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Old 07-17-2011, 07:13 PM
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Looking for help

And checking to see what helps others in my sitution. I have been abusing drugs and alchahol nearly half my life.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression over 4 years ago and quit taking my medicines for that not even a year in. I have made my life dependant on high, my main doc and hardest one to quit is marijuana. I am currently 3 weeks in without pot but have been useing other crutches that I will soon become dependant on if I do not find another option.
Or suggestion.
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Old 07-17-2011, 07:24 PM
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Welcome name

Marijuana actually ended up making me more depressed...so I think you're wise to want to stop it, and any other self medicating you're doing.

I don't know why you stopped taking the meds, but personally I think the best advice anyone can give you is to go see a reputable doctor or counsellor about your depression, and you can also ask about ideas and ways to deal with your history of addiction.

Supports important too - you'll find a lot of support here but have you ever thought of face to face support groups - like AA SMART etc - as well?

D
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Old 07-17-2011, 07:32 PM
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I too took myself of my antidepressants in favor of self-medication. It seemed to work in the short run but in the long run I was just a addicted depressed person. Seeing your doc or shrink is a good idea. Also getting off whatever crutches you're relying on. In the long run its the only way to be able to walk again. You may want to look into AA or NA, check out some other posts here, see a counselor, a lot of things to explore but if you keep yourself self-medicated its difficult to see and act clearly. Sometimes pain and discomfort existe to warn us we need to take action.
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Old 07-17-2011, 07:41 PM
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I thought about face to face support groups but I know it will not help me to the extent thats needed. I have found my self lieing and manipulating the talk to either make peace with myself without stopping anything or just lieing to leave and not come back.
I am a very addictive personanlity, not just drugs or alcahol, but Im very addictive to anything that makes me happy.
Drugs and alcahol dont make me happy, but when they replace the pain of normal life then thats what makes me happy.
I am not convinced that I need medacine to fight my depression, the pot worked fine and made me believe my depression is actually me hiding from reality.
I was actaully doing pretty well as far as the depression goes until I have just recently become unhappy with smoking pot all day and not being able to pass a drug test.
In my line of work i have taken numerous drug test, and passed.
So I believe the test is not the issue other than I never passed with my pee.
I want to beat my addiction and feel I have my depression under control (or atleast before i quit pot), I know it can be done.
The support I guess is what I am seeking here, and hints and guidance.
I cant feel that Im sober now (even though I havnt smoked pot in 3 weeks) I have been back taking my anxiety meds, sometimes even abusing them.
I feel I am so near sober that I can do it on my own but not alone....
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Old 07-17-2011, 07:46 PM
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Originally Posted by MycoolFitz View Post
I too took myself of my antidepressants in favor of self-medication. It seemed to work in the short run but in the long run I was just a addicted depressed person. Seeing your doc or shrink is a good idea. Also getting off whatever crutches you're relying on. In the long run its the only way to be able to walk again. You may want to look into AA or NA, check out some other posts here, see a counselor, a lot of things to explore but if you keep yourself self-medicated its difficult to see and act clearly. Sometimes pain and discomfort existe to warn us we need to take action.
I think the self medication is my addiction, and I need to learn to take the correct route to deal with pain and discomfort.
I honestly dont think I am that depressed when things are "normal" and if I can manage to make my new normal sobriety, then I think the depression symptoms will reduce again.
I think I am making good progress, but today was horrible and it made me look into what others go through to kick an addiction.
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Old 07-17-2011, 07:56 PM
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I am not convinced that I need medacine to fight my depression, the pot worked fine and made me believe my depression is actually me hiding from reality.
I was actaully doing pretty well as far as the depression goes until I have just recently become unhappy with smoking pot all day and not being able to pass a drug test.
In my line of work i have taken numerous drug test, and passed.
So I believe the test is not the issue other than I never passed with my pee.
I think the self medication is my addiction, and I need to learn to take the correct route to deal with pain and discomfort.
You sound pretty conflicted, name.

I think most of us are - I made up excuses and reasons to keep my self medication going, for sure.

If you want support to get free of addiction, you'll find a lot of it here.

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Old 07-17-2011, 08:03 PM
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Oh more in common, I was also diagnosed General Anxiety Disorder and PTSD. I've seen shrinks and been on meds and various treatments but until I got clean and sober it was just spinning wheels, especially when I lied to my doctors (and, of course, myself.) Currently I'm recovering and relying on various support, including SR. I put myself on a nutrient rich diet and exercise and meditation program, came clean with my doctor and am doing better than I ever imagined. With sobriety everything started to make sense and fall into place. It can be horrible in the short run--I never want to detox again, I even suffered through Alcoholic Hallucinosis. all the more reason to stay the course. Do whatever it takes with whoever it takes to kick the addiction, in the long run it will be worth everything.
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Old 07-17-2011, 08:08 PM
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Ok I think I understand what your saying,
but I am not wanting to keep up my self medication.
What I can admit that has started to happen is instead of quittting "cold turkey" I have been searching for anything but my d.o.c. and total sobriety.
But I want to stop that as well, I know I can and maybe I am searching for someone or something to reassure me that I can.
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Old 07-17-2011, 08:12 PM
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Look in the mirror and reassure the only one that truely matters.
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Old 07-17-2011, 08:13 PM
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Originally Posted by MycoolFitz View Post
I've seen shrinks and been on meds and various treatments but until I got clean and sober it was just spinning wheels, especially when I lied to my doctors (and, of course, myself.)

. Do whatever it takes with whoever it takes to kick the addiction, in the long run it will be worth everything.
Yes this is my feelings in words.
I dont think I need the doctors or self medication in the long run, its just the getting through the hard short run to total sobriety.
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