sark

So I have been trying to stop drinking on my own with some medication prescribed by my doctor. It is not working. I can go a day to two but then I slip. Today was my first night in months that my kids are not home. It was horrible. I was lonely and missing my husband. I still cant beleive he is gone. I am having a hard time dealing with his death. I dont know how to cope with it. I tried keeping my self busy. I dont know if its anxiety or what but I started shaking.I try so hard but sometimes my will power is zero. I contemplated telling my brother my problem so I can then just go into rehab. I think it is the only way I can get a hold of this. I have not done it becuase of my kids and becuase I dont want to disappoint my family. I am very scared to tell him. I feel so ashamed. How in the world do i break this to him.

Rado

Sark, I've been there. I know how hard it is to think of telling your family. I still haven't told my parents and I don't think I ever will.

If you're already talking with a doctor about this maybe you should tell him/her it's not working. They might have other drugs or other options. I've heard people talk about out-patient rehab. But you should talk to someone about it. Your doctor or your brother. But, don't beat yourself up. It's not over. Right now it sounds like it's really hard for you. But, it's not over.

I started my most recent bout of binge drinking after two family members died. It was so easy to just forget when I drank. Then I started going to therapy and did some real grieving. That helped immensely. If you haven't tried it then maybe that's another option as well.

I wish you the best. Take care of yourself.

SSIL75

It's hard to get a grip on reality, Sark. I know I didn't want to disappoint mine either but now that I'm sober it's obvious that being an active alcoholic is a lot more disappointing than being a recovering one!

Call your brother and get to rehab IIRC your husband was an addict too? Give your kids a sober parent.

doggonecarl

Rehab is an option. What about the suggestions to try AA. I understand your apprehension, but what you're doing (or in this case, not doing) isn't working.

silly

It's so much easier than you think, Sark. I was terrified to tell anyone. But I finally realized that I would never ever get better without help and accountability. My partner and my family supported me in ways I never expected. My friends, too. I was shocked in really good ways!

sark

I have a appointment tomorrow for an assessment. I guess based on my answers or behaviors they recommend you for detox or what ever else they think would help.
I think that I will have to tell my brother. I think your right silly accountability is what I need. I have some friends that do know however family does hold you accountable a different way and maybe that's what I need.

Anna

I think it's good that you're taking care of yourself, Sark!

ViciousCycle

Have you considered trying a grief group? You will meet others who are or have been where you are now. It may help you unload. Good luck to you.

Dee74

Be totally honest in your assessment Sark - it can lead to the help you need.

Try and not get discouraged - you're here and you're fighting - that's a good start - you juts have to work out what to add now

D

psilyguy

Stay strong for the kids, they don't need to be missing 2 of you. Please do not mix prescriptions with alcohol, I did that for 4 years. When you understand how the pills mask the Neuron receptors in your brain from the alcohol, it makes you feel like your not buzzed. So you keep drinking but once the meds wear off, you get a 1-2 punch.

AcceptingChange

Your grief is overwhelming. And you're trying to deal with the #2 life stressor (death of a spouse) on your own.
I highly recommend you try to find a group of others in a similar situation to yours. You will have a lot in common with them. And they can help you understand that your suffering is not unique to you. Churches and hospitals have grieving groups, that will help you connect with others.
I'm glad you're connecting here!
Your pain is real, and your suffering is tough. Please know that you can't control how you feel. But you can learn to not try to solve the problem through drinking. Which as you know, provides about 20 min of relief, and then hours & days of increased pain. Just remember, drinking=suffering. You will not be happier after drinking. Drinking doesn't make us happier or calmer. The very idea is a lie that you've proven to yourself multiple times, just like i had to prove it to myself over a couple decades. (I'm a very slow learner.)
These are skills all of us had to learn. And you can too!
I truly hope the best for you.

ACT10Npack

If you can only last a few days until you slip again and meds are not helping then looking in to a 28 day rehab would be a good step that will force you to not drink for at least those days. I know it seem a big step to do but if you don't have the will power to last a week then something big like rehab would be a good option.

sark

I do attend a grief group but it mainly focuses on my kids. I know i should probably find one for my self. I just have a hard time talking about it. However that might be what I need. Tomorrow I go for an assessment. I will let you guys know what I find out and what I am going to do.