aerain

My AH is depressed. He has laid on the couch for the past 3 days-sleeping on and off-completely out of it. He isn't drinking much, hasn't been to the Liquor store since Thursday, so I know he's out of booze. Says he's depressed. Has been on an anti-depressant for several months, but not taking it. Says he doesn't like the way it makes him feel. Has been seeing a therapist for months, but still drinking. She told him the therapy wouldn't work if he was still drinking...keeps drinking anyway.

I am so frustrated!!! We will be out of money in about 2 weeks, he works from home, on commission, but hasn't sold anything, since he lost his job mid-May. Got a small check from the old job on Friday, but we will be out of money soon. Lost his job because of "punctuality" and missing so much work-he's "sick" alot. Told him they would fire him and they did. He's had about 6 jobs in the past year-

He doesn't care-can't do anything, I want to choke him. I am tired of worrying and being the only responsible adult in this realtionship!

Don't know what to do-I know I can't make him care...I just need some help-

Thanks-

AcceptingChange

hi aerain,
Thats a tough situation. we go into these marriages expecting the behavior of the person to remain the same. But then, partners change.

you said you "don't know what to do". One place i would look is on Amazon.com. Do some searches for "spouses of the depressed" and "marriage with a depressed person". After a few searches, you'll find books with some suggestions.
It's tough for you to know what to do, because it's your first time in this situation. Some of the authors, many of them marriage counselors with a lot of experience helping others in this situation, can share what worked for them and what they saw didn't work.

i wish you all the best.

aerain

Thanks, have searched on the web a bit. A book sounds like a good idea. Especially if it's big!

Freedom1990

There's not much to be done about his depression as the drinking fuels his depression. Alcohol is a depressant.

It doesn't sound as though he's going to be stable for an income, so what can be your next step?

Is this an okay way for you to live?

aerain

No, it's not. I am sick of always being worried, waiting for the "other shoe to drop." He hasn't provided for his family monetarily in years...emotionally...physically...any way. I am not getting any younger and am ready to...don't know exactly. Think we need to sell our home. It's not worth it to me anymore. Having all this stuff, don't care, never really cared, but here it is...now I have all this stuff...would rather live in a box, w/o the AH-have 2 kids, 20 & 17, they both have a foot out the door...3 dogs.....don't know what i'll do...I just don't think all this stuff is worth holding on to. My sanity and my happiness is more important-

Thanks,

Freedom1990

Hang on to those thoughts, dear!

I can't tell you how much better life is for me sans an active alcoholic in my home. I have 6 dogs myself, and we have a pretty good life. The only person I answer to is me, and I sure as heck am not supporting someone else.

Life's too short to not pursue a life that is full and provides a reasonable amount of happiness.

It's never too late for you to change course and do what you need to do for you!