day 1-here I am and here I go..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 3
day 1-here I am and here I go..
hi,
so after a night of drinking, posting nasty comments on someones fb page, getting up late to work and feeling like hot death on my commute, again feeling shaky, depressed, hating myself and shame, I walked through the sunshine and said "----" this. I am not the person I am when drunk--which is a psychotic monster.
I lost a fiance, ended up with a loser who was also an alky, who was abusive and because of him lost my flat, spent a week in the hospital..but even after all this or because of this I drank. its made me do countless stupid ---- like texting, drunk emails, destroyed relationships..and i'm over it.
i just want to focus on school, lose this beer gut, widen my social circle and eventually be the person I want to be, and make better relationship choices.
everyday I want to drink i want to remember how I feel now..shaky, tired, no energy and full of self hate. I could use a hug right now..
so after a night of drinking, posting nasty comments on someones fb page, getting up late to work and feeling like hot death on my commute, again feeling shaky, depressed, hating myself and shame, I walked through the sunshine and said "----" this. I am not the person I am when drunk--which is a psychotic monster.
I lost a fiance, ended up with a loser who was also an alky, who was abusive and because of him lost my flat, spent a week in the hospital..but even after all this or because of this I drank. its made me do countless stupid ---- like texting, drunk emails, destroyed relationships..and i'm over it.
i just want to focus on school, lose this beer gut, widen my social circle and eventually be the person I want to be, and make better relationship choices.
everyday I want to drink i want to remember how I feel now..shaky, tired, no energy and full of self hate. I could use a hug right now..
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,448
(((Mishabear)))
I understand how you feel. I hated the person that I became when I drank. The good news is that you have made the decision to change your life and we are here to support you.
I understand how you feel. I hated the person that I became when I drank. The good news is that you have made the decision to change your life and we are here to support you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Isn't our remembering some kind of personal horror. Unless you have blackouts in which case someone else will gladly share their memory of horror with you. You'd think those rememberances alone would keep us sober but alcohol is cunning and hungry. Day one leads to day two, hang in there.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 227
Originally Posted by mishabear 
everyday I want to drink i want to remember how I feel now..shaky, tired, no energy and full of self hate. I could use a hug right now..
I'm on day 21 - it gets better.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome (((mishabear))) I gotta say I relate to that awful feeling of regret and shame. The really great part is you can put it all behind you. Put the alcohol down and look at yourself with pride again! Wake up and be refreshed in the morning. You can do it and we'll be here when you need us.
Best Wishes To You!
Best Wishes To You!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
((mishabear))
You can do this! I too like Anna, hated the person that I became when I tipped that can of bud down my throat repeatedly.
What I do whenever I think about having a beer is playing that tape over in my head. Those visions of police cars, handcuffs, mugshots and fingerprints stays with me.
Welcome and let all of us know how you are progressing.
You can do this! I too like Anna, hated the person that I became when I tipped that can of bud down my throat repeatedly.
What I do whenever I think about having a beer is playing that tape over in my head. Those visions of police cars, handcuffs, mugshots and fingerprints stays with me.
Welcome and let all of us know how you are progressing.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi and welcome - When I was drinking I lived totally superficially. By that I don't mean in the sense of values (being vain, wanting material things, etc.), but that my focus was on just trying to get through the day doing "stuff" and not letting anyone know what I really felt like inside or that I had a problem.
Once I came here and got the alcohol out of my system, my heart and soul started coming back, as well as feeling good about myself again. Please hang in there - it's so much better on the sober side!
Once I came here and got the alcohol out of my system, my heart and soul started coming back, as well as feeling good about myself again. Please hang in there - it's so much better on the sober side!
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