perksownme

Hello

I have read alot on here so far and finally felt it appropriate and comfortable to post my own story. Seems there is alot of support here and tons of great people, I am looking forward to becoming part of this wonderful group..

ME: on the outside, I am a 27yr old woman , caring, vibrant, succesful, hard working, I have a gorgeous & perfect son, a husband, a great career, a nice place, nice car, etc . From the outside, I am living the life, my friends wonder how I do it, I had so much at such a young age, I have been working my butt off since I was 16. I have had a very rough life, but I worked through it and have always succeeded. My family abandonned me at 13, and I have been on my own since, experiencing everything from rape, drug abuse (obviously but I was a cocaine addict for 2 years), , abuse etc.. but somehow I pulled through it all WHILE holding down a job and paying my own bills... At this point, I am very happy with where I am, aside from the damn perks life could be perfect.. I love my family, I take great care of them and our home, I am active and laid back and make a great buck at a career that isn't going anywhere. I am living the dream, right?
Wrong. My life is actually falling apart, and because of 1 thing. I am and have been addicted to percocet for 3+years. I take about 16-17 a day. My husband is also addicted. I can't live without them, I breathe them, live them, dream of them, I don't function without them.I take them by the clock .I spend 3000$ a month on them. my Great buck,,, well lets just say theres not much left of it. I am done.
I started to wean down on Saturday , from 17 down to 12, Yesterday I took 11, today I have had 2 when I would normally have had 3-4. It's a start right? I am here because, my life is falling apart, I hate myself, I hate what my life has become and how I walk around pretending to be so happy. I hate how nobody knows the truth, I hate how people wonder why I am always broke. I hate worrying about dying, I hate worrying about my son finding out., I hate it all. I hate it. My husband has also agreed to wean with me.
I need help

Opivotal

Welcome Perk! I'm so happy you've joined SR. It is a fantastic site. Have you thought about rehab? I'm just suggesting this because most people find tapering very difficult. Whatever you choose...we will be here to support you!


Best Wishes To You!

perksownme

I have def thought of it, and looked into it. But it's just not an option. My career won't allow that kind of time off, I am the sole care taker for my son as my husband works really long crazy hours and i have no family that can care for him plus rehab costs thousands of dollars, it's just not possible. my options are taper, or cold turkey. which again, to be deathly sick for 5 days minimum isn't possible for me. I have to get up and go to work everyday, drop off, pick up my son, take care of him, feed him etc. I have to be able to do all this, its my reason "excuse" for having waited so long I guess. I am truly hoping the taper works, if not there is also suboxone, I have had 3 appointments there and came very close to starting it but couldn't go the 24+hours clean.... fail.. i'm also worried about replacing one drug with the other and having to go through withdrawals from that after, seems pointless? also will be on my medical records everywhere, the wait to get a take home dose here is up to 6months so I would also need the time to go back and forth to the clinics/pharmacies everyday also they require a dr's appointment once a week during business hours for the first 3-4mths... eek I just don't know anymore

CarolD

Welcome to the posting part of sR....

We are not allowed to give medical advice and that includes how best to taper off drugs. Please do check with your doctor to get advice on how this can be done safely.
All my best to the 3 of you...

wpainterw

Good luck on weaning yourself off the pills. Obviously a physician's advice would be helpful, even necessary. Assume you have that or are seriously considering that. Otherwise I'm not familiar with the situation since my main experience has been with alcohol. If you manage to wean yourself off the pills then some kind of counseling might help you figure out why you felt it necessary to do all that stuff and consider ways to prevent a relapse. But it would seem to me that the first priority is to stop the pills and start your body making the transition to a pill free environment. I often found it helpful to divert myself when the going got rough. Television helps as long as you don't look at movies dealing with drugs, booze, etc.

W.

wpainterw

P.S. It's certainly a difficult situation you're in but there are always ways out. As I suggested, talk to your doctor. Be completely honest about what's been happening. Then see if you can get in touch with others who have gone through this and who have achieved some kind of recovery, maybe through NA or some other organization (this website has a lot of NA places on it). Also, does your job ever permit you vacation time? If so, this might be a way of detoxing. You might be able to arrange temporary care for your kid, like summer camp or having him stay with a friend. Detoxing is always a challenge, not only for the physical aspects but also because your body, dependent on the addictive substance, tricks your mind into making the process seem even worse than it may actually be. Others have done it and you might talk to them or even get their help. Good luck.

W.

ceneri

Welcome, perks. Your story brought tears to my eyes. I agree with others. See your PCP, stat! Be completely honest for optimum service. Also, I've asked for therapist referrals from my dr in the past for dealing with crisis & have never regretted it. Please consider.
-peace

Dee74

Welcome Perksownme

Like Carol says we can't give you medical advice, but you will find a lot of support here.
I think supports very important...noone does this alone.

See your Dr about what the best way forward is medically

D

recoverywfaith

Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here and seeking help for yourself and I concur with what cenceri suggests.