lady13

as some of you know i attended family week at the facility where my husband is...i walked in nervous, scared, detached, angry...you name it...i was absolutely dreading it...we had a visitation day before all the "fun" of family week began...the visit was horrible, so it just fueled my insecurity...the first day, i was still extremely shut down, extremely nervous...i didn't make eye contact really and i definitely wasn't smiling...i went to all the classes, went to all the meetings, watched all the videos, and had a sit down with a counselor...i held my breath ALL day...then came the homework...the homework that totally kicked my ass...feeling beaten and abused (emotionally), the second day came...once again i was shut down, detached, and scared...once again i held my breath all day...dreading the conjoint session that was coming at the end of the day, but once again i went to all the classes, i went to all the meetings, and i watched all the videos...nervously i walked into the conjoint session to "discuss" how the disease of addiction had hurt me...i mean really who would look forward to that...hands down the most painful experience of my life...i worked so hard to suppress all those feelings...what was this guy thinking making me relive the worst moments of my life? my husband and i sat across the room from each other...it was horrible, but eye opening...i realize how detached i had become (to an unhealthy extreme)...i realized how much i had shut down...then, then, my addict husband shows that he actually UNDERSTANDS what he has done to me and our family over the past 13 years and (wait for it) APOLOGIZED (genuinely too) for everything...while it didn't take anything away it validated all those feelings i have suppressed for all those years and suddenly i felt a little better...we actually talked outside of the session and we even laughed a little...by day 3 i will feeling better, a little more at ease, a little more comfortable with the other family members in the group, and a little less bitter with my husband...videos, lectures, classes, and meetings all day...then came the next conjoint session...it didn't go AS bad...we were still sitting across the room from each other, but not as far away from each other (it's a start)...today we communicated a little better than the day before...we said things that we had never said to each other...it was good...then, the last thing we did was a role playing "family" exercise...that exercise was AMAZING...that exercise changed my life...that exercise made all the figurative and abstract things that have been happening concrete, illustrated, and real...that was my first step on my path of recovery...absolutely amazing...but, it wasn't just me...it was as powerful for my husband and that was our first step on our path of recovery...the rest of the day we laughed...i relaxed...i connected and more importantly i let go of some of the pain...day 4 was the last day...i got there early...honestly i was giddy...i couldn't wait to see him (first time in a long time)...apparently he couldn't wait to see me...this was the first day he was waiting for me in the lobby...today, we laughed all day...today we were in love...today i didn't dread anything...today i went for a walk, by myself, for myself, without worrying about him one time (yay!)...today our conjoint session was AMAZING-we even sat next to each other on the couch...today i have hope....today everyone came to me and him (guests and counselors) to tell us what a difference they see in our body language since it started...today i realized i went to family week for him but i left family week for me...today he called not quite an hour after i left to tell me he missed me (first time since he's been there)...i heard a song on the radio on the way home (one republic's good life) and the chorus says "this could be a good life, this is gonna be a good good life" and without thinking out loud i said "yes, yes it is!" AH HA! first time in years i have even thought that i was going to have a good life, much less dared to believe it! i cried tears of joy all the way home...it was an amazing release..i got home and smashed my coffee cup i've used every morning for the past 4 years...it had a picture of a broken heart with the words still bitter written on it...i smashed it to smithereens because the ride home showed me i'm not bitter anymore...this is gonna be a good life....I'M GOING TO HAVE A GOOD GOOD LIFE-ME!! (my current marital situation is just an added bonus...today i am happy for ME-not because he's in treatment, not because he didn't use today, not because he was nice today...i am happy because of ME! if, your qualifier is in treatment please please please attend the family week...the education alone is priceless...i'm in no way implying that your experience will be like mine...i'm in no way implying that it will save a marriage but it could possibly save you (it works if you work it)...it could possibly change your life...you could possibly make friends for life (as i did)...it could possibly be the best decision you ever made (it was mine)...make no mistake, it's hard, it's really hard...it really hurts...like nothing has hurt before...but i am a better person...i am an independent person...i am on my path of recovery...from here on, every step i take will be on my path of recovery and that is priceless...so, in case you missed it...please please please attend family week...if you don't have a qualifier in treatment call a facility-see if they offer just an education class...the influx of knowledge in itself was a game changer for me...it started to make sense-logically...i am blessed and grateful to have had this opportunity...i am blessed and grateful to have begun my journey...i am blessed and grateful to have met the amazing people i did...

HopeAwaits

Lady,
I am so glad you found the strength in you to face the fear you had. And that you were able to gain and grow for you. As you said not for him or his recovery, BUT for you and yours!!

Freedom1990

I can appreciate the tough work that you did for family week! Good for you in reaping the benefits of all the activities for yourself!

Kindeyes

The facility your husband is in sounds like it has a wonderful program for families. I am so glad that it helped YOU!

I began my recovery at my son's first in patient recovery center. Like you, I learned so much and it set me on my path. I continue that journey in the rooms of Alanon and Naranon now because I have so much work to do on me and for me.

This is a new beginning for you.

gentle hugs
ke