or entire) important conversations, feeling like I've missed out on huge chunks of time over the past decade +, etc etc. All of those times and every single day, I knew. After a really "fun", no drama Friday night drinking with a girl friend, I went to bed knowing that I had to quit drinking - and thankfully, it was the first thought that popped into my head when I woke up extremely hungover the next morning (7/9/11). I don't know what it was that finally got through to me, but it was like a switch flipped in my head and I just kind of said, "I'm done". My friend's mom died earlier this year from organ failure due to drinking, so maybe I'm finally just scared sober?? Regardless, God willing, I will never drink again.
I'm scared to death of this disease and wondering what life will be like from here on out??
I had my first drink when I was 13 and am 30 now. I have been drinking nearly daily for the past 8 or 9 years - I think, though I have a feeling it's been even longer, so I don't know what to do with my free time, how to re-engage with the world, and what to expect when I try to do things that don't involve alcohol? And how do I stop obsessing over the thought of alcohol (when I actually imagine taking a drink, the thought makes me a little nauseous but I can't shut my brain off and stop thinking about drinking; does that make sense??). Sorry to ramble on so long, but any tips for overcoming the obsessive thinking and boredom would be greatly appreciated! I'm really anxious most of the time and having a hard time concentrating when watching TV, movies, reading, etc. and haven't quite gotten into exercising yet (though my appetite is really fierce for the first time in a long time so I'm thinking I should get on that pretty quickly, lol!!!). Sorry again for the rambling, but I'm so grateful to have found SR and am so inspired by all of your stories! Thanks for listening/reading and for SR!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Welcome to SR, Jen... from one Jen to another 
Glad you quit lurking and decided to post!
I can relate to your story. I'm 34 and just decided enough was enough. Decided to quit 23 days ago and I've been reading & posting on this site daily ever since.
Nice to have you here...
Glad you quit lurking and decided to post! I can relate to your story. I'm 34 and just decided enough was enough. Decided to quit 23 days ago and I've been reading & posting on this site daily ever since.
Nice to have you here...
On my way....
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 326
Welcome to SR.....tons of support here! Sounds like we have a lot in common! I'm also 30 and have been drinking nearly daily for the past decade, and I've also known for most of that time I had a problem, I just didn't want or wasn't ready to do anything about it. I also hide it very well, I'm guessing, since most people were surprised when I mentioned quitting alcohol because of my problems with it. The important thing is, if you think you have a problem, you more than likely do. It's not always how you act outwardly, sometimes it's how you feel inside that makes you realize you have a problem.
If you need someone to talk to shoot me a PM. An early congrats on two weeks tomorrow!
If you need someone to talk to shoot me a PM. An early congrats on two weeks tomorrow!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: in this vessel
Posts: 304
That is just inspiring. So awesome! I can totally hear it your tone that you are serious. I think its important to connect with others who can mirror your good qualities. Get to know the amazing sober you!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: in this vessel
Posts: 304
[ It's not always how you act outwardly, sometimes it's how you feel inside that makes you realize you have a problem.
So true! that's what did it for me. I would mention to friends that I felt like I had a problem and no one would take me seriously. No one could see my problem. But I woke up daily just hating myself and think that I just have to stop...
So true! that's what did it for me. I would mention to friends that I felt like I had a problem and no one would take me seriously. No one could see my problem. But I woke up daily just hating myself and think that I just have to stop...
Holding Strong...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 48
Thanks for all of the support! I'm so glad to be here and to realize I'm not in this alone! It's amazing to read all of the stories - especially when I realize how similar they are to my own. I never imagined that anyone else could feel the way that I do.
Holding Strong...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by Rachel1980 
The important thing is, if you think you have a problem, you more than likely do. It's not always how you act outwardly, sometimes it's how you feel inside that makes you realize you have a problem.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome jen - I thought I'd never get over the obsession to drink but slowly and surely it really does fade over time. It's like breaking up with someone - it feels so lonely and painful at first, but you gradually learn to get on with your life.
The rewards of sobriety are so great, though. I spent hour after hour here when I couldn't get drinking off my mind. I needed the inspiration that said "you can do this, it gets better, keep going!" So, I'll say to you: You can do this! It gets better! Keep going!
The rewards of sobriety are so great, though. I spent hour after hour here when I couldn't get drinking off my mind. I needed the inspiration that said "you can do this, it gets better, keep going!" So, I'll say to you: You can do this! It gets better! Keep going!
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