Schwaber77

1.The gift of desperation has helped me become honest, open minded, and willing. I am grateful for this gift because it has made my recovery possible.

2.I will remember that all things begin with a dream. Today, I will allow myself to my dreams come true.

I like number 1 in particular, I am in fact in a time of desperation and I have become all listed. Even though life realy f'n sucks right now, not becasue I am sober (which without a doubt is the best thing I have going for myself) but other things in life, mainly because of my lack of sobriety before recently.

After some detox, a couple of AA meetings, and time with friends and family, I am now 11 days sober (again). I feel good about the sobriety and do believe this is it, not another drink for the rest of my life. That is my goal and I feel different this time, I honestly feel committed to this goal where in past attempts, I haven't had that feeling.

I just hope its not too late but I geuss if it is, you have to keep moving forward and regardless of where the road leads me, sobriety has to be a major part of the journey.

Dee74

keep up the good work Schwaber

D

Opivotal

Congrats on 11 days!! It's never to late to move forward Schwaber. You will never regret being sober.



Best Wishes To You!

Schwaber77

A quote I just read from the "Big Book" that I just read while trying to read the entire book, I geuss not "trying", I am but only about 1/3 of the way through it. Its fitting with what I am currently dealing with, not only my alcohoism.

"How my wife kept her faith and courage during all of those years, I'll never know, but she did. If she had not, I know I would have been dead along time ago. For some reason, we alcoholics seem to have the gift of picking out the world's finest women. Why they should be subjected to the tortures we inflict upon them, I cannot explain."

I have inflicted torture to my wife and family, no question, they did not deserve it.

If it's over, I understand but I am praying for one more chance. I supposedly have one more chance but I don't know, I don't think that I am worthy of such a blessing and I think she might feel the same, can I blame her?

I know I need to keep moving forward and I will, its just that the depression has set in and I am just sad, I miss them. I just want to hold my wife tight, tighter then ever, tell her I love her and that I am sorry, prove myself to her and regain her trust. I know it takes time, but I don't want to cry anymore unless they are tears of joy. I know, it sounds a bit selfish, but she and the kids are my life. I think I need them just like I need sobriety and I know, my sobriety should be the most important thing in my life but I could possibly have one more chance, to me, at this point, they rank up there pretty close.

Thanks for listening Dee and Opivotal, I'm doing my best and doing good with the sobriety.

hope4strength

Although I don't know you, Schwaber, I have to tell you that I am so happy about your decision. Congrats on 11 days and counting!! I am going through a difficult time with 2 addicts in my life and it is so very difficult. I understand that people have to want it for themselves, and I couldn't agree with that more. However, as one who has a relative and a now recent ex-bf who have substance abuse issues, I can tell you from my own experience that the decision you have made and the responsibility you are taking make you so incredibly strong. I applaud you and I know those who love you must be so grateful for your actions.

My thoughts are with you in your continuing success. Way to go!! Please keep sharing your thoughts; they mean more than you may know!

Schwaber77

Thanks Hope, all I want is of course, is to maintain my sobriety but also, I just want to go home. I don't know, part of me is scared to go home if/when that day may come.

I appreciate your encouraging words.

hope4strength

I do agree that maintaining your sobriety is the most important, but I do completely understand that you really want things to work out on the family front. Just know as someone who has done an intervention on a family member, we want nothing more than to see a loved one WANT to help themselves the way you do. Be proud of yourself for taking such a difficult step. I know your family is proud of you for wanting to help yourself and having your actions speak as loudly as your words. It may sound odd, but I think you being scared just sounds to me like you really care a lot about what they think and that you're determined to be the person they know you can be for yourself and for them. I think that makes you a really big person for taking these steps. Congratulations again to you, and I think you really should be proud of yourself. You have courage!!

loveurself

Schwaber,

Thanks for sharing that quote. It made me cried. I am a wife who not only pledged her life but committed her soul to an AH.

My AH and I met 10 years ago and this July marked our 6th Anniversary. We are now living apart temporarly because his drinking got out of hand. When we started fighting about his drinking, he said I met him that way and I married him that way. Drinking on the weekends may have been something we did together in our earlier years but I married him for the man that I saw in him and I held on as long as I did in hopes that in time things will change, he will change. I soon realized after our 2nd child together was born that things weren't going to change. It only got worse. The man I thought I married was gone and I was alone. He had been gone for quite some time. We had lost respect for one and another and it wasn't fair for our children to see that. What hurt the most was the way he would talked to me in front of our children. I don't think that he ever realized that.

If I didn't address the problem now, he will only show our children it's okay to do these things and eventually be dead. They will never get the chance to see or know the wonderful man he really is. It wasn't easy for me to do what I did but I had to.

I'm sure your wife misses you just as much as you miss her if not more and if she doesn't open that door to you just yet or again, please try to understand that her heart has been broken time and again by the one person who she trust the most.

Where ever the road leads you, I want you to know that I am very proud of you...we all are proud of you and if the day gets hard, let your children lead the way. They need you..

Take Care!

Schwaber77

Thank you mai Love...