emmy78

Hi I am new here but need some advice and or support since I am all alone in this journey to quit methadone. I've been taking 20-30mg tablets of methadone for about 2-3 years. At first I took Vicodin then norco then switched to methadone since it was cheaper lasted longer and easier to get. And had no acetaminophen in it which high doses made me sick. Mentally I denied I was an addict because it just felt like I was taking vitamins or something. Some days I could skip a day, later to find out it stays in your system so long. At first I liked the high I would get but after some time I didn't feel high anymore. I tried 40mgs once and it made me feel weird and I didn't like the feeling. There were a few times I was out for 2-4 days. They were hell. I walked myself to the hospitals ER because I was so sick and having severe panic/anxiety attacks. They gave me some ativan and I felt better and actually slept which I hadn't done in 4 days. I was able to get more dones the next day and immediately was fine and back to myself. Currently I'm at the point in my life where mentally I'm done with methadone. I don't want to rely on it to get me going and get things done.
It really felt more like an anti depressent to me. Basically it help me feel self confident, not lazy, happy and motivated. But on the flip side I know it's wrong and expensive and not good for me, so I decided to quit. I have lost so many things, jobs, family, friends any myself from this drug so its time to get my life together.
I read and know about all the horror stories of coming off of methadone so I carefully planned out a taper routine to try and make it easier. I went from 30 to 20 to 10 in a few weeks. With no side effects except a little depression. Once I was at 10 I figured piece of cake, its only 1 pill at 10mgs... I was wrong and decided to go down slower one to two weeks on 10 then down to 7.5 then down to five. I wanted to go from 5 to 2.5 to 1 but I ran out and didn't have any money to buy more. So for the last week or two I was only taking 5mgs. I know theless u take the easier it is to withdrawal and I was definitely afraid of withdrawal.
As of right now I am 5 days sober with no methadone. It feels good but at the same time I still hurt. I get the chills, headaches, anxiety, iritabilty,insomnia,massive leg and body aches....etc
I think my only saving grace is my will power, the help of suppliments(gaba, amino acids, 5-htp, vitamin c, multi vitamin, st.jons wart, magnesium, motrin, Valium, b3,b6, good food and benedrl,hot tubs/ baths, good books,exercise,my journal, praying and eating healthy.. I never thought I'd make it this far. I know its only 5 days but it seems likean eternity. The worst withdrawal I've had is purely mental plus not being able to relax or sleep, chills and feeling alone since I have no one to talk good help support me... what I want to know is when will I feel normal again? When will I go to sleep natrually and not have any paws. My muscles ache and I'm so depressed. I know the good will out weigh the bad but this is killer. I try to excersize but its hard to find motivation. I feel so alone. Any advice would be helpful. Thank u and God bless.

MemphisBlues

I pray you have the resources to get some medical assistance in your recovery. As for the loneliness, are you physically capable of attending an NA or AA meeting in your area? Beyond seeing a doctor for the physical symptoms, I think you would find NA or AA a critical step in addressing the head issues.

Good luck. Hang out here and post. It helps me wonders. And a lot of us are here to help you.

My physical withdrawal from booze and a mountain of benzos landed me in the hospital. I share that only to let you know that you can go through heck and still remain sobriety. For me, that's an entire nine months. That's nothing to the sobriety I find in NA and AA meetings, but it's still a miracle. Maybe like your five days?

parentrecovers

glad you found us, emmy78. you're not alone now - you have all the folks here.

keep reaching out, k

nandm

to SR. You are never alone here.

Dee74

I posted on your other thread but welcome to Newcomers Emmy

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emmy78

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I can't say it's been an easy road to recovery but I have mad it 29 days with no methadone. The harsh withdraws are pretty much gone. Ive lost 20 pounds because I have no appetite and really bad lower GI issues, not sure if this is part of the recovery or not.. I feel weak and have to force myself to eat. I still have little motivation but each day gets a little better. My Dr. put me on Clonidine for with draws which is a blood pressure medicine and Valium for insomnia and anxiety.. The first 2 weeks were the hardest, I even had suicide thoughts which I've never had... I'm off the Clonodine and only take the valium as needed, once or twice a week... I got 2 jobs which keep me pretty busy which helps.. I still haven't gone to a meeting, I want to but just haven't made the effort.. guess I'm still scared... Does anyone have any recommendations for books to read on living sober for ex- Narcotic users?

Thanks,
Emmy

sugarbear1

Get to a meeting. You aren't and won't be alone.

Dee74

congratulations on day 29 Emmy

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1undone

29 days is great! But that loneliness can get you into trouble - I know all too well. I think the NA meetings would do you a world of wonder in that respect. A whole room of people who understand you! When I went to my first AA meeting i was a HOT MESS! LOL I had a group full of people who were happy to meet me and welcomed me with open arms. I still have my moments as you will see here from my posts but I would still be drinking every day without AA. I can say that with 100% certainty! Please don't isolate yourself if you don't have to. Welcome to the boards! Maybe this is your first step in reaching out, it was for me.

whatever53

Hello there! I have posted two threads and have not seen either of them come up. I am new on here and don't really know what or how to post my story to get help from withdrawal systems from oxycodones. It's been since Aug. 2 and I'm still not doing very well at all. Please reply and help me get my story posted so I can get some responses, not medical advice. Just help from all the great peoples' stories I've read on here. Great site!!

sugarbear1

Welcome!

There are also other threads for substance abuse and I think for meth. I have no experience with this, but others have been where you are at. I don't know if it's the same as my alcohol addiction.

I wish you well