SDSurfn

least's 19 month thread inspired me to post again.


I am trying not to give up.


but I think this thing just might have me beat.


I know what I need to do but I just can't get myself to do it.


Alcoholism = Insanity.


I am insane.

-SD

P.S. I know how tiresome it is to read posts from people like me who just don't get it. I apologize in advance.

Bikeguy

Don't give up on yourself, you are worth the fight.

Anna

No need to apologize.

We do understand how hard it is, and yes, how insane it is.

But, I know that you can do it, and you must keep trying. Good for you!

EmeraldRose

If you know what you need to do -then do it. Take ACTION.
No sense letting it beat you and start again at day 1. You know what will happen. You know how you'll feel. I know you don't want to go thru that again. Seems insane. As they say insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.

Dee74

Good to see you back Sdsurfn

When I was beat, I knew I needed help...I went and got it.
I was that scared anything anyone could do for me I welcomed.

what's holding you back, mate?
D

bellakeller

I know for me I had to give up. I gave up doing the same crap over and over because the result was always the same as long as I did things my way.

I just gave up the fight and let AA and people around me help. Me alone with alcohol is like me trying to tame a tsunami.

I hope you find some peace. This arrangement we have with alcohol is deadly and you're right; insane. I hope you can get some help with this.

Keep close. Much love.

recoverywfaith

Welcome back. Thanks to AA, SR and incorporating other recovery tools today - my sobriety is maintaining in successful recovery. We do recovery together...one day at at time.

SDSurfn

Fear.


I'm afraid I may never stop drinking.


But that fear is STILL not as great as the fear I have of living a life without alcohol.


I just read aloud what I have typed above. It is utter insanity.

-SD

Dee74

I get it though.

I was paralysed like that for a long time - scared I would never quit, but more scared that I would.

All I can tell you is there really is a life beyond drinking and it's everything you want it to be...and more.

I like being the man I know I can be. I can look myself in the face in the mirror.

I know you want that for yourself too.

Go back and read your old posts when you were sober - you can have that again - and with some work you can keep it.

I wouldn't lie to you man

D

Squizz

Just remember one thing: (and this is something that has helped me many times.)

As long as your desire to stay sober is greater than your desire to drink, you will never HAVE to pickup a drink again.

Just constantly work on not HAVING to take a drink, or NEEDING to take a drink. DO ANYTHING to avoid it. ANYTHING.

littlefish

I completely relate to that. I was afraid to stop and afraid to keep drinking.
do you have any kind of program in place? I can't imagine how I could have stayed stopped without the structure and support of a program.

CarolD

Sorry to know of your difficulties....but...forward is the correct direction...
Prayers for clairty coming and action coming your way

michelle01

I had quite a lot going against me when I was trying to get sober, complicated family situation, mental health disorders, physical ailments, etc. It was difficult to imagine life without alcohol (enough nearly to induce a panic attack) and it took several attempts to really get some sober time together. I once thought I would never get it. But one of those times when I felt really *beaten* was my turning point. I knew I was getting nowhere on my own, that my rational mind was pitted against my insane instincts, and just tired of the struggle I went and got help. I'd tried different things in the past but not with much interest, simply to make others happy. And I felt I was just going through the motions, in therapy I talked things I'd pretty much rehearsed myself to say, after being in and out of the system for such a long time.

I find it hard to believe now that I have 20 months... it's all been one day at a time though and here I am. I am very glad now I didn't give up on myself despite all the slip ups and false starts I had. It was very difficult to begin with and each time I relapsed, I felt terrible afterwards - I think that screwed with me big time - but it's worth hanging in there for the long term results.

KathP

Just take it one day at a time... Is there anyone you can phone or go have coffee with or anything? Yes, it's a struggle, and I know for me the fear of having to live without alcohol was all but overwhelming. All I can tell you is that sobriety is worth fighting for -- and so are you.

least

Don't give up!! Keep trying until you get it.

Hevyn

Sdsurfin - Just want to throw a little support & love your way. Everyone's said the good stuff already - but this lifelong drinker wants you to know you can slay this beast and not feel miserable & resentful about not drinking.

You have to give yourself chance to live sober for long enough to see it as a blessing. In the beginning, we're sorry for ourselves and desperate to cling to our old lifestyle. My happy drinking days were nothing but a dim memory, yet I still insisted I could control how much I drank and make it fun again. That led me to 3 DUI's, life threatening health issues, and a life filled with chaos. Keep trying - there's no doubt in my mind that you can make it out of hell.

ReadyAndAble

Hey, SDsurfin, welcome back! I was wondering where you'd been.

Giving up? That's insane. You can and will do this.

So I know all about the fear of living sober. It held me back a long, long, long time. I knew how to get through the work day sober—that was never a problem. But nights? Weekends? How could I hang out with friends? How could I relax? Get to sleep? Wash my car? Enjoy a sunset? How could I survive the sheer boredom of being sober, and the discomfort of actually dealing with my emotions instead of hiding from them?

Guess what? That's all BS. Total, utter BS. Yes, it was weird and uncomfortable and interminably boring for a few weeks, but then I started getting used to it. I started enjoying it, actually. Getting home, getting stuff done, going for walks, watching movies, meeting a friend for coffee, reading books, falling asleep...and best of all, waking up the next morning. Now, the only thing that scares me is the thought of going back to drinking, and allowing that dark cloud to drift back over me.

If I had one piece of advice, it would be to think less in terms of "giving up alcohol" and more in terms of "getting back my life." Run toward something, not away from something. Remember when you were a kid and didn't need anything but food, friends, and fun times? Embrace sobriety. Give it a high five, and tell it how much you've missed it.

Seriously, man. You're literally just a few weeks away from a whole new life. Why not start today?