Emmanem

Hi everyone.

I came across this forum today while doing some research on help available for quitting drinking during pregnancy. Those of you who have been members a while may remember a thread from a while back started by a young woman who was pregnant and an alcoholic - that very thread is what has convinced me to join. I really need help, and this is going to be hard for me because I know that some of you will judge and perhaps be a bit harsh, but maybe that's what I need to hear - the truth often hurts.

Anyways, here's my story....

I am currently 15 weeks pregnant with my second child. So far everything seems normal - the first ultrasound was fine, baby is growing well, moving and has a good strong heartbeat - but I have been drinking my entire pregnancy so far - a lot - and I'm terrified that I've harmed my baby and will continue to unless I stop immediately.

I have been quite a heavy drinker since my teens (bear in mind I live in Britain where you become legal when you turn 18), and I managed only to have a couple of drinks a week quite easily during my first pregnancy and my son who is now 8 turned out great - we were lucky. I consider myself to be a good parent - my son wants for nothing, gets a good education and is a really well-behaved child and I obviously want the same for my second child when s/he comes along. I think I really started drinking dangerously heavily after my son was born. I was suffering terrible PND and even attempted suicide a couple of times. I had broken up with the father of the baby and I was just a mess. I was lonely a lot of the time, and when I did see people I drank socially, however I would drink when I was alone in the house too, usually after I knew my son was asleep for the night and if I was going out drinking, I was very lucky to have my family to take him maybe once a week so I could have a break.

That's over 8 years then, that I have been drinking almost every night - my usual poison is a 2L bottle of cider and if I'm going out I will drink at home before I leave - when you look at it like that, it's a crazy long time to have been drinking such an amount and the strange thing is that because I have managed to hold life together (flat, job, lovely, bright, happy child) I've never considered myself to be an alcoholic at all - I've just been someone who drinks far too much because I can. But I must be at least bordering on alcoholism - everything I've just said sounded just like something an addict would say. It's also really alarming that I'm having such trouble putting down the bottle for the sake of my new baby - if I can't stop drinking for such a reason, then I really must be sick. I have cut down fair bit since finding out about the pregnancy, but I know that's not good enough - I need to completely stop and stay sober for the remainder of my pregnancy, and possibly for the rest of my life if I'm being realistic, because all it takes is one drink to make you fall completely off the wagon.

I'd really like to know if anyone else has been in this situation, and what they did about it. At the moment, I'm a bit scared to go to AA, but it's not something I'm ruling out. What are your thoughts?

Thanks

Jabbadabutt

I have never been pregnant. I have never been to AA. I am not a doctor.

STOP DRINKING ANYTHING ALCOHOLIC FOR THE NEXT 20 PLUS WEEKS (if you do just one thing, do that).

Emmanem

Thanks for your reply.

Yes, that's my plan, but other than utilising willpower (which I'm not sure is enough considering I'm an alcoholic) I'm looking for ways to help me do this. I am seeing my midwife on Tuesday, so I will seek advice from her on what help is available, but I also wanted to know what others who may have been in my position did to help themselves.

NewLife221

if nothing else, you need to look at the fact that you have a very strong possibility of your baby being taken from you if they find that you have all that alcohol running thru your veins in the blood work they take... (where i am from at least, cause in actuallity, you are putting a unborn baby in harm)

if that wont make you stop, good luck in life. might sound harsh, but i DO NOT take things like this lightly!!!!! QUIT HARMING YOUR UNBORN HELPLESS CHILD!!!!

(if i was part of your family, i would turn your ass in, in a heart beat)

..

sobermax

Hello Emmanem.

I am newly sober, and can't really advise re drinking through your pregnancy.

All I know is that male,female, rich poor, outwardly successful or on the street - if you're an addict, it'll probably get you unless you take firm steps to stop and STAY STOPPED.

SR is an amazing place. Keep posting. Some people with proper sober time will advise much better than me.

Much love to you.

SM.X

Emmanem

It is not something I am taking lightly either - I appreciate your comments. I mean, they may be considered harsh, but then as I said earlier I think maybe harsh is what I need to hear and to be honest, I'm a horrible person - what did I expect folk to say? I want to quit harming my unborn baby and myself I and I want to be a better person and I am seeking help to do that which as I see it is the first step. It's early days but I'm very serious about wanting to change.

What's your story if you don't mind me asking - how have you gotten to where you are?

Emmanem

I've just discovered the "Quote" function - d'oh! I will get used to this - it's only my first day.

Thank you for your reply, and I agree - obviously I need to stop but I think it is going to be a matter of staying stopped for good - it's the only way.

How did you do it? Did you attend AA meetings or anything?

NewLife221

i am very glad you understand where i am coming from. i dont know you so i couldnt comment on you being a horrible person(except your drinking while pregnant) , we all make mistakes, this is just a huge one that i do not ever like to hear. i am sorry for being so blunt in my first post, i dont want to make someone feel even worse while they are seeking guidance, but maybe just maybe you might take it more seriously now, maybe not.... i pray you do though, and i pray for the unborn fetus in you... good luck, this is a good first step for you. i would get some other help though other than on the internet. make sure that baby is ok, any and all test that could be done.......... PLEASE!!!!

Jabbadabutt

I decided AA was not for me - but I feel I replaced that (kind of) with SR and seeing (in person) an addiction counselor once a week. I recommend that to anyone who asks -- and if you do, do not be afraid to try a few people till you find someone you are comfortable with, and oh yeah....be horribly honest - i think you can do that based on your post.

NewLife221

sorry did not see this in my frustration..

My story is completely different. does not stem from alcohol personally (tho alcoholism runs in my family) , i am addicted to marijuana. have been over the past 16 yrs or so. so i am not perfect, FAR from it and im not usually one to judge, it is just the situation you brought to the table (and the fact that you know what you are doing to that helpless child) . i have seen many babies born addicted to crack cocaine, heroin, ect coming from where i grew up and believe me it rips a hole in your heart when you see something like that in person (and yes i know the drugs i listed are far different from alcohol, but it still harms a unborn child, i was using them as a example cause i have seen those first hand). just please get things in order and get as much help as you possibly can, not only for you, but for your son and that unborn child.

God Bless, from the bottom of my heart!

rae123

i am new here also, but wanted to say hello

i was very lucky that when i was pregnant with my children (6 years ago) i didn't have the problem then, like i do now.

i just want to wish you well & to please seek help for the sake of the baby. you sound like you really want to get help & i think that is a great first step.

Emmanem

Yes, the drinking while pregnant was what I meant by "horrible person", although I'm sure I'm far from perfect in other ways too. :P

Joking aside, of course I understand where you're coming from, and I think if I wasn't ready to hear cross words from people then I would be fooling myself about how much I want to do this. I accept everything you have said and again, thank you for your replies - it all helps.

As I say, I'm seeing my midwife on Tuesday and will ask what help is available to me in the way of counselling and such, but I do intend to keep visiting here as well to kind of complement that. The doctors, counsellors etc can't be there all the time, but the internet is.

Emmanem

Thank you - I will be taking all the methods suggested to me into consideration, but as I'm just getting started I'm not sure what will be best for me - I'll just have to try everything until I find what works.

Emmanem

Thank you - I do want to get help. It's not going to be easy I know but nothing worth doing ever is.

newwings

Emmanem, welcome to SR. You are so brave for posting and knowing you were going to get harsh words. I'm not going to do that to you because you know you have an issue and it's going to take strength to get the the help you need to do it. You know you can't ignore this any more.

I'm glad you are going to talk to the midwife about it on Tuesday, but I have a suggestion. Is there any way you can get an emergency appointment and talk to a doctor before then? I ask, because I think the doctor will look at YOU and what YOU need for this. I think the midwife would probably refer you back to the doctor, who has more power to get this tackled quicker rather than dealing with paper shuffling,etc. Ideally they should be working together to ensure you BOTH stay healthy.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is on the rise, and it's tragic, and very real. You can do something about this right now, if you get the help you need. Don't delay. I wish you a healthy, sober and happy pregnancy.

Hugs.

sobermax

Hello again Emmanem,

I doubt that anyone is remotely 'cross' with you, or that you are a horrible person.

Although I've certainly felt like a war-criminal after doing stupid things, I'm actually a nice bloke - so long as I stay sober.

If I drink, NOTHING else matters - my loved ones, job, self-respect . . . and on and on.

Reading and posting here is maybe the very best thing you could do, other than putting down the glass.

SM.X

SSIL75

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. It is heartbreaking for all involved. The awful risks to your beautiful baby, the terrible lies you must be telling yourself (let me guess - "they drink in France! what's one more night!").

I can relate a tiny bit. I drank I guess as much as more 'liberal' doctors advise during my first 2 pregnancies but the real alcoholic hallmark was my obsession with it. If I had a day where i'd allow myself a drink coming up I'd literally be sleepless with excitement. After each birth my drinking skyrocketed until I finally hit a wall a year ago. I then had my 3rd (fully sober) pregnancy and now am a sober mother to a newborn for the first time. It's breathtaking in it's simplicity and joy and I could cry when I think of what I missed with my other 2. I, too thought I was a good mother when I was an active alcoholic but now I believe that's just impossible.

I sense you're not quite there as far as acceptance and that is worrying.

As far as you might be 'bordering' on alcoholism. You're right - that's exactly what addicts say. The alcoholic in you will spew out all kinds of BS to get its next drink. The trick for me was learning to recognize that 'voice' and ignore it. That's the basic principal behind Rational Recovery's AVRT (you can google).

I know this is very painful but sticking your head back in a bottle just prolongs the pain, trust me.

I wish you and your family the best.

Emmanem

Yes, I don't know if I'm quite there acceptance-wise either but I hope that will come with time now that I've decided to seek help?

Dee74

Hi Emmanem

I'm glad you're seeing the midwife about this, but if she's any good she'll probably refer you to the Dr anyway I suspect, so I hope one way or another you'll talk to a professional about this

Here's some UK for help resources (including NHS stuff, AA and some alternatives like SMART) they may help give you an idea of whats out there (it's down the bottom of the first post in the thread....)

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I'm glad you're here and wanting to deal with this

D

Emmanem

Thanks so much everyone.

With regard to seeing a Dr, I will keep my appointment with the midwife on Tuesday and if she refers me to the Dr then I will go. The situation with GPs here is different to that of America and many other places and I am unlikely to get an emergency appointment for tomorrow, then they will closed over the weekend so I'm as well waiting until Tuesday since I see my midwife at the same medical practise as my doctor. I also want to try and make it through tomorrow, the weekend and Monday cold turkey and see if I can do it. I have gotten through today without a drink at all, and although I've got money sitting and several shops literally 5 mins walk away that sell booze and I have *thought* about going to buy myself some, I have not done it. I'm not going to lie and say I haven't missed it and I know this is only the beginning but I've found today quite easy really - I've missed it, but not really needed it if you know what I mean. I hope that if I keep myself very busy over the next few days, find something to other than drink and exercise some willpower then I will be able to continue the run. Here's hoping.