Hi :)
Reaching Out
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1
Hi :)
Hello All
I am very thankful for this board, but also very frustrated and scared. I quit Suboxone a year and a half ago. I quit cigarettes, too. I was exercising, I got promoted at work and got a raise. I felt life was very, very good. I was considering marrying my boyfriend at the time and being a real grown-up.
Previously, I'd been a heroin addict at least twice rather severely, as well as a coke addict for nine months straight ... also a pothead and drunk for so many years I can't count them all. I've been intoxicated more often than not throughout my entire adult life, except for the first few months off of Suboxone, at which time I was completely sober. Then, I relapsed with alcohol and marijuana ...
A couple of months ago, I found myself leaving my stable long-term relationship for an unstable new relationship, and relapsing alongside the development of this new relationship.
My new boyfriend and I will be happy together for a few hours, or even a day or so, but then one of us will get scared and pull away, either physically or emotionally, or both, and I will get really afraid and use. He uses alcohol and marijuana very consistently, but not hard drugs like me. I use opiates primarily and lately, it's been Percocet in high doses.
We love each other very much but are incredibly damaged in some ways, and find it difficult to relate to one another in a way that is fun and care-free. I feel as though we are constantly either being very dramatic and heavy in our communication, or distant and cold.
We started out being very light and care-free, and loving each other without burden, but our relationship has turned from a place of solace and understanding to a place of tension and pain. Last night for the first time, I felt our disconnect so strongly that I left his house at 4am and cried myself to sleep at my place ............
I realize that a lot of my problems stem from my issues with intimacy, and that I use because of feelings of sadness and disconnect with those I love, but I don't know how to fix this problem.
I've tried NA and AA before, to very little avail, I don't know what to do, my sponsors have always turned out to be very difficult, with one of them actually confessing to me that she was being prescribed Lortab 10mg for a "bad back". Her DOC was opiates ... how is that even allowed in the program? I tried not to judge, but it changed the way that I saw her and the fellowship to an extent. My second sponsor was so emotionally reliant on me that I felt smothered, yet when I had a problem or needed to talk about my state of mind, she was mysteriously never there.
I know I have a lot of issues to work on, I also have a lot of trust issues, and I don't always believe that the people around me are good for me, in fact, many times in the fellowship I have worried that the people there would do more harm than good.
I guess that's it for now ... my love to all ....
I am very thankful for this board, but also very frustrated and scared. I quit Suboxone a year and a half ago. I quit cigarettes, too. I was exercising, I got promoted at work and got a raise. I felt life was very, very good. I was considering marrying my boyfriend at the time and being a real grown-up.
Previously, I'd been a heroin addict at least twice rather severely, as well as a coke addict for nine months straight ... also a pothead and drunk for so many years I can't count them all. I've been intoxicated more often than not throughout my entire adult life, except for the first few months off of Suboxone, at which time I was completely sober. Then, I relapsed with alcohol and marijuana ...
A couple of months ago, I found myself leaving my stable long-term relationship for an unstable new relationship, and relapsing alongside the development of this new relationship.
My new boyfriend and I will be happy together for a few hours, or even a day or so, but then one of us will get scared and pull away, either physically or emotionally, or both, and I will get really afraid and use. He uses alcohol and marijuana very consistently, but not hard drugs like me. I use opiates primarily and lately, it's been Percocet in high doses.
We love each other very much but are incredibly damaged in some ways, and find it difficult to relate to one another in a way that is fun and care-free. I feel as though we are constantly either being very dramatic and heavy in our communication, or distant and cold.
We started out being very light and care-free, and loving each other without burden, but our relationship has turned from a place of solace and understanding to a place of tension and pain. Last night for the first time, I felt our disconnect so strongly that I left his house at 4am and cried myself to sleep at my place ............
I realize that a lot of my problems stem from my issues with intimacy, and that I use because of feelings of sadness and disconnect with those I love, but I don't know how to fix this problem.
I've tried NA and AA before, to very little avail, I don't know what to do, my sponsors have always turned out to be very difficult, with one of them actually confessing to me that she was being prescribed Lortab 10mg for a "bad back". Her DOC was opiates ... how is that even allowed in the program? I tried not to judge, but it changed the way that I saw her and the fellowship to an extent. My second sponsor was so emotionally reliant on me that I felt smothered, yet when I had a problem or needed to talk about my state of mind, she was mysteriously never there.
I know I have a lot of issues to work on, I also have a lot of trust issues, and I don't always believe that the people around me are good for me, in fact, many times in the fellowship I have worried that the people there would do more harm than good.
I guess that's it for now ... my love to all ....
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,362
Hi lastchance2live
welcome to SR
I think support is very important no matter where you find it - you'll certainly find it here.
There are any number of recovery groups too - including but not limited to AA/NA
We also have a substance abuse forum you may want to look at as well
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
There's an exhaustive list of recovery groups as a 'sticky' post at the top of that forum
D
welcome to SR
I think support is very important no matter where you find it - you'll certainly find it here.
There are any number of recovery groups too - including but not limited to AA/NA
We also have a substance abuse forum you may want to look at as well
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
There's an exhaustive list of recovery groups as a 'sticky' post at the top of that forum
D
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Welcome to SR, LastChance 
There are all types here, all using different methods to stay sober.
I have a list of books I've read and am currently reading on my profile page, and I also use a couple of online programs (non-AA), this forum, and about to start group therapy and see how that goes...
Check out the Secular threads here, if you want. And of course, the AA threads if you wanna give that another go.
There are all types here, all using different methods to stay sober. I have a list of books I've read and am currently reading on my profile page, and I also use a couple of online programs (non-AA), this forum, and about to start group therapy and see how that goes...
Check out the Secular threads here, if you want. And of course, the AA threads if you wanna give that another go.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,886
Welcome to SR.Although getting clean/sober won't solve all your problems. It will help you get a solid base to work from.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
I had a lot of problems with trust issues too. For me, it was a result of growing up in a crazy, dysfunctional family. I believe, and it sounds simplistic, but I needed to learn to love and to like myself before I could let others in. I know that stopping the drinking/drugs is essential, but those are the symptoms. In recovery, we need to deal with the underlying issues.
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