StarShine

Well, took a big step for me and went to the first ACA meeting I have ever been to. I found it extremely beneficial. I think the step work for me is going to be a huge help. It was amazing to see all of my struggles, some of my behaviors, and a lot of my frustrations summed up in black and white in the ACA book...

I thought how I felt was so unique to my life experience with my family...that I was the only one...that the reason I have the reactions I do is because of me and my personality...Wow, what an eye opener.

There is relief in knowing I am not alone, there is relief in knowing there is clear and concise information to help me to get over some of the emotional hurdles I deal with, and get on to be able to clear some of those hurdles in life that feel impassable to me on most days...but at the same time it is a little disconcerting to suddenly understand the concept that it is not some innate personality characteristic that is unique to me...what do I do with this knowledge???

It makes me mourn what feels like many lost years in some respects to certain aspects of my life...like my career...it makes me sad that I wasn't ready to do this work earlier, because I sure would have rather gotten to the other side sooner than my early 40's.

It forces me to re-frame who I am and it is so entirely overwhelming in some respects that I can't even bite much off yet to work with because I am still trying to figure out how to wrap my mind around it and gain a new perspective...

BUT it is VERY exciting to me...the possibility of being me, only Better, and happier, and more able to relate to others and feel safe. To be able to put myself out there and finally take some big risks in my life because I am not feeling insecure about different things in my life...

So another journey begins down this road...I am grateful to SR and so many of your posts because it gave me added incentive and confidence to go to the meeting...

Onward and Upward!!!!

DesertEyes

wooo hooo StarShine good for you !!!

I'm glad you found the meeting and the book helpful, and glad that you decided to join us on SR as we all go on this journey.

Thanks for sharing

Mike

Soberpotamus

I'm an alcoholic posting in the regular threads on SR, but I'm also an ACOA... I've been wondering if I'd benefit from those meetings, or at least a book on ACOA.
Starshine... it's really amazing to read what you've learned about yourself from one meeting! Congrats... sounds like a huge eye opener for you.

My concern is that I have an eclectic, more secular approach to my recovery... I'm not into AA... would ACOA work for me?

Again... thanks for sharing your first meeting, Starshine... so happy it changed so much for you!

StarShine

Thanks DesertEyes and SoberJennie! I found it very helpful!

The meeting really helped me to get out of my obsessiveness in regards to whether my Mom and I will ever be able to be in relationship again as close as we were before. It helps me to stop focusing on her and start focusing on the work I can do myself. It felt good to finally take full responsibility for my reactions, to see where I need to grow, and understand too where she is coming from since there was someone present who was a recovering addict/alcoholic.

SoberJennie, I would say give it a try and see what you think. Where I am coming from is having had alcoholic family members, but not my parents growing up. My Mom is now leaning very hard on the wine, but tells herself stories like she doesn't pick up a glass until after 6 p.m., it is wine, not hard alcohol, and other justifications as to why she doesn't have a problem. I can see her personality changing though and I have had some disturbing interactions with her, like not being able to wake her out of passing out and then when she comes too she is obviously extremely out of it. The behaviors and emotional aspects that I observe are very much parallel to alcoholic behavior...

I tell you all of this to say that whether my Mom is an alcoholic or not, I can tell you that I definitely grew up in a very dysfunctional situation after my parent's divorce...other people have actually commented from the outside how dysfunctional the situation....SO for me I think whether alcohol ever became the issue or not with my relationships with my parents the dysfunction would have been enough to influence me in a similar way and thus a lot of my struggles are there...

As far as the Spiritual aspect SJennie, I can tell you in the literature as well as discussion when a Higher Power was referred to, it was in relationship to yourself and what your Spiritual beliefs may be. I was concerned about that too but for me it was comfortable and did not feel forced in that respect.

Thanks again for your 'a' da girls' in my direction, it really does help! I appreciate it so much and wish you both well with your journeys and recoveries!

tromboneliness

Well, it is a 12-step program, after all -- but I'm basically an atheist, and I go to a couple of meetings a week... it can work even if you're not too sure about God, or don't have one at all.

I get annoyed when I hear someone talk about "my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God," because when they say that, it sounds a little high-handed (not to say holier-than-thou ), but I guess it's all about how you translate the terminology into what works for you. I really don't have much of an idea what a Higher Power is -- just that I'm not it!

I've been going through the ACA workbook with a sponsor -- he grew up a Catholic, and we kind of banged heads a bit over whether or not a belief in God was necessary in order to work the program, before eventually reaching an understanding that I didn't, but feel that I have the same experiences that he attributes to God, just that I don't attribute them to God.

If you can deal with the 12-step stuff, ACA really has a lot to say about how us ACAs got to be the way we are, and what we need to do to get better. The red book is really good for that.

T