HowIWonder

Hi,

I am going to be married soon. My fiance has gone through severe depression and alcoholism but is addressing both. He has been sober for three years and is in therapy. His mother is bi-polar. My father has a history of depression, but I have no history of addictions or depression. My fiance and I have discussed having children. However, he is afraid of what he might pass on to our kids, such as propensity to addiction and vulnerability to depression. Does anyone have any advice you might give to us? I have thought for a while that I could be happy with adopting, but I'm just not sure anymore. I know this might be more of a clinical question, but I was hoping that some folks here might have wise words to share.

Thanks,
HowIWonder

Anna

I think all of us come with a propensity for some disease or another. Whether or not we actually get it is not a sure thing. I think for addiction you need more than a genetic predisposition. I think you need issues in your life to come together too. And, if you adopt, there is no guarantee than an adopted child will or will not develop a disease. It's the nature vs nurture argument.

CarolD

Only guessing here....but one's DNA is what makes up the person we become....and includes both dominate and recessive genes.

While I think some physical abnormalities or conditions can be acessed before birth I've not heard of any that can be done before conception

You really do need information from a geneticist IMO I have no clue how to find one.

Welcome...hope the 2 of you find your ansers.. .. .

Dee74

Welcome howIwonder

all I can do is share with you my family's history - my mothers family are prone to alcoholism...but she herself is not.

My fathers family has no alcoholism.

I became an alcoholic but my sister is a normal drinker (one or two very rarely) and my brother is a former heavy drinker - who happily gave it up without a problem when he started a family.

Like Anna, I believe there's more to the equation than simple genetics

I hope you and your fiance can work out your concerns - I wish you both a long ad happy future

D

parentrecovers

you could discuss these concerns with your fiance's therapist, he or she should be able to shed some light.

welcome!

Terminally Unique

I wouldn't worry too much about a propensity towards addiction. As far as I know, no one in my family has had any issues with addiction, and yet here I am. I would focus on educating your children about drugs and alcohol when the time comes rather than letting society do it.

Cerberus

My husband is bipolar and he is adopted. I do suffer from depression. We asked these questions too before deciding to have children. After a lot of discussions, we realized that there are no guarantees and, alcohol issues aside, which we are working on now, if either of our kids do inherit any of these conditions we would be in the best position to help them because we have gone through and are effectively managing these illnesses. Many people, especially bipolar kids, are misdiagnosed as my husband was and valuable treatment time is lost. Knowing what to look for, what to expect, could actually be beneficial.

It is not an easy decision, but it is a good thing you are thinking about this now and hopefully discussing it together.

Best of luck to you.

EmeraldRose

Well, I was adopted and I'm an alcoholic. If my adoptive parents knew I'd end up this way I'm sure they'd have done everything in their power to correct it. But when I was adopted they only asked if they minded having a baby with indian blood -they didn't ask if they minded a baby with an alcoholic history! LOL
Ironically, my (adoptive) Dad's sister was a heavy alcoholic and her daughter who is also adopted drinks too much. I'm not sure if she's 'technically' an alcoholic or not.
So I can't see as where adoption lessens your chances of getting a bad seed or not. I would think if you were worried about it you'd have your own because you know most of the history. That is so much more productive when trying to help a child with a problem.
When asked of my history I always have to say I have no idea. Not very helpful. And kind of a hole in the heart kind of feeling.

GoodbyeJose

My father was an alcoholic.

I'm an alcoholic.

I adopted a boy, and I can already see tell tale signs (hopefully just projection) that he (and his bio-brothers, who I have met) that addiction is something they'll have to deal with too.

You can never be 100% certain. At least with your own genetic code running the show, you'll know what you're getting in for!

HowIWonder

Thank you! I appreciate the advice. I had not thought about it from the perspective of having more experience with these issues and "knowing what we're in for," but I suppose that's true. I think we definitely will see his therapist together as well. We haven't done that yet, but I think it would be beneficial for us both.