Ready4Change84

Over a year ago, I was going to AA because it was a part of my probation. I didn't work the program and after I got off probation I stopped going. I very much know I am an alcoholic and I'm ready to quit drinking. I'm just so terrified to go back in those doors. I'm afraid of failure and what others will think of me. Any tips on what to do.

silly

You should understand that most people in those rooms have relapsed, "gone back out", slipped, etc... And they too had to dust themselves off and go back. So I firmly believe you will be met with open arms and welcoming smiles. You are definitely, definitely not the open person to have left and then come back. Just last week I was in a meeting and a woman raised her hand, saying she was counting days "again". She went on to say that she was sober for 7 years but went on a bender for a week. Now she's back in AA and working to put that behind her.

Terminally Unique

I don't think that others will particularly care if you go back, to be honest, and I seriously doubt that anyone will berate you for it. That said, you don't have to go to AA in order to quit drinking. There are other ways.

Dee74

I think if you have a group you went to, some people will likely remember you and they will care what happened to you...but most of us have struggled or relapsed...I think you'll find understanding and support

Don't let your pride or shame or fear stand in the way of getting the help you need R4C84

D

PaperDolls

For sure, you're not the only one to ever feel this way. It's normal.

I know when I see someone back in the rooms that went "MIA" I am so glad to see they made it back. Not everyone does.

Do what you know you need to do to help you in your recovery.

PaleMale

The only shame you need worry about is the shame you bare already. No one at a meeting will be anything but compassionate. Perhaps try more and different meetings. Go to coffee or tea afterward.

Believe it or not, Recovery should be more than a little pleasurable. The first meetings are hardest to go to, either the first time ever or the first time after a relapse.

"Fear is the mind killer..." from Frank Herbert's "Dune"

recoverywfaith

When I had relapsed I was hesitant to go as well...what I did was call AA intergroup and they connected me with someone and that is what helped me to go back to AA. Do not let the shame deter you from going and maintaining your sobriety. We recover together one day at a time. Takes courage to share and am glad you are here.

Itchy

I used AA for my first three months and my small home group were terrific, I am at 9 months now and hadn't been back to my AA group regularly from my 3rd month until my sixth month sober. They gave me a great boost and were as instrumental as here on SR in my recovery.

As has been said they do care, we all do regardless of the recovery method we use.

I went back just to let them know I was still sober and doing much better! They not only remembered me but were so relieved I came back! One lady said that usually when a member stops coming the next they see them is a picture in the paper . . . the obit section.

I took what I could use and left the rest. However even though they were surprised I was fine, they now call me when one of our group gets their one year or an event comes up they want all their friends to attend for a good showing, and I am tickled to do so.

They need you as much as you need them. Go and see for yourself. Why keep them waiting any longer? Let them know you are alive and kicking and ready to make another run at the goal.

stanleyhouse

Try a different path to recovery. I choose who I spend time with so I cross judgemental people off the list. Find a group that you want to be with from the beginning, not one that has to prove themselves. I like SMART and various volunteer organizations that are usually filled with non-drinkers.
SH

Eddiebuckle

R4C,

Relapse and absences are not uncommon. Any AA group worth the name has welcomed back plenty of folks. If you are uncomfortable, go to a different meeting - but don't let your fear keep you from staying sober.

Good luck!

Latte

If you wish to go back to AA, don't let shame stop you.

I'm glad you're back on the road to recovery.

camedown

Part of the AA process is learning to get over those exact feelings. Most people in meetings understand well, were all alcoholics. I too still have many insecurities and misgivings about the process, but I am starting to learn to BLINDLY put my faith in it and my higher power(very slowly, but learning).

littlefish

Things were probably wrong from the get go because you were forced to go to AA. I am in complete disagreement with court appointed attendance to AA. I think it is not in keeping with the original spirit of the founders of AA, but I also know many people in the program who thank God they were court appointed. I frankly don't know what to think about this issue, because here in Europe nobody is ever forced to go to AA.

I like the fact that I walked through the doors because I wanted to.

Having said that: YES: I was nervous, YES I was afraid, YES I was embarrassed.

How about this: maybe your interpretation of people's reaction is all on your court. When I see a newbie walk through the doors I just try to summon my courage enough to welcome them. I'm nervous and afraid, too!!

Rusty Zipper

r4c

when your ass falls off, put in in a wheelbarrow and haul it off to a meeting

you will be welcomed back,

as we dont shoot our wounded

yeahgr8

That thinking kept me out of AA for a long time...i remember going to a meeting in Barcelona about 5 months before i got sober and stared at the table the whole meeting through then this guy squeezed my hand when we did the serenity prayer thing at the end...i then went for a coffee afterwards with a few people and proceeded to share how ok i was and that i was just trying AA out...it took me a while to look at why i was so scared but, for me, it was because they were just like me and i couldn't hide myself like i could do out of the rooms, i knew that they could see me and i didn't like it one bit!

The fact is that everyone in the rooms of AA is in the same boat, ok some have longer periods of sobriety than others but it is about learning how to live a normal life, well a largely less unmanageable one anyway, and that is a lifetime process which is why someone with 20 years sobriety still goes to meetings...it becomes not about alcohol and about being accountable to ourselves, away from the rooms it is real easy to slip back into BSing ourselves about all sorts of things and before you know it you're acting out crazy again...

So the solution there is simple, go through the work they recommend under the guidance of someone who has done it, keep going to meetings, as many as you can, become the person you always wanted to be and have a decent life...compared to the living hell i had that seems worth the effort...eventually the pain will outweigh the fear, do yourself a favour and make that choice now...good luck:-

Oh and i was so far removed from any feelings of self worth or respect that when i got sober i thought why the hell do these people keep wanting to have coffees with me, i don't even want to sit with myself lol funny now but pretty tragic to see in a newcomer, so you aren't alone!

stugotz

No shame at all, if everyone got it the first time, there would no need for meetings. Welcome.

CarolD

Welcome....
and that is what you will find when you get back into the rooms..

This time...please do begin your Steps...that is when I found solid recovery.

Schwaber77

I just started going, I've been to only a few meetings over the past couple of weeks and I am far from being a pro but I love it. The requirement of attending AA is the desire to quit. If you have that, then go! Everyone slips up at some point and falls upon rough times and everyone in AA understands that but if you have that desire and you are honestly trying, then there is nothing to fear.

I think the only thing they (brothers and sisters of AA) would think of you after finding out that you f'd up is that, -hey she is still coming back to the meetings, it was a bump in the road but you haven't given up, the desire is still there, get up, brush your self off and try again. Try to figure out what led to the slip and figure out what you can do to avoid it in the future-.

Thats just the way I look at it, my 2cents. If you were to run into someone there that judged you because of a slip (I am sure there probably are some but I have yet to meet anyone that looks at another person as being anything other then being part of the family), who cares, DGF (don't give a f!). You are doing this for yourself, to get better, you know this and they will understand too when you go. I have hed anxiety, shyness, panic attacks over the years and it has gotten better since I quit drinking but I was worried about going because of those issues but I am glad that I didn't let that stop me.

Have strength and keep us posted!

Spawn

Take a deep breath and just do it!
When we think about it too much we tend to build it up to something it isn't.
Maybe no one will remember you?

Fenris

I've returned to my home group twice after relapses and received warm welcomes both times. Remember that plenty of people in those rooms have seen friends "go back out" and never return. Like Schwaber said, I'm sure there are some people in AA who judge others harshly for jumping off the wagon, but I have yet to meet anyone like that.

--Fenris.