Son Home from Rehab
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
Son Home from Rehab
Last Friday our son came home from his 30 day rehab. The counselor spoke well of his work in the center the last two weeks. Our son spoke of all he'd been learning from the 12 Steps. The counselor told my husband that should our son be tired and not want to make a meeting, not to jump to conclusions but if he gets defensive, tells us to mind our own business, then be concerned. Well, we didn't even get that far. He came home and decided he's not really an addict and doesn't belong in AA so he's not going.
Our son is feeling really good--no cravings now. That's what he says is the reason he doesn't consider himself an addict. Yes, he got hooked on vicodin which resulted in heroin use, too, but since he's not craving either (he never was much of a drinker so that's not an issue, either), he is thinking he got dependent on the drugs and needed rehab to break free, but now he's free he doesn't have a problem any longer (provided he never picks up drugs again in the future).
Well, we are in a pickle now. I have a feeling this is the lull before the storm.
Our son is feeling really good--no cravings now. That's what he says is the reason he doesn't consider himself an addict. Yes, he got hooked on vicodin which resulted in heroin use, too, but since he's not craving either (he never was much of a drinker so that's not an issue, either), he is thinking he got dependent on the drugs and needed rehab to break free, but now he's free he doesn't have a problem any longer (provided he never picks up drugs again in the future).
Well, we are in a pickle now. I have a feeling this is the lull before the storm.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 71
Is this his 1st time in rehab? If so, get ready...because in my experience...there will be MANY MANY more attempts to get clean....
Be prepared to spend everything and do everything to save him...
Heroin is evil..I have been dealing with it for 4+ years now with my 21 yr old AS.
If he says he doesn't have a problem with it...he is fooling himself and you
Be prepared to spend everything and do everything to save him...
Heroin is evil..I have been dealing with it for 4+ years now with my 21 yr old AS.
If he says he doesn't have a problem with it...he is fooling himself and you
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Well, his current mindset is a familiar one to me. It is known as denial.
Just to be safe, I'd put my helmet and waders on.
I have learned that if it sounds too good to be true, that just may be the case.
I,too,hope for the best for you and your family!
Just to be safe, I'd put my helmet and waders on.
I have learned that if it sounds too good to be true, that just may be the case.
I,too,hope for the best for you and your family!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
PS. One of the boundaries I had in place when I temporarily took my AD in several years ago was I was not going to live with someone not working a program of recovery. She did attend 12-step meetings. That was the only boundary she didn't back-peddle on.
She's no longer welcome in my home.
She's no longer welcome in my home.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
My son said that in rehab people told him that once he left the center he would start to have cravings. They told him 30 days was not nearly enough time. He told them the last week he was there he was expecting to feel cravings since that's what everyone said would happen--but nothing. Then he left the center on Friday and he expected the cravings to start. Nothing. Then Saturday--nothing. Sunday is when he told us he didn't want to go to AA since he didn't think he has the mental dependence on opiates. AA is for people both mentally and physically addicted (he admits he was physically addicted). He knows he can never use opiates again or he'll be back where he was before he went to rehab. The other thing he is playing around with is the idea that since he wasn't an alcoholic, drank a beer or two and no more, and in AA he can do no mind altering drugs, he can still drink socially so he would not be welcome in AA. When he thought he was addicted both mentally and physically he did think he'd never be able to drink again--but now he's rethought that conclusion.
Yep, gonna need the helmet and waders.
Yep, gonna need the helmet and waders.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I'm so sorry.......I don't even know what to say. I don't want to predict doom and gloom. Take it one day at a time and do whatever you need to do for you to keep your own serenity. I will share my experience.
After my son's last inpatient rehab (last November), he used within a week. A former girlfriend gave him a present (meth-his DOC).....even though she knew he had just gotten out of rehab. After he did it, she told him that she gave it to him just to see if he could resist. How's that for nice. But I can't blame her I suppose. He then used a couple of more times and then went whole hog into going to meetings, getting clean, enjoying working, getting a sponsor...etc.
A month or two goes by.....then......another woman who loved to gamble came into the picture. He started going to casinos......and of course, drinks are right there....and everyone is drinking. Bam. He decides that he's an adult (which I agreed with) and he has the right to drink if he wants to (which I agreed with) and there's nothing wrong with marijuana--it is "of the earth" and natural (so is arsenic but that doesn't mean you should take it) and he is an adult and should be allowed to smoke it if he wants to (I couldn't argue with that--the "he's an adult" part not the natural "of the earth" point). He said that his recovery is his business and it's none of ours (bingo--ding ding ding--he's right again).
However, we explained that that wasn't the agreement when he moved in after rehab and he had a choice to make.....either get back on the program or leave because we won't have an active addict/alcoholic living in our house and since we own the house, it's our house--our rules. He chose to leave......but tells everyone that we kicked him out. Whatever. He made a choice--he had an opportuntity to say--you're right, that wasn't the agreement when I moved back in after rehab but instead.....he moved into an apartment with a bunch of addicts.....got evicted within about a month and now he is living on the streets of a big city doing what addicts do.
Nature has no punishment.....only consequences. It's really really tough as a mother to see the child you raised and love suffering the consequences of addiction. My son is in the hands of his higher power.......I am trying my best to trust the process. I am enforcing the agreement and not giving in and it's hard. Really hard. There are days that I feel like an absolute B***h because of it--this is so against my nature. And other days that I can fully accept that he has a right to live his life in any manner he chooses--even if I don't agree with it.
You and your son will be in my prayers today.
gentle hugs from another mom
ke
After my son's last inpatient rehab (last November), he used within a week. A former girlfriend gave him a present (meth-his DOC).....even though she knew he had just gotten out of rehab. After he did it, she told him that she gave it to him just to see if he could resist. How's that for nice. But I can't blame her I suppose. He then used a couple of more times and then went whole hog into going to meetings, getting clean, enjoying working, getting a sponsor...etc.
A month or two goes by.....then......another woman who loved to gamble came into the picture. He started going to casinos......and of course, drinks are right there....and everyone is drinking. Bam. He decides that he's an adult (which I agreed with) and he has the right to drink if he wants to (which I agreed with) and there's nothing wrong with marijuana--it is "of the earth" and natural (so is arsenic but that doesn't mean you should take it) and he is an adult and should be allowed to smoke it if he wants to (I couldn't argue with that--the "he's an adult" part not the natural "of the earth" point). He said that his recovery is his business and it's none of ours (bingo--ding ding ding--he's right again).
However, we explained that that wasn't the agreement when he moved in after rehab and he had a choice to make.....either get back on the program or leave because we won't have an active addict/alcoholic living in our house and since we own the house, it's our house--our rules. He chose to leave......but tells everyone that we kicked him out. Whatever. He made a choice--he had an opportuntity to say--you're right, that wasn't the agreement when I moved back in after rehab but instead.....he moved into an apartment with a bunch of addicts.....got evicted within about a month and now he is living on the streets of a big city doing what addicts do.
Nature has no punishment.....only consequences. It's really really tough as a mother to see the child you raised and love suffering the consequences of addiction. My son is in the hands of his higher power.......I am trying my best to trust the process. I am enforcing the agreement and not giving in and it's hard. Really hard. There are days that I feel like an absolute B***h because of it--this is so against my nature. And other days that I can fully accept that he has a right to live his life in any manner he chooses--even if I don't agree with it.
You and your son will be in my prayers today.
gentle hugs from another mom
ke
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
So far we are not suffering here and he is far removed from his using buddies so that is a blessing. In the end, he must make his own way in life. He is an adult and needs out from under our roof. I told my husband we must work to get him out of our house and on his own and for once he agrees with me. I think the blinders my husband has been wearing were removed on Sunday with our son's announcement. So I will take it one day at a time and watch closely for any signs of his returning to drugs.
Thank you Kindeyes for your much appreciated prayers!
Thank you Kindeyes for your much appreciated prayers!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I don't mean to come off as a predictor of gloom, and I apologize. I've been around the rooms of recovery since 1986, and I know what I've seen over the years.That's what I based my post on.
Keeping all of you in my prayers.
Keeping all of you in my prayers.
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