Down Today
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
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Down Today
Hesitated to even post this... I try to ride through my emotions, knowing they will pass.
For the past few days I've been on a downward trend. And I'm worried because I'm not getting much done... phone calls aren't getting made to take care of business, work isn't getting done (I work from home).
I'm drinking the hell out of diet drinks and this can't be helping. I feel like I'm stuck in a spiral going round and can't break out easily.
I'm also reading incessantly... for me, this can be avoidance behavior.
My bf and I walk every other night but I've been putting that off too. We've been bickering... I've been finding every fault in the world with him... chewing him out for not remembering where things are in the house. He has his issues that sometimes bother me, but it doesn't give me the right to be abusive. We've also argued about money and our future, he wants to stay close to his parents... I want to get the hell out of doge... like to the other side of the country.
This is day 14 for me and it's been easy. I don't want a drink, it's nothing like that. I just feel like I've hit a bump in the road, emotionally. What's going on? Just normal stuff?
For the past few days I've been on a downward trend. And I'm worried because I'm not getting much done... phone calls aren't getting made to take care of business, work isn't getting done (I work from home).
I'm drinking the hell out of diet drinks and this can't be helping. I feel like I'm stuck in a spiral going round and can't break out easily.
I'm also reading incessantly... for me, this can be avoidance behavior.
My bf and I walk every other night but I've been putting that off too. We've been bickering... I've been finding every fault in the world with him... chewing him out for not remembering where things are in the house. He has his issues that sometimes bother me, but it doesn't give me the right to be abusive. We've also argued about money and our future, he wants to stay close to his parents... I want to get the hell out of doge... like to the other side of the country.
This is day 14 for me and it's been easy. I don't want a drink, it's nothing like that. I just feel like I've hit a bump in the road, emotionally. What's going on? Just normal stuff?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Huntsville, AL
Posts: 40
Hi SoberJennie,
I think people generally cycle emotionally. Luckily you're not trashed on an emotional day which would probably lead to a good drunkle.
Today was my first struggle this week with my desire to drink, and I simply think it was tied to being tired from work. I think it's good you didn't have a struggle with drinking. Perhaps you're transcending it & that's a positive you can take with you today?
- nm1212
I think people generally cycle emotionally. Luckily you're not trashed on an emotional day which would probably lead to a good drunkle.
Today was my first struggle this week with my desire to drink, and I simply think it was tied to being tired from work. I think it's good you didn't have a struggle with drinking. Perhaps you're transcending it & that's a positive you can take with you today?
- nm1212
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Originally Posted by Zebra1275 
Did you just stop drinking? I found it necessary to work a program of recovery before things started getting better.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 478
Reading for avoidance. You soooo sound like me. I tend to hide behind analysis. I've been sober 15 months and I still have those blah days. I believe it's us dealing with life, and i believe it is very normal. Getting around others in our boat may help--I believe you mentioned WFS--do you have a meeting you can go to?
I'm gonna pm you something....hang in there.
I'm gonna pm you something....hang in there.
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Originally Posted by WritingFromLife
Reading for avoidance. You soooo sound like me. I tend to hide behind analysis. I've been sober 15 months and I still have those blah days. I believe it's us dealing with life, and i believe it is very normal. Getting around others in our boat may help--I believe you mentioned WFS--do you have a meeting you can go to?
I'm gonna pm you something....hang in there.
I'm gonna pm you something....hang in there.
Yes, hiding behind analysis. That's it. Exactly. I'm also hiding from people... LOL. I do actually have a face-to-face WFS meeting on Thursdays. I was planning to go last Thursday and just didn't. I did manage to get to the library and check out the book for a the monthly blook club meeting... that's next month though. But, it was a step in the right direction for me. If I'm going to hide behind books... at least I can try to drag myself to a book club meeting where actual humans are present to discuss the book, right? LOL.
I'll clear out my PM box... I just saw that it was nearly full
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Hey SJ. I wouldn't try to make any real decisions right now. I'm over three weeks and I'm stunned at how much the alcohol still affects my every move. It's very sad but it's true. You're very early in your recovery. Don't think too much. And I think it's fine if you keep reading all the time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 484
I'd say what you're going through is perfectly normal for this stage of your recovery. It isn't all going to get better very quickly. It takes time. You've gotta' get used to not being drunk all the time. I think you're actually starting to *gasp* feel emotions. Sometimes they are good, sometimes they are bad. But at least your not blotting everything out with drugs and alcohol.
It's okay to have bad days in sobriety, believe it or not. HAHA. I struggle with this too sometimes. That's what they talk about when they say, "Progression, not perfection."
Just some food for thought.
It's okay to have bad days in sobriety, believe it or not. HAHA. I struggle with this too sometimes. That's what they talk about when they say, "Progression, not perfection."
Just some food for thought.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Yea, even recovering people have their ups and downs. Even non-alcolholics experience mood swings its life. I found that not drinking I was just more aware of the swings and my sometimes less than perfect interactions. Drinking was like the first part of Wizard of OZ, lots of black and white, little definition. Now there's all sorts of color some I don't like. Its great that you are aware of what's going on and your interactions. It gives you some control of your journey down the Yellow Brick Road. Keep on keeping on.
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 178
Originally Posted by SoberJennie
Hesitated to even post this... I try to ride through my emotions, knowing they will pass.
For the past few days I've been on a downward trend. And I'm worried because I'm not getting much done... phone calls aren't getting made to take care of business, work isn't getting done (I work from home).
I'm drinking the hell out of diet drinks and this can't be helping. I feel like I'm stuck in a spiral going round and can't break out easily.
I'm also reading incessantly... for me, this can be avoidance behavior.
My bf and I walk every other night but I've been putting that off too. We've been bickering... I've been finding every fault in the world with him... chewing him out for not remembering where things are in the house. He has his issues that sometimes bother me, but it doesn't give me the right to be abusive. We've also argued about money and our future, he wants to stay close to his parents... I want to get the hell out of doge... like to the other side of the country.
This is day 14 for me and it's been easy. I don't want a drink, it's nothing like that. I just feel like I've hit a bump in the road, emotionally. What's going on? Just normal stuff?
For the past few days I've been on a downward trend. And I'm worried because I'm not getting much done... phone calls aren't getting made to take care of business, work isn't getting done (I work from home).
I'm drinking the hell out of diet drinks and this can't be helping. I feel like I'm stuck in a spiral going round and can't break out easily.
I'm also reading incessantly... for me, this can be avoidance behavior.
My bf and I walk every other night but I've been putting that off too. We've been bickering... I've been finding every fault in the world with him... chewing him out for not remembering where things are in the house. He has his issues that sometimes bother me, but it doesn't give me the right to be abusive. We've also argued about money and our future, he wants to stay close to his parents... I want to get the hell out of doge... like to the other side of the country.
This is day 14 for me and it's been easy. I don't want a drink, it's nothing like that. I just feel like I've hit a bump in the road, emotionally. What's going on? Just normal stuff?
Everyones history of drinking and serverity is diff't- so your feelings might not be the same as someone else. I suspect you are just dealing w/ life in general. You'll know when something 'real' is really bothering you, and it'll surface.
I think sometimes we think that by being 'sober' we can be merry and glee, well it is, given the clouded past, but being 'sober' allows you to actually face our challenges w/ a conscious mind.
Think positive, you are 'fretting' because you care. It's not like you are drunk and don't care. Remember that saying, " i rather have be mad at me, because at least I know your thinking about me'. etc.
Take Cares..
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You're learning how to deal with life and all its ups and downs without alcohol and it's not easy. Try to not get overwhelmed. Maybe you can choose a few goals each day and try to get those accomplished. I like what you said about walking. That was one of the things that saved me in the early days. Long walks after supper helped on so many levels.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 522
I'm starting again so I don't have any great advice, but I would like to echo what Missy and Anna said.
These very early days I think we should keep it simple. I strung together 20 something days last November just keeping it simple, and leaning on the good people here when I felt I wanted to climb up a wall.
Let's keep moving forward, one day at a time.
-SD
These very early days I think we should keep it simple. I strung together 20 something days last November just keeping it simple, and leaning on the good people here when I felt I wanted to climb up a wall.
Let's keep moving forward, one day at a time.
-SD
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Yes, I guess it's just life now. Sober.
I'm really one of those types to get in ruts easily... find a couple things that I'm "safe" with and stick to it... but then I'll get bored and try to change up the routine. I guess it's just complusion and maybe fear. I drank to deal with little things I guess, toward the end. I drank cause I was scared, bored, mad, happy, confused or undecided about something, overwhelmed... for any reason at all.
I need to learn to get out of my head and that it's ok to feel scared. I do not want to stay in my head the rest of my life, analyzing everything to death.
Afraid to make a move...
I'm really one of those types to get in ruts easily... find a couple things that I'm "safe" with and stick to it... but then I'll get bored and try to change up the routine. I guess it's just complusion and maybe fear. I drank to deal with little things I guess, toward the end. I drank cause I was scared, bored, mad, happy, confused or undecided about something, overwhelmed... for any reason at all.
I need to learn to get out of my head and that it's ok to feel scared. I do not want to stay in my head the rest of my life, analyzing everything to death.
Afraid to make a move...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 39
Are you tired, not sleeping? When I'm worn out from insomnia it seems like I am totally out of sorts, depressed, cranky. When I get rest, I have a much better outlook. H.A.L.T. is said to make one vulnerable to relapse.
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Originally Posted by Scrappy
Are you tired, not sleeping? When I'm worn out from insomnia it seems like I am totally out of sorts, depressed, cranky. When I get rest, I have a much better outlook. H.A.L.T. is said to make one vulnerable to relapse.
Yep, I remember HALT from a few years ago. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, right? It's so true with me... very sensitive in those states.
What I've been doing is either getting in my Jeep and going for a drive helps to get out of my head immediately. And sometimes soaking in a warm bath... but lately I've been taking the darn iPhone into the bath (yes, I know... not a good idea) and reading the forums... or taking books... it's like I can't shut off my brain! Seriously, I'm having a hard time shutting off the thoughts...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 39
SJ, boy do I understand the run away thoughts. I, too, have trouble shutting down. It can wear you out. Yep, you got HALT down.
A drive sounds great! (sober no worries about DWI, too). Walking is very good, too, because it takes the edge off and is a mood enhancer. Hang in there, we are right there with ya!!
A drive sounds great! (sober no worries about DWI, too). Walking is very good, too, because it takes the edge off and is a mood enhancer. Hang in there, we are right there with ya!!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
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Procrastination is a big problem for me, and losing myself in reading, either in book form or online forums, are a big time waster for me. OTOH, once upon a time, I used to work non-stop, and got a lot of work done when I was drinking only in the evenings. I would work hard and play hard, so to speak, because I knew that after work, which was no fun sometimes, I would be able to "relax" in the evening. I certainly had to replace the drinking with something, and I chose to read extensively again, which I had blown off for years getting drunk.
Might I suggest that you set aside a time in the evening, say, after 5 PM, for your reading? This way, you can look forward to your leisure time, which would be pre-scheduled. This is what I did, and while it isn't perfect, it does "take the edge off" so to speak, since I know that I have a time set aside for things I like. Most people tend to schedule only "boring" activities or things that they do not like to do, which causes anxiety or stress if you have a tendency to avoid doing things. Few people think to turn this upside-down in their day-to-day and schedule fun things instead, but it can alters your mindset somewhat. Try it.
I'm a bit reluctant to recommend this, since you may find another excuse to read and not do what you feel that you need to do, but there is a very good classic book on time management that has some good ideas. It is geared towards management, so I must warn you that it is a bit dry and boring, but many of the ideas are very sound and useful if you can incorporate them into your routine.
The Time Trap: The Classic Book on Time Management by Alec Mackenzie
You can buy it used online for about $1.
Might I suggest that you set aside a time in the evening, say, after 5 PM, for your reading? This way, you can look forward to your leisure time, which would be pre-scheduled. This is what I did, and while it isn't perfect, it does "take the edge off" so to speak, since I know that I have a time set aside for things I like. Most people tend to schedule only "boring" activities or things that they do not like to do, which causes anxiety or stress if you have a tendency to avoid doing things. Few people think to turn this upside-down in their day-to-day and schedule fun things instead, but it can alters your mindset somewhat. Try it.
I'm a bit reluctant to recommend this, since you may find another excuse to read and not do what you feel that you need to do, but there is a very good classic book on time management that has some good ideas. It is geared towards management, so I must warn you that it is a bit dry and boring, but many of the ideas are very sound and useful if you can incorporate them into your routine.
The Time Trap: The Classic Book on Time Management by Alec Mackenzie
You can buy it used online for about $1.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 413
Hope you're feeling better.
I've been feeling down too for no real reason whatsoever. Well I was until about 2 hours ago when I setup my MIDI keyboard and my desk and read parts of a book about alcoholism.
I'm on Day 10 myself at the minute. I don't like counting days, especially since I have OCD!
I've been feeling down too for no real reason whatsoever. Well I was until about 2 hours ago when I setup my MIDI keyboard and my desk and read parts of a book about alcoholism.
I'm on Day 10 myself at the minute. I don't like counting days, especially since I have OCD!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Sorry to hear that your feeling blue SJ.
I do think that it is natural. I think Carol hit on a good point with her comments about learning to deal with life without alcohol. This is all new for you/me/us.
I definitely went through a rough spot around the 14 day mark. Days 7-14 were so good....felt so strong and centred...almost euphoric. By day 14 I had lost my way a bit and simply got used to being sober. I fell back into some of my old routines...just without the alcohol.
It gets better though. Just hang in the Jennie.
I do think that it is natural. I think Carol hit on a good point with her comments about learning to deal with life without alcohol. This is all new for you/me/us.
I definitely went through a rough spot around the 14 day mark. Days 7-14 were so good....felt so strong and centred...almost euphoric. By day 14 I had lost my way a bit and simply got used to being sober. I fell back into some of my old routines...just without the alcohol.
It gets better though. Just hang in the Jennie.
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