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I just started writing and couldn't stop.

Old 07-11-2011, 06:00 AM
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I just started writing and couldn't stop.

I sometimes crave oblivion mainly because I get so bored with myself and my surroundings that I struggle for an alternative, especially at nights when doubts creep like spiders in the cracks in my mind.

However I shouldn't feel afraid of boredom.

I can pursue one of my new hobbies in these times.

Recently I've taken up reading as a hobby and I've enjoyed getting to grips with ones about spirituality and religion. I especially love reading about the trap of alcoholism and peoples experiences with the drug.

I've grown equally fond of watching movies too. Before I'd sit in my room in an almost comatose like state just counting down the hours until I could go to bed. Now I genuinely enjoy watching films, mainly comedies and horrors.

I continue to love running too, although I've neglected it somewhat recently due to gaining 5lbs which is directly related to alcohol consumption and the insatiable hunger that goes with it.

By having my last drink on the Tuesday 12th July 2011, I will have more energy for runs which will make losing the weight easier and I'll subsequently feel better about myself.

I also begin training for the Dublin Marathon on 12th July. I will make this my primary focus. I will run until it no longer hurts to run.

This will help to address my self esteem problem which fuels my drinking in bars. By losing the weight and using the money I save on abstaining from alcohol I will be able to buy new clothes and improve my physical appearance.

Whilst I haven't drank since Sunday 3rd July I intend to buy a shot of tequila tonight and drink it tomorrow before going on a run.

By quitting alcohol for good I'll be ridding myself of a poison that has stolen my serenity, self confidence, self respect and money. It isn't even a crutch anymore. It's a black hole that sucks and deadens the light of my consciousness.

This battle will only become more difficult if I delay. I will find new situations that I can't embrace without drinking oblivion. I will cause myself more hurt. Life will become intolerable. I will lose more money. Possibly a job, a wife, a house.

**** knows where this will end for me.

And this drug is meant to be a relaxant?

It's meant to ease stress?

If either of these claims were true, going by amount I've drank in the last 7 years I should be the new anointed love child of Bob Ross and the Dalai Lama.

But I'm not that. I am what I am and I am where I am and that's alright.

I can't get closer to being myself through any drug.
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Old 07-11-2011, 06:53 AM
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Originally Posted by ElvisInASkirt View Post
...whilst I haven't drank since Sunday 3rd July I intend to buy a shot of tequila tonight and drink it tomorrow before going on a run.
If I may make a suggestion, don't.

The most successful "last" drink is the one you've already had, not the one you are intending to drink.

But regardless, good luck.
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Old 07-11-2011, 07:32 AM
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Hi. It sounds like you are really seeing new possibilities! All those things will really help to keep you busy. Good job!

I do agree with Carl about that drink. In my opinion having one last drink is like giving alcohol a big hug goodbye; it reinforces a feeling that you're saying goodbye to a good friend. Is that the way to treat a " a black hole that sucks and deadens the light of my consciousness"?

I planned a lot of last drinks. As it turned out, the actual last drink came and went unnoticed, an ordinary beer on an ordinary evening. I had no idea it was my last drink until the next day....

Anyway, glad you've decided to live a healthier, happier life!
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Old 07-11-2011, 07:43 AM
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Originally Posted by ReadyAndAble View Post
Hi. It sounds like you are really seeing new possibilities! All those things will really help to keep you busy. Good job!

I do agree with Carl about that drink. In my opinion having one last drink is like giving alcohol a big hug goodbye; it reinforces a feeling that you're saying goodbye to a good friend. Is that the way to treat a " a black hole that sucks and deadens the light of my consciousness"?

I planned a lot of last drinks. As it turned out, the actual last drink came and went unnoticed, an ordinary beer on an ordinary evening. I had no idea it was my last drink until the next day....

Anyway, glad you've decided to live a healthier, happier life!
I don't actually want to drink it, I'm following the Allen Carr 'Easy Way To Control Alcohol' book.

He suggests that you have one last drink to reinforce the idea that is poison. I was planning on drinking a shot of tequila and spitting it back out again.

I don't know if it's really that important but I'd prefer not to drink it.
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Old 07-11-2011, 07:51 AM
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naw, don't do it..............you'll be thinking about it the whole time you're running.

thoughts can be like a nagging wife/husband who just won't leave you alone.

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Old 07-11-2011, 08:20 AM
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Originally Posted by kiki5711 View Post
naw, don't do it..............you'll be thinking about it the whole time you're running.

thoughts can be like a nagging wife/husband who just won't leave you alone.

Yeah true.

To be honest if I can't understand that alcohol is actually poison now, will I ever?

The last drink ritual seemed unnecessary.
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Old 07-11-2011, 02:19 PM
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That was one of the things I disagreed with Carr on, but I guess his book was really aimed at drinkers a few notches back from where I was...I already knew alcohol was poison.

Night was a big problem for me too EIAS....it used to terrify me, and oblivion made it bearable...then when I actually got sober, I wondered what used to terrify me so much...

Good luck with your marathon

D
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Old 07-11-2011, 02:31 PM
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Awesome post, ElvisInaSkirt Thanks for sharing... and I ditto the others about not drinking that tequila shot... especially if it makes no sense to you, and it's just from Carr's book. Do it only if really means something to you, imo.
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Old 07-11-2011, 03:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
That was one of the things I disagreed with Carr on, but I guess his book was really aimed at drinkers a few notches back from where I was...I already knew alcohol was poison.

Night was a big problem for me too EIAS....it used to terrify me, and oblivion made it bearable...then when I actually got sober, I wondered what used to terrify me so much...

Good luck with your marathon

D
Thanks for the advice there D. The only reason I wanted to take that drink was to ensure I was following all the steps correctly. I can't think of tequila without a gag reflex starting. In fact I was scouting for a tequila shot in the store and I couldn't find any yet whenever I looked at the rest of the drinks I started having a gag reflex. I wonder if there's a way to increase this sensation?

Almost like A Clockwork Orange.

It's night now here and drunken kids are rioting in the streets everywhere as part of the public holiday. All of them drunk out of their skulls. I've cranked open the window more so that I can hear them and hear what booze can do to rational people. Besides if I can get through tonight unintimidated by the angry thoughts outside of my head, what chance do the angry thoughts inside my head have of remaining a threat?
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Old 07-11-2011, 03:12 PM
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well I never took that last shot and I turned out ok - still got a lot out of the Carr book too

D
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Old 07-11-2011, 03:23 PM
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I'm also with the others on not doing that with the tequila shot. How many time have we drunks puked on booze? It means NOTHING, yes, puking is unpleasant but when it's linked to drinking, it just doesn't seem that bad..think about the times you've had food poisoning from eating something - you shiver with a distant memory of how nasty it was. Now, gagging/puking from booze is par for the course for we drinkers, it's amazing how you can push it to the back of your mind. That's how powerful it is.

Have you watched Rain in My Heart? You can find it on You Tube in 10 parts. If you haven't seen it yet, please do. It will be the most valuable 90 minutes of your life.
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Old 07-11-2011, 03:33 PM
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Just 111 days to go till the Dublin Marathon!

It sounds like a lot, but unless you're a fairly accomplished runner, you are behind.

You've only got 16 weeks to train. Are planning on running the full marathon or a half marathon? Big difference...if you're just doing the half I wouldn't worry so much...just run 3 or 4 times a week and make sure you get your mileage up to 18k or so 2 to 3 weeks before race day.

If you're thinking full marathon the same principle applies. You want to get your mileage up to 32km 3 weeks before race day. It takes time to do that safely.

I'm training for the Toronto marathon - Oct. 16th - my run on Sunday was 15km. Next Sunday will be 16.5, back down to 11 the Sunday after that, then up to 19 a week later.

It's a great motivator to stay sober. I'm really glad to have some company on the running front in this forum. Good luck with the training and feel free to send me a note if you have any questions about the training!
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Old 07-11-2011, 04:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Tippingpoint View Post
Just 111 days to go till the Dublin Marathon!

It sounds like a lot, but unless you're a fairly accomplished runner, you are behind.

You've only got 16 weeks to train. Are planning on running the full marathon or a half marathon? Big difference...if you're just doing the half I wouldn't worry so much...just run 3 or 4 times a week and make sure you get your mileage up to 18k or so 2 to 3 weeks before race day.

If you're thinking full marathon the same principle applies. You want to get your mileage up to 32km 3 weeks before race day. It takes time to do that safely.

I'm training for the Toronto marathon - Oct. 16th - my run on Sunday was 15km. Next Sunday will be 16.5, back down to 11 the Sunday after that, then up to 19 a week later.

It's a great motivator to stay sober. I'm really glad to have some company on the running front in this forum. Good luck with the training and feel free to send me a note if you have any questions about the training!
Hey TP,

I ran the Belfast Marathon in May there and I've managed to maintain on average 15-20 miles a week since then. Not great but it's a start.

On the night before the long runs last time around I'd drink the best part of a bottle of vodka the night before and still go out the next day. Without that crap in my system I'm capable of doing better.

Struggling with my weight still. 210lbs and I'm 6'3" looking to get down to below 195lb by the time of the run itself.

So you're right running is a great incentive to kick the habit. My first long run this week will be 13km. Last time around I started off at 8km and worked up to 18 miles over 16 weeks of training.

Finished in 5 hours 56 seconds last time around but I'd only been running 4 months and at the same time the year before I was 280lbs.
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Old 07-13-2011, 03:52 PM
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Originally Posted by ElvisInASkirt View Post
Hey TP,

I ran the Belfast Marathon in May there and I've managed to maintain on average 15-20 miles a week since then. Not great but it's a start.

On the night before the long runs last time around I'd drink the best part of a bottle of vodka the night before and still go out the next day. Without that crap in my system I'm capable of doing better.

Struggling with my weight still. 210lbs and I'm 6'3" looking to get down to below 195lb by the time of the run itself.

So you're right running is a great incentive to kick the habit. My first long run this week will be 13km. Last time around I started off at 8km and worked up to 18 miles over 16 weeks of training.

Finished in 5 hours 56 seconds last time around but I'd only been running 4 months and at the same time the year before I was 280lbs.
I'm 6'1" and weigh 182, so I would agree that it would be easier if you were a little lighter - depends on your body type too though.

I've never run a full before. I ran half marathons the past two years and finished in 1:40 and 1:45. So, based on that I have a goal in mind for the full to finish at 3:45 or less. Hopefully I'm not delusional!

I can relate to what you said about drinking the night before your runs. I used to use the runs as a hangover cure...gawd, I feel horrible...maybe running 10km will make me feel better - and it usually did, but I'm sure it didn't do my running any good!

Good luck with it.
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Old 07-13-2011, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Tippingpoint View Post
I'm 6'1" and weigh 182, so I would agree that it would be easier if you were a little lighter - depends on your body type too though.

I've never run a full before. I ran half marathons the past two years and finished in 1:40 and 1:45. So, based on that I have a goal in mind for the full to finish at 3:45 or less. Hopefully I'm not delusional!

I can relate to what you said about drinking the night before your runs. I used to use the runs as a hangover cure...gawd, I feel horrible...maybe running 10km will make me feel better - and it usually did, but I'm sure it didn't do my running any good!

Good luck with it.
I'm a fatty like. Weight has went up 10lbs since the marathon itself mainly because I've cut back on the runs and not cut back so much on the food (especially pizza...)

1:40 is an amazing time. I ran a 2:19 in my first and only half. Drank the night before and forgot to bring any energy gels whatsoever. God.

I've another half lined up in Glasgow in September but I'm thinking about canceling going as my recovery is more important. I entered myself into loads of half marathons with the idea of going to new cities and drinking in them. Stupid god damn plan.

I was even ready to book my entry into the Las Vegas Rock N Roll Half Marathon in December!
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Old 07-13-2011, 06:14 PM
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I was blacked out so will never remember my last drink.

I do know from countless attempts to quit smoking the "last" cigarette was just trick my brain would play on me to smoke again.
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Old 07-13-2011, 06:45 PM
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Originally Posted by ETA View Post
I was blacked out so will never remember my last drink.

I do know from countless attempts to quit smoking the "last" cigarette was just trick my brain would play on me to smoke again.
Yeah I decided against going for it.

Went to the bar today and had a pint of orange juice and read outside in the sun. I felt a bit out of place.
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