rose68

My AH stopped drinking 11 days ago, we have made it through 2 weekends which have always been really tough. We usually end up in fights and he ends up very drunk. But the past two have been really great.

This weekend he was working on his vehicle which has always been a beer drinking event, but not this time, he even ran into problems that were very stressful. But he didn't reach for a beer to cope. Instead he walked away from it got a good nights sleep and tackled it the next day and got it fixed.

I am still going to my AlAnon to work on me and my issues, he has not found his way into a recovery program, but has a few non drinking friends he has shared with and talks to. He has admitted to having cravings a few times, and I can tell when he is white knuckling bad. But for the most part he seems happy(first time in years). We are enjoying life as a couple and as a family again. But most of the time I feel like I am holding my breath. I wonder how to fix this in myself, I don't want him to think I doubt him or his resolve to be alcohol free.

I just need to figure out how to relax, I know I can't control it, and that if he does drink again it is his decision, but I just feel tense. I guess I lived with his drinking for so long that it became the normal and now this seems abnormal. Crazy right? I just want to breath and enjoy our time together without worring about what might happen....

Any advice appriciated.

m1k3

Hi Rose ((((hugs))))

My wife quit for various lengths of time more than once. Never stuck with a program ans seldom even tried a program. What I discovered about myself during those times was that I had no trust. I didn't trust her to stop and when she wasn't drinking or popping pills I was just waiting the next shoe to drop. (OT but where did that expression come from?). Maybe it just got to the point that I couldn't see her not drinking.

So, what you are feeling seems normal to me. Continue to go to al-anon to help with you.

Your friend,

Ogilve

I think we all live that way, to some extent, unless we get out of the relationship. I choose not to get out, so I have that anxiety.

Since deciding that I have to take of myself and my children first, put us first, my anxiety is much less. I know there will be a next time. I don't worry about the "if," just the "when." And the "when" seems less important when I have a plan about what to do when it happens, if that make sense. So, just having a plan of action has brought me some peace.

ValJester

Hi,

I think we certainly have less confidence in our loved ones staying sober when they are not working a program.

They think they can do it on their own willpower and history tells us that that is very, very difficult.

When they are getting sober that's all we care about, then we want personality recovery as well, enter the program.

Sylvie66

The last time my ABF stopped drinking (well, the last-but-one) - I decided that I knew he'd go back to drinking hard, and to just enjoy the honeymoon, as it was likely the last chance I'd get to really be with him. And for several weeks, it was so nice....
I'm not being sarcastic. It really was a lovely time. Because I had decided that it was.
If he'd stayed sober, I would have rolled with that too. But my expectation was that his white-knuckle phase would end, and I knew what I'd do after that (for me, it meant leaving).

- Sylvie