this is me - klaarstroom
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: South Africa
Posts: 7
this is me - klaarstroom
Whilst new to the forum, I read through 4 stories. Initially, before reading, I thought "they'll all be the same..." Huge was my surprise to realize they're not. However, in each of the stories, in some way or another, I saw "videos" of my own life and story.
So I thought, maybe I should tell mine. Yes, to get it of the chest, but also if it could be of value to just one soul somewhere in the world, I could maybe make the difference I for so long thought I could never make.
My drinking goes back to 1982. In those days we in South Africa, had to do 2 years of military service. I'm not going to elaborate on the politics and mechanics of that, but I have to mention it for the role it play(s)/(ed) in my story. I grew up in a conservative (not so much politically, more mental and values wise), small town, farming home, with a father who was 48 years older than me and a mother 14 years younger than Dad. They never fought, my Mom never drank a drop of alcohol, ever, my Dad used alcohol as it is supposed (if there is such a thing) to be used. As a family, we were provided for, materially, more than adequately. They never fought, they did lots of things together, they respected each other almost to the point of worship. In other words, I grew up in an almost too normal home.
Then at the age of 18 I got the freedom of the wide world. We were 32 young men (actually kids of 18 - 20) in the military base. With more freedom, although in a military set up, than we were used to or ever dreamed about at home. We worked in a civilian style environment, where we had working hours with off time every night after 5. So we socialized, always with alcohol being the catalyst. At first it was like 2 or 3 nights a week we'll have a couple of drinks with weekends going slightly wilder. Up until the time where we "socialized" every night, getting drunk frequently and weekends staying drunk in varying stages of seriousness. That was what we did, how it worked. I did not see anything wrong with it. Everyone enjoyed it - so did I.
Then came the time when I finished my military service and went back to the farm to help my Dad, with the vision of eventually taking over the farming operation. At that stage I was 21, and had the world at my feet - in my mind at least. Our farming operation grew quite rapidly, and I worked hard and long hours. But being in a very small town, social activities were restricted to - yes - drinking. Drinking in a range of forms and formats, but nothing was done without drinking. Sports were played - so we could drink afterwards. Going to church on Sundays was done - so friends could meet and drink afterwards. Again nothing was done, no meeting took place without drinking during or afterwards.
I got married to a young woman, who happened to be a school sweet heart, at the age of 22. She came from roughly the same background, although her farther had a "slight" drinking problem as well. This meant that we would argue / fight about my drinking quite frequently. But I was of a "social stand" where it seemed I was untouchable - by anything or anyone. I carried on drinking, arguing that my drinking is "within limits" or "at acceptable levels". At the age of 30 we were relatively wealthy, we had 2 beautiful kids and a life most people admired us for.
I was on a roll, seemingly unstoppable. I became arrogant to the point where the success I was enjoying almost rendered me untouchable. My wife and I fought constantly, almost without exception, as a result of drinking in some form or another - but that didn't bother me, she became almost dispensable. I was elected on all sorts of boards and directorships - I think you get the picture - so I was drinking, a lot, in "celebration of the life I was having". At that stage - weekday drinking was still something only alcoholics did. And I wasn't one!!!. So drinking happened over weekend and in the evenings.
Then at the age of 33 the fortunes started turning. We had 7 disastrous years on the farm. The troubles between me and my wife became more prominent to the point where there didn't pass a day without a fight. Not always because of drinking directly, but for all sorts of reasons. I was sort of financially strong enough to survive, but we had to sacrifice a lot of stuff we were able to do / have before. Still drink (more and more) I somehow managed to stay on my feet. Still not drinking during working hours, but never going without at least 4 - 8 strong alcoholic drinks every night. Some times I would sit in front of the computer up till 3 am (like I'm doing now) only realizing when I eventually go to bed, that a bottle and a half of brandy was gone!!!
After getting involved with a export business at the age of 39, I decided to sell the larger portion of the farm, and focus on the new business. Within 3 years we were back on our feet and financially more than surviving. After selling most of the farming operation, we moved to a coastal town, 800 kilometers (500 miles) from our home town. Everyone were excited about this new life awaiting us as a family, we were well acquainted with the new area, as we went there for holidays every year. The new business meant that I now was away from home for long periods of time; 2 - 3 weeks at time, every second week. This opened up a fresh opportunity (and excuse) for drinking. Entertaining customers, and having to work late nights on the computer.
And the drinking didn't stop upon returning home, it got worse and worse. Now being at home 2 or 3 work days at a time every now and again, meant that weekday drinking started. I still had lots of work to do on the computer, so I told myself "I can still work...and drink". Nobody sees me, nobody will hear of it. My wife was very much involved with the kids' school activities at the time, so not even she always noted something was wrong. The excuse this time was that I did not want to spend that much time away from home and could not digest all the prosperity we (again) enjoyed.
At 43 I bought a business in a neighboring town, which my wife would manage - to "keep her busy and out of my hair". That business failed. But now I was drinking around the clock - or at least whenever I was awake. I would start at 6 in the morning with half a mug of brandy with the coffee, ending passed out around 11am - 1pm, waking by 3pm - 4pm, passing out again by 8pm - 10pm and so my days went. After losing the business and almost all of our assets, a friend bought a farm and invited me to join him in partnership. I was so excited with finally being back on a farm, working with animals again. My son returned from 2 years' work in England to get involved on the farm and a whole new life lay ahead of me / us. In the early stages on the new farm, in the latter part of 2009, I started drinking slightly less. We were very busy with development works etc.
Fortunately, as a result of Divine intervention, I still had the job at the exporting business.
My wife was still living in the coastal town, trying to rescue what was left of the business, and myself and my son moved to the farm. We drifted apart to the point where I suddenly realized she was communicating with an old boyfriend of the phone and internet. She, fortunately, is a very conscious woman - so the relationship did not go "too far" before she abandoned it. But I discovered emails and text messages where the communicated. I snapped and started drinking as never before.
The business in the neighboring town, and myself in person went bankrupt. The farm development fell behind. The wonderful relationship I had with my kids deteriorated up to the point where my son wanted to go back to England and my daughter wanted nothing to do with me at all.
But still I was drinking - more and more. The job I had with the exporting company, (fortunately still has) now left me for the larger part of the year with enough develop the new farm. But my son, who was only 20 at the time, had to do most of the work - because dad was (as he told neighbors) not feeling well and sleeping - almost all the time. Fortunately I never drove around whilst being drunk. I tried to stay out of public, but I had to see customers up to 500 kilometers (300 miles) away once a month, for 2 - 4 days. That left me with a few sober days a month.
When eventually the business in the neighboring town was closed, my wife moved to the farm permanently. I drank, passed out, drank, passed out and so my days on the farm - which were supposed to be a lifetime opportunity - went. I very, very nearly lost my job at the export company mid 2010. I never saw customers anymore, nobody could reach me on the phone, I forgot what about stuff that was crucially important to do - my life was lying around me in small heaps of ashes.
But I had the cure. Alcohol.
My wife and son would hide any form of alcohol from me, I would drive 60 miles (100 kilometers) to get 3 or 5 bottles of brandy, got home, hide it from them and started drinking. The heaps of ashes around me were growing and spreading so much so that all my mind was busy with, was where to get the next drink - it wouldn't matter what form of alcohol anymore - beer, wine, whiskey, brandy - whatever I could get hold of.
Then on the 4th of May 2011, I needed to go see customers 300 miles (500 kilometers) away, and a young man who wanted to see that area offered to go with me. So i had a driver. So I had time to drink, all the way. Upon returning home on the 7th, on of the customers, who happened to grow into friendship over the last 8 years, called me and in a very friendly manner told me "I could not help to smell alcohol on you when you were here visiting the other day, please don't do that - I respect you too much to make something more out of it, but if it happens again you won't leave me any other option".
The wake up call I was ignoring for almost 20 year, especially the last 3 - 4 eventually got through to me.
It was a Saturday morning around 8 am. I had my first 2 drinks already. I caught a fright to the extend where I made myself become sick (finger in the throat), bringing out those 1st 2 drinks. Told my wife I'm going to take a nap, it now was around 9:30am, and that she should wake me up at noon. Which she did.
I didn't mention anything to anyone. I just decided I'm done.
And I'm done.
Family and Friends knowing me well enough, would ask "don't you drink anymore" I'm still answering "I'm trying to get along without alcohol" . But because I am a sociable guy, who normally socialize with all sorts of people very well, I'm still seen as the party animal who "can drink!"
But I know I'm done with alcohol.
Why. Al of a sudden my wife is not that horrible woman she used to be, my son respects me as he did as a kid and we work together as partners do, my daughter calls me at least twice a week.
I was battling with constant stomach pains, I had a constant head ache, I forgot 70% of what I said and was told. All that are gone.
I constantly blamed myself for all the misfortunes we experienced. I constantly battered myself for not being the husband my wife married 25 years ago. I constantly wondered what the next misfortune would be and when it would arrive. The misfortunes and accidents still happen, but I handle them as I used to when I was 30 - as stuff that need to be dealt with as soon and and efficiently as possible.
I won't go back to drinking for the reason of remembering any or all of the bad that grow on alcohol - for the reason of all the bad that disappeared with alcohol.
Please guys, let's think back to who we were before alcohol, let's focus on how and who we were before alcohol. Let's use life after alcohol to enjoy all those missing years.
Not drinking is just as much a habit, or state of mind of state of health as drinking. We don't need it. If I can go without it - believe me - anyone can. Please focus on the future, not the past.
Just bear in mind "those who forget history are bound to repeat it" so if we have to take history with us, let us employ it to clear the future.
So I thought, maybe I should tell mine. Yes, to get it of the chest, but also if it could be of value to just one soul somewhere in the world, I could maybe make the difference I for so long thought I could never make.
My drinking goes back to 1982. In those days we in South Africa, had to do 2 years of military service. I'm not going to elaborate on the politics and mechanics of that, but I have to mention it for the role it play(s)/(ed) in my story. I grew up in a conservative (not so much politically, more mental and values wise), small town, farming home, with a father who was 48 years older than me and a mother 14 years younger than Dad. They never fought, my Mom never drank a drop of alcohol, ever, my Dad used alcohol as it is supposed (if there is such a thing) to be used. As a family, we were provided for, materially, more than adequately. They never fought, they did lots of things together, they respected each other almost to the point of worship. In other words, I grew up in an almost too normal home.
Then at the age of 18 I got the freedom of the wide world. We were 32 young men (actually kids of 18 - 20) in the military base. With more freedom, although in a military set up, than we were used to or ever dreamed about at home. We worked in a civilian style environment, where we had working hours with off time every night after 5. So we socialized, always with alcohol being the catalyst. At first it was like 2 or 3 nights a week we'll have a couple of drinks with weekends going slightly wilder. Up until the time where we "socialized" every night, getting drunk frequently and weekends staying drunk in varying stages of seriousness. That was what we did, how it worked. I did not see anything wrong with it. Everyone enjoyed it - so did I.
Then came the time when I finished my military service and went back to the farm to help my Dad, with the vision of eventually taking over the farming operation. At that stage I was 21, and had the world at my feet - in my mind at least. Our farming operation grew quite rapidly, and I worked hard and long hours. But being in a very small town, social activities were restricted to - yes - drinking. Drinking in a range of forms and formats, but nothing was done without drinking. Sports were played - so we could drink afterwards. Going to church on Sundays was done - so friends could meet and drink afterwards. Again nothing was done, no meeting took place without drinking during or afterwards.
I got married to a young woman, who happened to be a school sweet heart, at the age of 22. She came from roughly the same background, although her farther had a "slight" drinking problem as well. This meant that we would argue / fight about my drinking quite frequently. But I was of a "social stand" where it seemed I was untouchable - by anything or anyone. I carried on drinking, arguing that my drinking is "within limits" or "at acceptable levels". At the age of 30 we were relatively wealthy, we had 2 beautiful kids and a life most people admired us for.
I was on a roll, seemingly unstoppable. I became arrogant to the point where the success I was enjoying almost rendered me untouchable. My wife and I fought constantly, almost without exception, as a result of drinking in some form or another - but that didn't bother me, she became almost dispensable. I was elected on all sorts of boards and directorships - I think you get the picture - so I was drinking, a lot, in "celebration of the life I was having". At that stage - weekday drinking was still something only alcoholics did. And I wasn't one!!!. So drinking happened over weekend and in the evenings.
Then at the age of 33 the fortunes started turning. We had 7 disastrous years on the farm. The troubles between me and my wife became more prominent to the point where there didn't pass a day without a fight. Not always because of drinking directly, but for all sorts of reasons. I was sort of financially strong enough to survive, but we had to sacrifice a lot of stuff we were able to do / have before. Still drink (more and more) I somehow managed to stay on my feet. Still not drinking during working hours, but never going without at least 4 - 8 strong alcoholic drinks every night. Some times I would sit in front of the computer up till 3 am (like I'm doing now) only realizing when I eventually go to bed, that a bottle and a half of brandy was gone!!!
After getting involved with a export business at the age of 39, I decided to sell the larger portion of the farm, and focus on the new business. Within 3 years we were back on our feet and financially more than surviving. After selling most of the farming operation, we moved to a coastal town, 800 kilometers (500 miles) from our home town. Everyone were excited about this new life awaiting us as a family, we were well acquainted with the new area, as we went there for holidays every year. The new business meant that I now was away from home for long periods of time; 2 - 3 weeks at time, every second week. This opened up a fresh opportunity (and excuse) for drinking. Entertaining customers, and having to work late nights on the computer.
And the drinking didn't stop upon returning home, it got worse and worse. Now being at home 2 or 3 work days at a time every now and again, meant that weekday drinking started. I still had lots of work to do on the computer, so I told myself "I can still work...and drink". Nobody sees me, nobody will hear of it. My wife was very much involved with the kids' school activities at the time, so not even she always noted something was wrong. The excuse this time was that I did not want to spend that much time away from home and could not digest all the prosperity we (again) enjoyed.
At 43 I bought a business in a neighboring town, which my wife would manage - to "keep her busy and out of my hair". That business failed. But now I was drinking around the clock - or at least whenever I was awake. I would start at 6 in the morning with half a mug of brandy with the coffee, ending passed out around 11am - 1pm, waking by 3pm - 4pm, passing out again by 8pm - 10pm and so my days went. After losing the business and almost all of our assets, a friend bought a farm and invited me to join him in partnership. I was so excited with finally being back on a farm, working with animals again. My son returned from 2 years' work in England to get involved on the farm and a whole new life lay ahead of me / us. In the early stages on the new farm, in the latter part of 2009, I started drinking slightly less. We were very busy with development works etc.
Fortunately, as a result of Divine intervention, I still had the job at the exporting business.
My wife was still living in the coastal town, trying to rescue what was left of the business, and myself and my son moved to the farm. We drifted apart to the point where I suddenly realized she was communicating with an old boyfriend of the phone and internet. She, fortunately, is a very conscious woman - so the relationship did not go "too far" before she abandoned it. But I discovered emails and text messages where the communicated. I snapped and started drinking as never before.
The business in the neighboring town, and myself in person went bankrupt. The farm development fell behind. The wonderful relationship I had with my kids deteriorated up to the point where my son wanted to go back to England and my daughter wanted nothing to do with me at all.
But still I was drinking - more and more. The job I had with the exporting company, (fortunately still has) now left me for the larger part of the year with enough develop the new farm. But my son, who was only 20 at the time, had to do most of the work - because dad was (as he told neighbors) not feeling well and sleeping - almost all the time. Fortunately I never drove around whilst being drunk. I tried to stay out of public, but I had to see customers up to 500 kilometers (300 miles) away once a month, for 2 - 4 days. That left me with a few sober days a month.
When eventually the business in the neighboring town was closed, my wife moved to the farm permanently. I drank, passed out, drank, passed out and so my days on the farm - which were supposed to be a lifetime opportunity - went. I very, very nearly lost my job at the export company mid 2010. I never saw customers anymore, nobody could reach me on the phone, I forgot what about stuff that was crucially important to do - my life was lying around me in small heaps of ashes.
But I had the cure. Alcohol.
My wife and son would hide any form of alcohol from me, I would drive 60 miles (100 kilometers) to get 3 or 5 bottles of brandy, got home, hide it from them and started drinking. The heaps of ashes around me were growing and spreading so much so that all my mind was busy with, was where to get the next drink - it wouldn't matter what form of alcohol anymore - beer, wine, whiskey, brandy - whatever I could get hold of.
Then on the 4th of May 2011, I needed to go see customers 300 miles (500 kilometers) away, and a young man who wanted to see that area offered to go with me. So i had a driver. So I had time to drink, all the way. Upon returning home on the 7th, on of the customers, who happened to grow into friendship over the last 8 years, called me and in a very friendly manner told me "I could not help to smell alcohol on you when you were here visiting the other day, please don't do that - I respect you too much to make something more out of it, but if it happens again you won't leave me any other option".
The wake up call I was ignoring for almost 20 year, especially the last 3 - 4 eventually got through to me.
It was a Saturday morning around 8 am. I had my first 2 drinks already. I caught a fright to the extend where I made myself become sick (finger in the throat), bringing out those 1st 2 drinks. Told my wife I'm going to take a nap, it now was around 9:30am, and that she should wake me up at noon. Which she did.
I didn't mention anything to anyone. I just decided I'm done.
And I'm done.
Family and Friends knowing me well enough, would ask "don't you drink anymore" I'm still answering "I'm trying to get along without alcohol" . But because I am a sociable guy, who normally socialize with all sorts of people very well, I'm still seen as the party animal who "can drink!"
But I know I'm done with alcohol.
Why. Al of a sudden my wife is not that horrible woman she used to be, my son respects me as he did as a kid and we work together as partners do, my daughter calls me at least twice a week.
I was battling with constant stomach pains, I had a constant head ache, I forgot 70% of what I said and was told. All that are gone.
I constantly blamed myself for all the misfortunes we experienced. I constantly battered myself for not being the husband my wife married 25 years ago. I constantly wondered what the next misfortune would be and when it would arrive. The misfortunes and accidents still happen, but I handle them as I used to when I was 30 - as stuff that need to be dealt with as soon and and efficiently as possible.
I won't go back to drinking for the reason of remembering any or all of the bad that grow on alcohol - for the reason of all the bad that disappeared with alcohol.
Please guys, let's think back to who we were before alcohol, let's focus on how and who we were before alcohol. Let's use life after alcohol to enjoy all those missing years.
Not drinking is just as much a habit, or state of mind of state of health as drinking. We don't need it. If I can go without it - believe me - anyone can. Please focus on the future, not the past.
Just bear in mind "those who forget history are bound to repeat it" so if we have to take history with us, let us employ it to clear the future.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Mt
Posts: 298
klaastroom Thank you for sharing. I too sobered up on May 1, 2011. I have 80 days sober today. My story is much like yours, not because we led a life on parallels, but because we are alcoholics. I need support to stay sober and SR is one of them. Thank you for sharing. Welcome hope you will post here often. There is a thread of those of us that sobered up in May and I hope you join us.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Klaarstoorm) - welcome to SR! I think you'll find a lot of people with similar stories and I know, for me, finding out I'm not alone makes a big difference.
Good for you on the clean time!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Good for you on the clean time!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
to SR. Thank you for sharing your story.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Thank you klaarstroom. I, too, have a similar story. What starts out as a fun & relaxing thing to do, sucks the life out of us in the end. Many never see what is happening to them, & never receive the wakeup call. I'm glad you were able to stop your downward spiral.
SR gave me the strength and encouragement to reach out for a better life. I was no longer alone, and that meant everything. Congratulations on your new life.
SR gave me the strength and encouragement to reach out for a better life. I was no longer alone, and that meant everything. Congratulations on your new life.
Englishrose70
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 190
Please guys, let's think back to who we were before alcohol, let's focus on how and who we were before alcohol. Let's use life after alcohol to enjoy all those missing years.
Not drinking is just as much a habit, or state of mind of state of health as drinking. We don't need it. If I can go without it - believe me - anyone can. Please focus on the future, not the past.
Just bear in mind "those who forget history are bound to repeat it" so if we have to take history with us, let us employ it to clear the future.
Thank you for sharing your very poignant story. Your last few sentences were very powerful. Welcome to SR
Not drinking is just as much a habit, or state of mind of state of health as drinking. We don't need it. If I can go without it - believe me - anyone can. Please focus on the future, not the past.
Just bear in mind "those who forget history are bound to repeat it" so if we have to take history with us, let us employ it to clear the future.
Thank you for sharing your very poignant story. Your last few sentences were very powerful. Welcome to SR
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