Alcoholic Mother in ICU
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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Alcoholic Mother in ICU
Hi Everyone. This is my first post here, though I have popped in and read through posts periodically over the years. I don't know how to summarize my story, but I'll do my best.
Here goes. My mother is 53 years old is a lifelong alcoholic and currently strapped to a hospital bed in ICU in a bad state. This past weekend she drove several hours to an old friends house who was supposed to try to talk her into checking into a program. However, somehow the two of them decided to try to "dry her out" at home and by the 2nd day my mother ended up seizuring at her friend's home and taken to the hospital via ambulance. She has been there since Saturday without showing any signs of improvement. When she initially was admitted she was not coherent and had severely deficient magnesium levels. We were told this was common with alcoholics and at first not to worry.
5 days later and she still is "confused" with brief periods of responding to her name but other times not knowing who she is or how many children she has. She told the nurse she had 8 kids. She did squeeze the nurses hand today when she asked her to, but otherwise was very confused the entire day. I thought by now her mental state would be restored (well, what was left of it - it was slowly deterioriating) and worry if it ever will be. Yesterday they told us that her liver enzymes are very high, ammonia test came back okay but ultrasound shows at the very least fatty liver and possibly further damage. Today they found fluid in her lungs and may be putting her on a respirator. I am told she is very swollen and very difficult to look at because of how bad she looks (I live 1200 miles away and our relationship has been quite a rollercoaster over the years due to her alcoholism, so I am not there at the hospital currently).
She has become quite a master manipulator and started badmouthing my dad (even accusing him of abuse which is NOT happening) and us children the past few years in an effort to save face, make excuses for her drinking or deny it all together. Nearly everything she says anymore is a lie...REAL made up, long winded in depth lies. Quite an imagination my mother has. Anyway, my family is in turmoil and split between those still in denial (despite my YEARS of calls, letters, talking, yelling, begging and pleading with them to believe us about how serious her problem was) and those of us that had already cut her out of our lives because of how unhealthy she is for us. My father and I are left calling dr's, nurses, insurance, case managers, rehabs, etc. all day long (and he's still taking care of their two teenagers at home and the only one working since my mother lost her job again for drinking about 5 weeks ago) checking on her, trying to figure out her care plan, inquiring about the possiblity of transferring her to a hospital near their home (she is still out by her friends house), etc. There is more, but that is the jist of it for now.
Anyway, I am left somewhere in between trying to have organize care and have compassion for a woman that has never been a good mother, missed the birth of her grandson, wasn't at my wedding and I have not spoken even a word to in nearly 1 1/2 years. I teeter between feeling sorry for her, being pissed off and honestly just being so tired of it - not giving a $hit.
Just wondering if any of you have words of wisdom or advice. I am mentally and physically exhausted and having a little guilt over the fact that I still haven't shed a tear since this all started.
Here goes. My mother is 53 years old is a lifelong alcoholic and currently strapped to a hospital bed in ICU in a bad state. This past weekend she drove several hours to an old friends house who was supposed to try to talk her into checking into a program. However, somehow the two of them decided to try to "dry her out" at home and by the 2nd day my mother ended up seizuring at her friend's home and taken to the hospital via ambulance. She has been there since Saturday without showing any signs of improvement. When she initially was admitted she was not coherent and had severely deficient magnesium levels. We were told this was common with alcoholics and at first not to worry.
5 days later and she still is "confused" with brief periods of responding to her name but other times not knowing who she is or how many children she has. She told the nurse she had 8 kids. She did squeeze the nurses hand today when she asked her to, but otherwise was very confused the entire day. I thought by now her mental state would be restored (well, what was left of it - it was slowly deterioriating) and worry if it ever will be. Yesterday they told us that her liver enzymes are very high, ammonia test came back okay but ultrasound shows at the very least fatty liver and possibly further damage. Today they found fluid in her lungs and may be putting her on a respirator. I am told she is very swollen and very difficult to look at because of how bad she looks (I live 1200 miles away and our relationship has been quite a rollercoaster over the years due to her alcoholism, so I am not there at the hospital currently).
She has become quite a master manipulator and started badmouthing my dad (even accusing him of abuse which is NOT happening) and us children the past few years in an effort to save face, make excuses for her drinking or deny it all together. Nearly everything she says anymore is a lie...REAL made up, long winded in depth lies. Quite an imagination my mother has. Anyway, my family is in turmoil and split between those still in denial (despite my YEARS of calls, letters, talking, yelling, begging and pleading with them to believe us about how serious her problem was) and those of us that had already cut her out of our lives because of how unhealthy she is for us. My father and I are left calling dr's, nurses, insurance, case managers, rehabs, etc. all day long (and he's still taking care of their two teenagers at home and the only one working since my mother lost her job again for drinking about 5 weeks ago) checking on her, trying to figure out her care plan, inquiring about the possiblity of transferring her to a hospital near their home (she is still out by her friends house), etc. There is more, but that is the jist of it for now.
Anyway, I am left somewhere in between trying to have organize care and have compassion for a woman that has never been a good mother, missed the birth of her grandson, wasn't at my wedding and I have not spoken even a word to in nearly 1 1/2 years. I teeter between feeling sorry for her, being pissed off and honestly just being so tired of it - not giving a $hit.
Just wondering if any of you have words of wisdom or advice. I am mentally and physically exhausted and having a little guilt over the fact that I still haven't shed a tear since this all started.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
I am really sorry that this is happening to you and your family, and your mom. I know how frustrating and confusing it is, when it is your mom who has ruined her life as well as making a mess of her relationship with her children.
It is a hard thing. You sound like a caring person, and it sounds like you have some deep hurts. You may have a mixture of feelings going on at the same time.
My mom nearly died in the hospital after killing her kidney, with too many pills and booze. We kids were so angry, we could not do the normal things. We distanced ourselves and she had to recover all alone. None of us could influence her, but she did stop. tho she died much younger than she should have.
I hope your mom gets a chance to recover. Just do what you can live with, and know that you cant cure her- she has to want it for herself. Perhaps this will be her bottom, and I hope she survives it.
Stick around here, it is a good place.
I am sorry for this stuff. I know that you have all been through a lot, for a long time. Pretty much all you can do is take care of yourself and your family.
Prayers for you and yours,
chicory
It is a hard thing. You sound like a caring person, and it sounds like you have some deep hurts. You may have a mixture of feelings going on at the same time.
My mom nearly died in the hospital after killing her kidney, with too many pills and booze. We kids were so angry, we could not do the normal things. We distanced ourselves and she had to recover all alone. None of us could influence her, but she did stop. tho she died much younger than she should have.
I hope your mom gets a chance to recover. Just do what you can live with, and know that you cant cure her- she has to want it for herself. Perhaps this will be her bottom, and I hope she survives it.
Stick around here, it is a good place.
I am sorry for this stuff. I know that you have all been through a lot, for a long time. Pretty much all you can do is take care of yourself and your family.
Prayers for you and yours,
chicory
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Location: Atlanta
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(((doublewhammy))) - Welcome to SR, but sorry for what has brought you here. I don't have personal experience with this, but I know several people here do, and you'll find good support, ES&H (experience, strength, and hope).
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Location: NC
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Originally Posted by doublewhammy 
Anyway, I am left somewhere in between trying to have organize care and have compassion for a woman that has never been a good mother, missed the birth of her grandson, wasn't at my wedding and I have not spoken even a word to in nearly 1 1/2 years. I teeter between feeling sorry for her, being pissed off and honestly just being so tired of it - not giving a $hit.
Just wondering if any of you have words of wisdom or advice. I am mentally and physically exhausted and having a little guilt over the fact that I still haven't shed a tear since this all started.
Just wondering if any of you have words of wisdom or advice. I am mentally and physically exhausted and having a little guilt over the fact that I still haven't shed a tear since this all started.
My mom died in 1999 from complications related to her drinking. I remember the weeks through which it unfolded and all the emotions that I went through.
First and foremost, you need to take care of yourself - get enough rest, and eat as well as you can. Second, your feelings are real, but they are not reality. The immediate situation has dredged up years of emotions, so what you will experience is going to be totally unpredictable. You feel what you feel, and it will settle down over time. And you are allowed to feel angry, tired of the sh*t, resentful, the whole gamut... but that doesn't mean you have to act on any of them. Give it time.
I harbored a lot of negative emotions about my mother and her drinking for years after she died. It has only been since I quit drinking myself that I came to a place of acceptance that she was an alcoholic, that none of her behavior had anything to do with me. My mother acted the way she did because of the disease, not as a conscious choice. Yes, she was a total B* and unbelievably cruel when she was drinking, but not deliberately so.
Your mother is extremely sick. All you can do is help your father to the extent you can from where you are. The rest of it will sort itself out over time.
When the dust settles get yourself to an alanon meeting. For now, be gentle with yourself.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
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Please hang in there, you need to do your best to be there for your dad and your sibs still at home.
It's ok to be mad, I have struggled with my moms alcoholism for over 30 years, in the last couple of years she has really started to destroy herself, I want her to do right by my dad but it don't think that will ever happen, I have given up on her ever doing right by me.
You will be in my thoughts, please remember to try and get enough rest and to eat properly, in order to be strong for others you have to take care of yourself.
It's ok to be mad, I have struggled with my moms alcoholism for over 30 years, in the last couple of years she has really started to destroy herself, I want her to do right by my dad but it don't think that will ever happen, I have given up on her ever doing right by me.
You will be in my thoughts, please remember to try and get enough rest and to eat properly, in order to be strong for others you have to take care of yourself.
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Chicory & Eddiebuckle, I am sorry for both of your losses.
To all of you that have responded to me thus far, thank you. I guess right now there is not much more I can do that I am not doing already. I am just trying to be there for my Dad. He is doing well, but I think sometimes I can hear the fear in his voice. You see, he and my mom both have had their troubles with alcohol, but he quit years ago on his own and had been trying to get her to do the same. He is grateful everyday for taking control of his life again but the sad part is that he has had to watch her wither away during his time of health and sobriety. It's very sad. Needless to say, I think he has more sadness and less anger towards her, as he feels a sense of loyalty towards her that most people wouldn't at this point, because he used to drink, too.
Myself, I harbor a LOT of anger and resentment. Most days I just try not to think about my mother, as she is no longer part of my life really. However, this situation has in essence brought her back into my life again and compounded by the fact that she is very sick and I'm trying help my dad get by, it's a little overwhelming. I am getting enough sleep and eating well and will be sure not to forget to take care of myself and my family during this process.
Thanks again.
To all of you that have responded to me thus far, thank you. I guess right now there is not much more I can do that I am not doing already. I am just trying to be there for my Dad. He is doing well, but I think sometimes I can hear the fear in his voice. You see, he and my mom both have had their troubles with alcohol, but he quit years ago on his own and had been trying to get her to do the same. He is grateful everyday for taking control of his life again but the sad part is that he has had to watch her wither away during his time of health and sobriety. It's very sad. Needless to say, I think he has more sadness and less anger towards her, as he feels a sense of loyalty towards her that most people wouldn't at this point, because he used to drink, too.
Myself, I harbor a LOT of anger and resentment. Most days I just try not to think about my mother, as she is no longer part of my life really. However, this situation has in essence brought her back into my life again and compounded by the fact that she is very sick and I'm trying help my dad get by, it's a little overwhelming. I am getting enough sleep and eating well and will be sure not to forget to take care of myself and my family during this process.
Thanks again.
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Dear DoubleWhammy,
I'm sorry to hear about your mother and for the difficulties that you are going through.
My alcoholic father passed away last August. For most of my life he was an embarrassment to me. My parents divorced thirty years ago and he was never a true father. I paid for college, my wedding, and my therapy :-)
When he became ill around three years ago, I was so angry when I was asked to help find him a safer place to live. Luckily, I had already started going to ACA meetings and I was participating in a forum similar to this. Sharing my angry and frustration helped me so much. Near the end of his life, I actually got to a place were I was glad that I was able to care for him even though he was never able to properly care for his own children. To me it was a positive step in my own recovery. It was a positive step in the history of my family of origin.
Sharing, journaling, taking care of myself, and only doing what I felt capable of doing was key to getting through this tough period of my life. I was also very honest with health care providers about my father's alcoholism and the dynamics of my dysfunctional family. That was freeing, I finally felt like I no longer had to keep the "secret".
Hugs,
db
I'm sorry to hear about your mother and for the difficulties that you are going through.
My alcoholic father passed away last August. For most of my life he was an embarrassment to me. My parents divorced thirty years ago and he was never a true father. I paid for college, my wedding, and my therapy :-)
When he became ill around three years ago, I was so angry when I was asked to help find him a safer place to live. Luckily, I had already started going to ACA meetings and I was participating in a forum similar to this. Sharing my angry and frustration helped me so much. Near the end of his life, I actually got to a place were I was glad that I was able to care for him even though he was never able to properly care for his own children. To me it was a positive step in my own recovery. It was a positive step in the history of my family of origin.
Sharing, journaling, taking care of myself, and only doing what I felt capable of doing was key to getting through this tough period of my life. I was also very honest with health care providers about my father's alcoholism and the dynamics of my dysfunctional family. That was freeing, I finally felt like I no longer had to keep the "secret".
Hugs,
db
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dbh, I am sorry for the loss of your father.
Much of what you wrote was eerily familiar to me. I know exactly what you mean by not keeping the secret anymore. I let go of that years ago and it made a world of difference.
So far, my mother is still in ICU. Surprisingly, her physical status is improving, her liver enzymes are coming back up, her breathing is back to normal. It was actually a result of her aspirating during a seizure and winding up with pneumonia. At this point they are more concerned with her mental status. Yesterday, she was sitting up and drinking. BUT, they keep saying she is still "confused". I am just hoping this is something that is going to reverse....she was already causing such trouble for my family with her mental status before, we blamed the alcohol in the moment...like oh...she is just drunk, but perhaps her brain function has really been impaired long than we thought. This is not going to be an easy ride....
Much of what you wrote was eerily familiar to me. I know exactly what you mean by not keeping the secret anymore. I let go of that years ago and it made a world of difference.
So far, my mother is still in ICU. Surprisingly, her physical status is improving, her liver enzymes are coming back up, her breathing is back to normal. It was actually a result of her aspirating during a seizure and winding up with pneumonia. At this point they are more concerned with her mental status. Yesterday, she was sitting up and drinking. BUT, they keep saying she is still "confused". I am just hoping this is something that is going to reverse....she was already causing such trouble for my family with her mental status before, we blamed the alcohol in the moment...like oh...she is just drunk, but perhaps her brain function has really been impaired long than we thought. This is not going to be an easy ride....
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They need to keep her in and put her through rehab do not let her out until she has done that.
Poor dad it makes me realize about my own alcohol issue and the fact I have no children because I knew I was not responsible enough to take care of someone else when I was so care free myself...I am no where near to this stage thank God and hope it is not too late for me to have a Family of my own but I will never put CHILD OF MINE THROUGH THAT...
God bless you and keep well xoxo
Poor dad it makes me realize about my own alcohol issue and the fact I have no children because I knew I was not responsible enough to take care of someone else when I was so care free myself...I am no where near to this stage thank God and hope it is not too late for me to have a Family of my own but I will never put CHILD OF MINE THROUGH THAT...
God bless you and keep well xoxo
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I have been on the phone with everyone there for days! Case managers, etc. you name it, I have pleaded with them and they all say unless the psych dr. finds her completely incapable of making her own decisions they will not be able to force her to go. My dad and I are going to try to talk to this dr. now and tell him about all the things she was doing before making her way into the hospital. A few weeks ago she was begging my 17 year old brother to put a pillow over her face and suffocate her. She is really a sick woman, but whenever I tell our family about this stuff, she puts on a straight face and somehow manipulates them into thinking she is fine and everyone else in the world is out to get her.
If they don't force her into a program my Dad really needs to put his foot down and tell her she can't come home. I am afraid I will have to walk away from him, too if he doesn't. I can not continue to hear the things she is doing and knowing my brothers are subjected to it if nothing will be done about it.
Lynzi, Thank you for making the choice not to have children until/if you are ready!
If they don't force her into a program my Dad really needs to put his foot down and tell her she can't come home. I am afraid I will have to walk away from him, too if he doesn't. I can not continue to hear the things she is doing and knowing my brothers are subjected to it if nothing will be done about it.
Lynzi, Thank you for making the choice not to have children until/if you are ready!
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Originally Posted by doublewhammy
She is really a sick woman, but whenever I tell our family about this stuff, she puts on a straight face and somehow manipulates them into thinking she is fine and everyone else in the world is out to get her.... If they don't force her into a program my Dad really needs to put his foot down and tell her she can't come home.
This will go on and on. The patient will continue to play Stump the Experts, until and unless they decide that they've had enough of being sick all the time and want to get sober and healthy. You can't force them to go to treatment -- you may be able to force a short-term psychiatric confinement if they're clearly a danger (in Mass., where I grew up, you could get someone committed for 72 hours with a doctor's signature), but that wouldn't be much help.
Having said that, you can try an intervention -- that's what I did, and it got my "qualifier" to go to treatment, stay for several months, and get sober and healthy again; that was 15 years ago. But she said afterwards that she wanted to get healthy, but that it was too scary to do on her own....
T
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We've tried at various times to do intervention but it didn't work and half the family doesn't even care to try anymore. Then her sisters tried -- they had it all planned out, she was supposed to go up and visit them for a great sisters weekend (or so she thought) and she was too drunk to get on the plane. Wound up falling and hitting her head in the airport bathroom. A stranger reported her being on the floor in the airport bathroom. Security held her saying she was too intoxicated to fly. My dad had to pick her up from security and she never made it to that planned intervention. (Still this was not enough for them to realize how bad she is, either...these people are all in denial!)
We know that we can't force her to stay clean, but she can not afford treatment on her own and my grandparents are willing to pay for it now. This might be her only shot at it and if she turns it down, she's going to die. All the doctors know she's an alcoholic, even her family practice dr. -- I CALLED him, told his nurse - I told her I knew they couldn't say anything but I just wanted them to know. What they did with it, they did with it. I know it was acknowledged between them at some point because she has a prescription from back in December that was labeled to take as needed for withdrawal symptoms... In any case, they all know at this point her illnesses are from alcohol but still she manages to persuade the universe that everyone is out to get her and she is the victim.
If they don't force her, or she doesn't accept on her own I think she is on her own at this point. My Dad keeps saying he won't have her back in the house unless she goes, but because this has gone on so long I won't believe it until I see it. If he doesn't set the boundries this time I can no longer be part of this fiasco. It's just becoming too much even in just this past week.
And, now my sister just reported back to my dad that today she looks much worse than yesterday, pulled out her catheter and hanging off the bed, her nurse said they were calling up psych for eval and meds. Who knows what is going to happen. Every other day she looks okay, she's getting worse, better, worse, etc.
We know that we can't force her to stay clean, but she can not afford treatment on her own and my grandparents are willing to pay for it now. This might be her only shot at it and if she turns it down, she's going to die. All the doctors know she's an alcoholic, even her family practice dr. -- I CALLED him, told his nurse - I told her I knew they couldn't say anything but I just wanted them to know. What they did with it, they did with it. I know it was acknowledged between them at some point because she has a prescription from back in December that was labeled to take as needed for withdrawal symptoms... In any case, they all know at this point her illnesses are from alcohol but still she manages to persuade the universe that everyone is out to get her and she is the victim.
If they don't force her, or she doesn't accept on her own I think she is on her own at this point. My Dad keeps saying he won't have her back in the house unless she goes, but because this has gone on so long I won't believe it until I see it. If he doesn't set the boundries this time I can no longer be part of this fiasco. It's just becoming too much even in just this past week.
And, now my sister just reported back to my dad that today she looks much worse than yesterday, pulled out her catheter and hanging off the bed, her nurse said they were calling up psych for eval and meds. Who knows what is going to happen. Every other day she looks okay, she's getting worse, better, worse, etc.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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sorry to hear you are going through so much. I'm scared the day will come when my dad is in the hospital with the same conditions.
It's really tough the laws won't force them into rehab. Not sure what state you are in, but I've been reading the laws for forcing them in and some states are more flexible than others with having alcoholics committed/forced into rehab.
It's really tough the laws won't force them into rehab. Not sure what state you are in, but I've been reading the laws for forcing them in and some states are more flexible than others with having alcoholics committed/forced into rehab.
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Sorry you have had to go through this. My advice is save yourself and let go. Help your Dad and help yourself. That sounds mean but it is the only thing you may be able to do to help your Mom. Appears a little contradictory but it isn't. In all reality you can only truly help and control yourself. You can only help others if they allow you. By letting go and working on yourself you will be that much stronger and able to help her if she ever allows you to. This is something most people can not do alone. If you have not already, I would suggest going to Al-anon. Also private counseling or group counseling could really help you dig deeper for self understanding and realization. Alcoholism is a maze of contradictions, irrationality, mind games (inward and outward), helplessness, hopelessness, and pain. By understanding your own true place in this situation you will have the best chance to help her, if she allows.
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Very sound advice, Yamaha. I will have to find some time to fit in something along these lines for myself. I am about to return to school full time while working full time and wondering how I will pull that off. Before this hospital stay I was much more at peace - the last year and a half not speaking to her has been the most calming time of my life. I only worry about my Dad and my brothers to be honest. If they were not in the picture, I would not even be calling the hospital...sad to say, but true. I suppose maybe my motives are skewed at this point, you see I'm not so much interested in trying to help her anymore, but rather trying to help my family. Either way, it's enough now.
From how I see it, there are two possible scenarios. Either she goes to rehab and hopefully cleans up; or my dad cuts her off and she can go on her own way. I hate to get my hopes up but this situation seems to have really been an eye opener for my father and has repeatedly said he's finished with it. Hoping he sticks to his guns, because if not, our relationship will drastically change as well. I am not letting this consume me anymore.
From how I see it, there are two possible scenarios. Either she goes to rehab and hopefully cleans up; or my dad cuts her off and she can go on her own way. I hate to get my hopes up but this situation seems to have really been an eye opener for my father and has repeatedly said he's finished with it. Hoping he sticks to his guns, because if not, our relationship will drastically change as well. I am not letting this consume me anymore.
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Well, there isn't much that can be changed, but for the sake of anyone reading that this might hit home for, or that possibility that it may impact the life of one person or be motivation for anyone to press on or seek help, I am going to post an update. Please, if you are reading and you have a problem with alcohol...please don't wait until tomorrow. Please get help TODAY -- and never, ever, ever try to detox without the help of a doctor or hospital!
My mother was moved after 8 full days in ICU to the step-down unit. Her vitals are stable, temperature back to normal but she is on aspiration watch and cardiac monitors - intense watch basically because physically anything can happen. Aspiration watch because she already has been treated for pneumonia due to fluid in her lungs either from vomiting during her seizures, or because she can not swallow her food and it may be going into her lungs.
She is not able to feed herself, she is unable to communicate without slurred speech that can not be understood (no evidence of stroke, they did tests, CT scans, etc.) and the times she does mutter out some words they are complaints (such as spitting out her food and saying it is disgusting). She is being spoon fed the equivilant of jarred baby food and this morning would only take one bite for the nurse. Her nurse said when she asked her the first time to open her mouth she did. Took one bite and then didn't respond one way or the other when she was asked repeatedly to open her mouth for more food again. She basically just sat up staring at her. The nurse tried to get her to lift her leg or lift her arm, etc. and said she didn't try and didn't refuse, but rather just sat there looking at her then, too. They say she is so malnurished her body has lost so much muscle mass that it is almost the equivalant of not eating anything substantial for a month.
The doctor called my father this morning and said they are ready to look for a rehab for her, but not for her alcoholism - so she can be cared for in a facility that can monitor her, feed her, change her and if she advances on, for speech therapy and to learn to walk and talk again. She's basically an invalid at this point, for lack of a better or more PC term. It could get better, it could not. Dr. mentioned possibility of chronic brain problems, while they haven't been able to find physical evidence of brain damage she is showing all the signs of alcoholic dementia.
My father is trying to figure out what to do with her with insurance that doesn't cover this rehab she needs. He makes a very, very modest salary and has 2 teenagers at home and both of their combined bills to carry that he won't be able to do for more than a month or two on his own. We now have a mother/wife that has been seriously ruined by alcohol. Maybe tomorrow she will have a miraculous recovery, but I'm doubting it.
My mother was moved after 8 full days in ICU to the step-down unit. Her vitals are stable, temperature back to normal but she is on aspiration watch and cardiac monitors - intense watch basically because physically anything can happen. Aspiration watch because she already has been treated for pneumonia due to fluid in her lungs either from vomiting during her seizures, or because she can not swallow her food and it may be going into her lungs.
She is not able to feed herself, she is unable to communicate without slurred speech that can not be understood (no evidence of stroke, they did tests, CT scans, etc.) and the times she does mutter out some words they are complaints (such as spitting out her food and saying it is disgusting). She is being spoon fed the equivilant of jarred baby food and this morning would only take one bite for the nurse. Her nurse said when she asked her the first time to open her mouth she did. Took one bite and then didn't respond one way or the other when she was asked repeatedly to open her mouth for more food again. She basically just sat up staring at her. The nurse tried to get her to lift her leg or lift her arm, etc. and said she didn't try and didn't refuse, but rather just sat there looking at her then, too. They say she is so malnurished her body has lost so much muscle mass that it is almost the equivalant of not eating anything substantial for a month.
The doctor called my father this morning and said they are ready to look for a rehab for her, but not for her alcoholism - so she can be cared for in a facility that can monitor her, feed her, change her and if she advances on, for speech therapy and to learn to walk and talk again. She's basically an invalid at this point, for lack of a better or more PC term. It could get better, it could not. Dr. mentioned possibility of chronic brain problems, while they haven't been able to find physical evidence of brain damage she is showing all the signs of alcoholic dementia.
My father is trying to figure out what to do with her with insurance that doesn't cover this rehab she needs. He makes a very, very modest salary and has 2 teenagers at home and both of their combined bills to carry that he won't be able to do for more than a month or two on his own. We now have a mother/wife that has been seriously ruined by alcohol. Maybe tomorrow she will have a miraculous recovery, but I'm doubting it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 18
Wow - I've been following this thread for a few days now and don't really know what to tell you. I just want to wish you, your family, and last but certainly not least your mother, all the best! Stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
DW,
I am sorry. This reminds me so much of what my family went through with my mother in the years before her death in 1999.
You have done what you can. Do your best to take care of yourself, and urge your family members to do the same. The physical and psychological toll of going through an experience like this is significant - get as much rest and nourishment in all forms (edible, spiritual, physical) as possible.
You and your family are in my prayers. Let go, let God.
I am sorry. This reminds me so much of what my family went through with my mother in the years before her death in 1999.
You have done what you can. Do your best to take care of yourself, and urge your family members to do the same. The physical and psychological toll of going through an experience like this is significant - get as much rest and nourishment in all forms (edible, spiritual, physical) as possible.
You and your family are in my prayers. Let go, let God.
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