Sylvie66

I'm having Big Feelings, and thought I'd share a little. I know that someone here has been where I am, and someone else is right behind me. Small comfort for big changes, but at least it's here. So thank you in advance.

I left my ABF in April, and his drinking has slowed down or stopped. He is still kind and loving 85% of the time. But last week, he was disrespectful again, and I haven't had contact with him since.

I get the message about alcoholism being progressive, but he was getting better, not worse. At the same time, it's only been 3 months since I left. And he hasn't admitted or denied alcoholism. And I deserve better than 85%. I deserve a partner that has values closer to mine.

I think about what it might be like for him: I was the only one he knew, literally, who had a problem with his drinking. He'd get sloppy, need a ride home, get belligerent.... and his family and friends would just be amused. He got a DUI? Hey, join the club, pal! And I'm just standing there shaking my head. So I think that maybe I wasn't good for him, either.

I'm desperately lonely and missing him. We had different schedules, so we would talk on the phone once or twice a day while I was on break at work. Now, I go outside, or call the kids. I need to call about using the car, but I just .walked. away from him a week ago. I don't know how to have a talk about needing the car without getting smacked with Drama. And I won't do that anymore.

I never broke up with someone I liked and loved. This is brutal. I know this is the right thing to do. I don't want to do it.

I am determined to save myself, though. I think it's time to rip the bandage off quick.

- Sylvie

roxiestone

Hugs, Sylvie.

I could have written every word that you did. So while I don't have any answers, what I keep telling myself is that I need/want more in a partner than an alcoholic who is not in serious, long-term recovery. That I will always be on the losing end of that deal. That it will always bother me and because of that - that I will erode the relationship. I won't be able to take it forever and that I need to walk away while one of us still has some dignity intact.

But it sucks, mightily. And then again, I no longer have to be on edge, on guard, on alert about the alcohol and the accompanying behaviors.

LexieCat

Hey, Sylvie,

I'm a big believer in the ripping-off-quick of bandages. In my experience, dragging things out prolongs the pain, and totally extinguishes any potential happy memories or residual good feelings about someone. I'd rather leave before I totally HATE someone, if that makes any sense.

Hugs,

fedup3

I'd rather leave before I totally HATE someone, if that makes any sense.

Lexie, what you said is so true.