Letter to Prosecutor asking not to press charges
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: virginia
Posts: 28
Letter to Prosecutor asking not to press charges
My name is Sarah. I am writing this letter in support of my husband, Cody, in his personal quest to stop commiting crimes and abusing drugs.
I have a Bachelors of the Arts degree in English with honors from the State University of New York at Buffalo. In 2007, I completed my Masters Degree in Philosophy from the NYU in New York, NY. Growing up, I spent my time buried in books and making projects, whatever it took to avoid the reality of my home life. I had to fight to get to where I am now, living across from the ocean in Virginia Beach. I had to fight to get out of NY but mostly I had to fight myself, my self-doubt, my lack of confidence, my behavior that kept me stuck. Currently I support myself working at a national mortgage servicing company but I am preparing my graduate thesis for publication. I have a friend in NYC who just started a small publishing company. That’s what I try to share with Cody. No matter how hard the struggle is, that feeling of small personal success is worth it.
Ever since I decided to be Cody’s friend in Seattle, I saw he went through the same personal hardships but just far more extreme and out of control. Two weeks after I moved to Seattle from NY in 2007, Cody moved in across the hall. I avoided him for several months as I had a sense he had some troubles but one day he insisted we go for a walk in the park a block away from where we lived. He lit up a joint and then the police showed up on bikes and they took him away. My father is a very religious person and thought I should go with an acquaintance to visit Cody in jail, maybe I could help him. That began a several year sojourn that culminated in my marrying Cody.
In Seattle, I used to check his pulse or sometimes hold my finger under his nose to make sure he was still alive. Acquaintances in Seattle would tell me about fights, stealing, drug runs, and so forth. Right before I kicked him out for the last time, he came home and told me that he had almost died from an overdose of acid the night before. Cody was clearly shaken by his experience but it seemed like death was merely a metaphor to him.
Two months later, back in NY, I realized I really did not want Cody to die. This was a person who had sat down in front of me in Seattle and told me he would never give up on me. So I got on a plane and that summer, Cody tried to kill himself with GHB and was unconscious in Swedish Medical Center for a few days. He then tried to kill himself by jumping off a bridge into shallow water. He also tried jumping out of my car at 60 mph on a major highway, all the while screaming and violently pulling his hair out in clumps. I convinced him to come back with me to NY where he was admitted several times to a psychiatric facility as well as a dual diagnosis center outside of NYC. After that didn’t take hold, we went to Alabama where a church took us in. That seemed to really help for awhile but Cody broke his foot on a construction job and got hooked on the painkillers the hospital gave him. One night in Alabama, he broke every window in the house, turned over the fridge and then went into the bathroom where he tried to cut his wrists. After Alabama, we made our way back to Washington where we were were subsequently hit head on in my car by a van. At this point, I had always been the strong silent partner, witnessing Cody and his behavior and trying to intervene but it was clear to me that he was deadset on being self-destructive. So in 2009, I decided to leave Washington and Cody and moved to Virginia Beach where I got a job and made my own life.
But 2011 seems to be the year of small sweet miracles. Earlier this year, I heard from Cody when he was in jail in Thurston County. He told me how much my efforts, driving him across the country, all the rehabs and everything, meant to him. He wanted to get better, he said repeatedly, but it became clear after his release from Thurston County jail that he really didn’t know how to begin. In 2007-2009, I only got very small glimpses of any sign of recognition that he even had a problem. Now, in 2011, Cody talks very candidly about being a drug addict, about robbing and stealing to feed his addiction, about how he might die from the seizures he has from his heroin use, etc. Yet he is so conditioned with his behaviors. He just keeps doing the same things over and over again, and he now painfully recognizes that this cycle will not be broken until he is able to get into long term treatment.
Cody is an incredible burden to your community. He does not have any real life skills. He has never really held down a job nor has he ever filed taxes. He has always been on food stamps or some sort of state support. He has not been able to pay child support, etc. He feels that he will never be able to do these things until he gets long term professional help. He is ready to go to short term rehab through DOC and then a 3 month rehab through Adatsa. After that is completed, he wants to enter into a long term rehab (year or more) here in Virginia, the Farley Center in Williamsburg, 30 minutes north of where I live.
After everything I have witnessed with Cody, to hear him quietly say he wants to live, that he doesn’t want this life for himself anymore, truly is miraculous. To be honest, the opportunity to write this letter is incredibly surreal. This is the first time I am not fighting Cody but fighting with Cody. To help someone fight for their life is an honor which is why I married Cody.
My plea for long term commitment to a rehab facility in Virginia is in no way an attempt to vanquish Cody’s responsibility for the crimes he has commited. I also understand that someone like myself and this whole relationship probably seems unbelievable. The hospital staff at Swedish Medical Center thought so too when they came by his room to bear witness to me reading my Master’s thesis to an intibated unconscious Cody. I would be more than willing to have a Skype/video conference call with you or even make arrangements to come out and meet with you.
Hopefully by the time you read this letter, Cody will be in short term rehab through DOC.
He is writing a letter in like-kind for you so that you can also witness what I hear and see now on a daily basis, someone who is struggling to begin their life. Trust me, it is pretty amazing.
Thank you
I have a Bachelors of the Arts degree in English with honors from the State University of New York at Buffalo. In 2007, I completed my Masters Degree in Philosophy from the NYU in New York, NY. Growing up, I spent my time buried in books and making projects, whatever it took to avoid the reality of my home life. I had to fight to get to where I am now, living across from the ocean in Virginia Beach. I had to fight to get out of NY but mostly I had to fight myself, my self-doubt, my lack of confidence, my behavior that kept me stuck. Currently I support myself working at a national mortgage servicing company but I am preparing my graduate thesis for publication. I have a friend in NYC who just started a small publishing company. That’s what I try to share with Cody. No matter how hard the struggle is, that feeling of small personal success is worth it.
Ever since I decided to be Cody’s friend in Seattle, I saw he went through the same personal hardships but just far more extreme and out of control. Two weeks after I moved to Seattle from NY in 2007, Cody moved in across the hall. I avoided him for several months as I had a sense he had some troubles but one day he insisted we go for a walk in the park a block away from where we lived. He lit up a joint and then the police showed up on bikes and they took him away. My father is a very religious person and thought I should go with an acquaintance to visit Cody in jail, maybe I could help him. That began a several year sojourn that culminated in my marrying Cody.
In Seattle, I used to check his pulse or sometimes hold my finger under his nose to make sure he was still alive. Acquaintances in Seattle would tell me about fights, stealing, drug runs, and so forth. Right before I kicked him out for the last time, he came home and told me that he had almost died from an overdose of acid the night before. Cody was clearly shaken by his experience but it seemed like death was merely a metaphor to him.
Two months later, back in NY, I realized I really did not want Cody to die. This was a person who had sat down in front of me in Seattle and told me he would never give up on me. So I got on a plane and that summer, Cody tried to kill himself with GHB and was unconscious in Swedish Medical Center for a few days. He then tried to kill himself by jumping off a bridge into shallow water. He also tried jumping out of my car at 60 mph on a major highway, all the while screaming and violently pulling his hair out in clumps. I convinced him to come back with me to NY where he was admitted several times to a psychiatric facility as well as a dual diagnosis center outside of NYC. After that didn’t take hold, we went to Alabama where a church took us in. That seemed to really help for awhile but Cody broke his foot on a construction job and got hooked on the painkillers the hospital gave him. One night in Alabama, he broke every window in the house, turned over the fridge and then went into the bathroom where he tried to cut his wrists. After Alabama, we made our way back to Washington where we were were subsequently hit head on in my car by a van. At this point, I had always been the strong silent partner, witnessing Cody and his behavior and trying to intervene but it was clear to me that he was deadset on being self-destructive. So in 2009, I decided to leave Washington and Cody and moved to Virginia Beach where I got a job and made my own life.
But 2011 seems to be the year of small sweet miracles. Earlier this year, I heard from Cody when he was in jail in Thurston County. He told me how much my efforts, driving him across the country, all the rehabs and everything, meant to him. He wanted to get better, he said repeatedly, but it became clear after his release from Thurston County jail that he really didn’t know how to begin. In 2007-2009, I only got very small glimpses of any sign of recognition that he even had a problem. Now, in 2011, Cody talks very candidly about being a drug addict, about robbing and stealing to feed his addiction, about how he might die from the seizures he has from his heroin use, etc. Yet he is so conditioned with his behaviors. He just keeps doing the same things over and over again, and he now painfully recognizes that this cycle will not be broken until he is able to get into long term treatment.
Cody is an incredible burden to your community. He does not have any real life skills. He has never really held down a job nor has he ever filed taxes. He has always been on food stamps or some sort of state support. He has not been able to pay child support, etc. He feels that he will never be able to do these things until he gets long term professional help. He is ready to go to short term rehab through DOC and then a 3 month rehab through Adatsa. After that is completed, he wants to enter into a long term rehab (year or more) here in Virginia, the Farley Center in Williamsburg, 30 minutes north of where I live.
After everything I have witnessed with Cody, to hear him quietly say he wants to live, that he doesn’t want this life for himself anymore, truly is miraculous. To be honest, the opportunity to write this letter is incredibly surreal. This is the first time I am not fighting Cody but fighting with Cody. To help someone fight for their life is an honor which is why I married Cody.
My plea for long term commitment to a rehab facility in Virginia is in no way an attempt to vanquish Cody’s responsibility for the crimes he has commited. I also understand that someone like myself and this whole relationship probably seems unbelievable. The hospital staff at Swedish Medical Center thought so too when they came by his room to bear witness to me reading my Master’s thesis to an intibated unconscious Cody. I would be more than willing to have a Skype/video conference call with you or even make arrangements to come out and meet with you.
Hopefully by the time you read this letter, Cody will be in short term rehab through DOC.
He is writing a letter in like-kind for you so that you can also witness what I hear and see now on a daily basis, someone who is struggling to begin their life. Trust me, it is pretty amazing.
Thank you
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Pretty amazing story. No matter how Cory's story goes, this Friends and Family forum is for you because being in close proximity to an active addict is not for weanies and neither is being in close proximity to someone in early recovery for weanies.
One of the best ways you can help Cory is to come here for yourself and also, for yourself, start going to Alanon and/or Naranon meetings in your area. Again, Cory would not be going to those meetings because they are for you, the family member of an addict (in recovery or not).
Welcome to SR!!
One of the best ways you can help Cory is to come here for yourself and also, for yourself, start going to Alanon and/or Naranon meetings in your area. Again, Cory would not be going to those meetings because they are for you, the family member of an addict (in recovery or not).
Welcome to SR!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR Sarah......I'm glad you found this forum.
That is quite a story.....a life...that you and Cody have lived. I hope that he gets the help he needs and is able to stay with the long term treatment plan that he has in front of him.
You've been able to accomplish so much during this time in spite of the turmoil that was going on around you. That is very commendable. Tell us how you are doing. Are you holding up ok through all of this? Have you sought support for yourself? Or are you carrying this burden alone?
This is a wonderful forum full of people who have experiences very much like yours. The stories are all different but all the same. It is very difficult to watch people we love struggle with addiction. But there are things that we can do for ourselves that help us. You may already be doing those things....if so....that's great. If not, there are resources for people like us.
You are not alone.
gentle hugs
ke
That is quite a story.....a life...that you and Cody have lived. I hope that he gets the help he needs and is able to stay with the long term treatment plan that he has in front of him.
You've been able to accomplish so much during this time in spite of the turmoil that was going on around you. That is very commendable. Tell us how you are doing. Are you holding up ok through all of this? Have you sought support for yourself? Or are you carrying this burden alone?
This is a wonderful forum full of people who have experiences very much like yours. The stories are all different but all the same. It is very difficult to watch people we love struggle with addiction. But there are things that we can do for ourselves that help us. You may already be doing those things....if so....that's great. If not, there are resources for people like us.
You are not alone.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: virginia
Posts: 28
thank you
My ability to get through all that was because I did not feel. Looking back, I was like a traffic cop, pointing Cody in the right direction.
Now, after the time apart and me being able to take care of myself, it really hurts. Tomorrow he is getting released from jail (again) in Washington and going right back to the house and to the woman he did drugs with, robbed houses with, etc. He truly feels he is going to be able to say goodbye, walk away and go into treatment through the department of corrections.
I can hear in his voice that facing recovery is terrifying to him. He also finds the reality of our relationship terrifying. He intellectually knows and said to me on the phone tonight that this marriage, that I think he will get clean and see the truth.
And yes that it what I believe, I know it, I feel it... it is in the steps. That as he becomes cleans and begins to feel and heal himself... he will find God. But that is his choice... just like it was my choice to leave him and not sacrifice myself. Not lose my job, lose my money, lose my health trying to keep him alive when he is not choosing himself.
All of these things are incredibly hard. I'm married to him, I feel that, I know what it means. I need to wait and let God guide him and if he refuses God again then I know where I need to go. But I think there is still a lot of hope, even if I am having a hard time finding it right now. I wish I could call into work tomorrow and just sleep but I know that is sacrificing myself, that is no good.
Now, after the time apart and me being able to take care of myself, it really hurts. Tomorrow he is getting released from jail (again) in Washington and going right back to the house and to the woman he did drugs with, robbed houses with, etc. He truly feels he is going to be able to say goodbye, walk away and go into treatment through the department of corrections.
I can hear in his voice that facing recovery is terrifying to him. He also finds the reality of our relationship terrifying. He intellectually knows and said to me on the phone tonight that this marriage, that I think he will get clean and see the truth.
And yes that it what I believe, I know it, I feel it... it is in the steps. That as he becomes cleans and begins to feel and heal himself... he will find God. But that is his choice... just like it was my choice to leave him and not sacrifice myself. Not lose my job, lose my money, lose my health trying to keep him alive when he is not choosing himself.
All of these things are incredibly hard. I'm married to him, I feel that, I know what it means. I need to wait and let God guide him and if he refuses God again then I know where I need to go. But I think there is still a lot of hope, even if I am having a hard time finding it right now. I wish I could call into work tomorrow and just sleep but I know that is sacrificing myself, that is no good.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Now is a good time to continue with your recovery by contacting a lawyer to find out how vulnerable you are to his actions (debts, new loans he can take out, lawsuits, etc) even though you are not living together.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome to SR, melon. He is choosing his own path and his journey of addiction continues. His talk of rehab is just that until his actions take him there. I know that sounds harsh, but it's how it works.
You have spent a lot of time and energy on him, maybe it's time to find your own support and begin to heal. Many of us found Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA to be good fellowships that helped us put our lives back together.
I wish you well, and hope your future brings you the happiness you deserve.
Hugs
You have spent a lot of time and energy on him, maybe it's time to find your own support and begin to heal. Many of us found Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA to be good fellowships that helped us put our lives back together.
I wish you well, and hope your future brings you the happiness you deserve.
Hugs
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