bigguyslimm

So today is my 35th day clean and sober. The last 35 days have been something else. It's crazy how some days I'm feeling fine and others I feel outta place and feel like I have no control over my body. The anxiety comes on when ever it wants. Some nights I can sleep, others I can't. Some days I can work out, others I can't. I know this is gonna take time. I wish it would move along a little faster.

MycoolFitz

It'll come as it comes. I know the ups and downs that come with early sobriety but I think part of it is just the normality of life in the sober lane. If it was all so swell before addiction how come we numbed ourselves with our DOC? I also think if you spend years abusing your body, mind, emotions, etc. it doesn't all come together in a nice package after a month or two or even longer, I think that's why its called recovering--a whole lot of things to recover.

sobermax

I'm in a similar place mate. Am beginning to think that my insomnia is just another habit though, keeping me isolated. Hmmm. Also, stopping smoking suddenly seems very important.

Anyway. I guess we just have to resign ourselves to some physical readjustments. No doubt they'll fade with time.

As I write, I am feeling happy because my wife bought a bottle of wine but ended up not drinking it. It is sitting in the fridge, and I KNOW WITH CERTAINTY I'M NOT GOING TO DRINK IT. Previously, when this happened, I would internally relax with a happy anticipation , knowing that after I'd frenziedly necked it I could always say 'Your fault! You know it isn't fair to leave alcohol lying around'.

My deal, not hers or anyone else's.

Sorry, rambling - just trying to make the point that it doesn't all have to be sweats, guilt and fear - there can be some upsides to early recovery.

Dee74

hi bigguy

I found the first two months were the hardest, trying to adapt, trying to find a level I could call 'normal'...

hopefully this next month will see some improvement for you

D

bigguyslimm

Thanks. Yeah the times I hate most are feeling numb and sick. Not being able to ride in a car. Did you ever have problems in the car or with motion?

Dee74

I can't say I did BGS...

have you seen a Dr?
you're sure it's not something else going on?

D

bigguyslimm

Yeah I just get anxiety and light panic attacks. They've gotten better and lighter as the days go on. I never got car sick until I quit drinking. I was just wondering if others have that problem.

alchy

Never happened to me either and I'm at the same stage of recovery as you. I can relate to ups and downs though. But that's life. Its full of them. We're just not drowning them any more.

RyanRed

Cant say I get car sick, but I can tell ya all sorts of weird feelings sprung up that were out of the norm after getting sober. Not to discourage you because being sober is clearly the better feeling path by a landslide, but anxiety still woops my butt today. I am finding out it is mostly conjured by me, and if I can successfully mentally convince myself of that it helps. But trying to convince ones self can be hard because it feels all to real at the time its happening (when really it's all in your head). For me anxiety is fears that are irrational a 5 year old would laugh at. For example, I started feeling all spacey tonight, and inturn made me dizzy. This lead to a feeling of anxiety. But it all started with me just feeling spacey, and it chain reacted into anxiety because I analyzed this feeling to much.

This also goes along with doing day to day things. The what ifs? What if I go out and about and have an anxiety attack in public? Ive brought on anxiety attacks purely on what ifs! This is crazy I know! Sitting at home thinking about going to store, and saying what if I anxiety out in the store. Then next thing I know Im having an anxiety attack at home because I thought about it to much! Its crazy! Its the fear of being fearful. Fear stacked on top of fear. While all the while there is nothing to fear!

So what does this all mean? All these weird feelings will pass. Im sure of it bud. But it wont happen over night. How could it? Our minds are so used to being under the influence of alcohol/drugs, so our mental state is still readjusting. How long that takes all depends on the person. Sometimes it feels like we'll never feel normal again, but know thats not true one bit. I too have those ups and downs. But the ups are superior. The downs we just learn to deal with until they slowly but surely fade away. And they will fade away!

Things that have helped me:
-Sleep normal hours!
(I still dont do this out of pure habit, but Im getting better at it. I notice I feel my best on the days where I went to sleep at a normal hour)

-Eat breakfast lunch and dinner!
(Most alcoholics/addicts never ate right and drank or used in place of it. While this seemed to work then, I promise you it doesn't now! And we actually feel the repercussions of it now if we don't! So eat!)

-Take a multi-vitamin!
(This is just a basic good practice everyone should do)

-Find people you can relate too!
(Coming here just to read is a great start. Talking about your problems openly can be hard, but is a lot easier with people who understand. Make friends here!)

Alright bud well take care man. If you ever wanna shoot the breeze or whatever you can also PM me. Stay strong brother!

-Ryan

bigguyslimm

Thanks Ryan. I know what you mean about the Up days. Those days are awesome, to be sober, happy and feel normal. I, just like every one else hate the Down days. Those days make me wanna stay inside and hide from everyone. The anxiety is a crazy thing. You can feel so numb, tense and worried all at the same time. Then it calms down and you realize it was just anxiety poppin in to mess with your day. That's the worst when you know you brought on yourself by over thinking.