What do you do at social events?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 2
What do you do at social events?
What do you do at social events when everyone is drinking. What do say at social events when people ask why you are not drinking? Does my wholes world have to change. Do I have to avoid these events?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 1,061
I find when I'm asked if I would like a drink a simple "No Thank-you" goes a long ways. Another idea is to make sure you have a beverage in your hand (non-alcoholic) at all times, that way you probably won't even be asked. I also always have an escape plan in place as well, just in case I feel uncomfortable, better to be safe than sorry.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 45
That is so interesting you posted this because I was just about to post the same question. I am attending a concert tomorrow night in what will only be my 4th night of sobriety and I was questioning: do I go? Stay home? I am lucky in that my first social function is literally around the corner, so I can walk home if I am feeling temptation. I am waiting to read the other responses from people with longer sobriety to see how to handle these situations - ugh! Good luck 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
You will find, in due time, that the only person who really cared whether you drank at social events was YOU. One exception will be if you drink with other alcoholic type drinkers, they might act offended if you don't drink initially because it brings a light to their problem. Currently I go to drinking events a couple of times a week and no one cares that I drink diet coke instead of Miller Lite, in fact a few people mentioned they liked being around me more now that I don't drink.
My wife has been a non-drinker since she was 22 years old, for the last 18 years I don't remember anyone ever really caring that she didn't drink...it wasn't an issue, and she goes everywhere I went when I was drinking heavily.
My wife has been a non-drinker since she was 22 years old, for the last 18 years I don't remember anyone ever really caring that she didn't drink...it wasn't an issue, and she goes everywhere I went when I was drinking heavily.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
If a "social event" is focused enough on alcohol that you'll be questioned about your choice of drink, I'd stay away. That may mean your world has to change, it may not.
I don't avoid dinner parties, BBQs, afternoons at the beach, etc. where there might be alcohol because I know there will be plenty of people who are not drinking. But I do avoid going to parties where I know it's really a pre-party or where I know most people will be focused on alcohol.
I don't avoid dinner parties, BBQs, afternoons at the beach, etc. where there might be alcohol because I know there will be plenty of people who are not drinking. But I do avoid going to parties where I know it's really a pre-party or where I know most people will be focused on alcohol.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hi NN-
In the early stages of my sobriety, I avoided any and all events that included drinking. Sure, I missed out on a few social events, but I had to stay away.
I'm now 18 months sober, with 4 months of outpatient therapy behind me, and I've worked all 12 steps of AA, and I'm learning how to be me.
I'm just starting to attend events and social functions again and it's sometimes awkward, but I only stay as long as I'm comfortable. Once people start getting drunk, I bounce.
Also, darn near everyone knows about my alcoholism and the support I receive is amazing and wonderful. (and, I've had a few people approach me about their problems or someone else's problems. I'm becoming an asset to our neighborhood and I used to be a menace)
Kjell~
In the early stages of my sobriety, I avoided any and all events that included drinking. Sure, I missed out on a few social events, but I had to stay away.
I'm now 18 months sober, with 4 months of outpatient therapy behind me, and I've worked all 12 steps of AA, and I'm learning how to be me.
I'm just starting to attend events and social functions again and it's sometimes awkward, but I only stay as long as I'm comfortable. Once people start getting drunk, I bounce.
Also, darn near everyone knows about my alcoholism and the support I receive is amazing and wonderful. (and, I've had a few people approach me about their problems or someone else's problems. I'm becoming an asset to our neighborhood and I used to be a menace)
Kjell~
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: near Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 377
Drinking at Social Events
Yes, always a good topic:
1. True - most people don't notice me NOT drinking, except one particular person who ALWAYS overdrinks at such events, and hopes that I shall do so, TOO, to take the spotlight off of him. Now he has nowhere to hide.
2. Hold a non-alcoholic drink in your hand, should work wonders, people don't have the "visual cue" that you are "drink-less", thereby prompting them to ask you if you wish another drink.
3. I have been on high blood pressure pills for 14 years, so I just mention I can't mix alcohol with B.P. pills...even though, in my drinking days, I didn't give a Rat's A__ whether I mixed the pills and firewater (alcohol).
Kelly
1. True - most people don't notice me NOT drinking, except one particular person who ALWAYS overdrinks at such events, and hopes that I shall do so, TOO, to take the spotlight off of him. Now he has nowhere to hide.
2. Hold a non-alcoholic drink in your hand, should work wonders, people don't have the "visual cue" that you are "drink-less", thereby prompting them to ask you if you wish another drink.
3. I have been on high blood pressure pills for 14 years, so I just mention I can't mix alcohol with B.P. pills...even though, in my drinking days, I didn't give a Rat's A__ whether I mixed the pills and firewater (alcohol).
Kelly
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
I have never been asked that question, and I think it's really quite rude for someone to ask that. I think people should keep in mind that you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you're not drinking. If I'm offered alcohol, I just say 'No, thanks', and that works for me.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
3. I have been on high blood pressure pills for 14 years, so I just mention I can't mix alcohol with B.P. pills...even though, in my drinking days, I didn't give a Rat's A__ whether I mixed the pills and firewater (alcohol).
Me too!
Me too!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I vote that you don't go. You said in your first post that you overdrink at social events and that you want to stop. If social events trigger you, don't go. And before you say you have to go, don't. There will be plenty events in the future when you are stronger in your recovery.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
I try not to put myself in situations that may trigger me to drink or to want a drink. A social event that is centered around drinking isn't my cup of tea these days.
As far as someone asking me about my drinking .... or lack of. I just say "No thanks." If they persist, I generally get really annoyed and try to walk away. I've been known to say "That whole peer pressure thing isn't working. Thanks anyway."
But really, it's no one's business why you're not drinking.
Just politely decline.
If I'm asked I just say I don't drink.
Most people respect that.
If someone asks why I just say I don't like it.
You'll be fine.
As far as someone asking me about my drinking .... or lack of. I just say "No thanks." If they persist, I generally get really annoyed and try to walk away. I've been known to say "That whole peer pressure thing isn't working. Thanks anyway."
But really, it's no one's business why you're not drinking.
Just politely decline.
If I'm asked I just say I don't drink.
Most people respect that.
If someone asks why I just say I don't like it.
You'll be fine.
Programmaddict
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: God's Hands
Posts: 217
Just declined a work social since it will be at a bar. Fortunately one of the precious few coworkers who knows my situation was the one to ask so I told him i wasn't going because I was staying out of bars for the time being. After reading this thread I was a little miffed that I didn't just go for it since I'm certain I won't drink but I'm also certain I'll feel a bit uneasy and I just don't see the point in going somewhere I even think I'm going to be uncomfortable just to say I did it for work.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi newnormal
I really tied myself in knots in the early days wondering what I'd say, what would people say, how would they react....
the truth is most people don't give a hoot - and those few that do are likely to be old drinking buddies who like to drink in packs cos it makes them look better
I simply say - 'no thanks I don't drink (anymore)'. Thats all anyone ever really needs to know. What you offer from there as explanation is up to your personal discretion
I stayed away from drinking social events until I was sure I was ready for them - I wanted to be secure in my sobriety - it meant that much to me.
The few months that took me were a great investment I think, but that's what I did.
If you feel you must go to things, that's your call.
If you feel like you need a cover story - have one ready....always have a soft drink in your hand...and have an escape plan.
A sober buddy/back up who you've confided in and who knows the situation can be helpful too.
D
I really tied myself in knots in the early days wondering what I'd say, what would people say, how would they react....
the truth is most people don't give a hoot - and those few that do are likely to be old drinking buddies who like to drink in packs cos it makes them look better
I simply say - 'no thanks I don't drink (anymore)'. Thats all anyone ever really needs to know. What you offer from there as explanation is up to your personal discretion
I stayed away from drinking social events until I was sure I was ready for them - I wanted to be secure in my sobriety - it meant that much to me.
The few months that took me were a great investment I think, but that's what I did.
If you feel you must go to things, that's your call.
If you feel like you need a cover story - have one ready....always have a soft drink in your hand...and have an escape plan.
A sober buddy/back up who you've confided in and who knows the situation can be helpful too.
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: dayton, oh
Posts: 487
If you are to the point where you love being sober and around people then go to the event. I am almost two yrs sober and no one has asked me why I am not drinking. I enjoy socializing now that I am sober because I can communicate and it gets me out of the house. Most people don't drink very much.
SH
SH
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 119
Great thread! I've been thinking about this a lot too. I'm only on Day 7. I haven't done anything socially since I quit. I agree with what Supercrew said. Only the alcoholic-type drinkers will give you a hard time. Most people only have 1-3 drinks in a night out anyway. They don't care if you drink or not. The other kind can really be a pain though.
Last weekend a party-type friend called and said, "I'm having a couple people over, we've got Coronas and Vodka and we are getting an 8-ball of coke". When I said no he reacted *violently*. He started calling me and texting me every 5 minutes. He was already hammered. Ended up having a huge argument over the phone.
Thanks for the other "excuse" ideas everyone. Keep em comin!
Last weekend a party-type friend called and said, "I'm having a couple people over, we've got Coronas and Vodka and we are getting an 8-ball of coke". When I said no he reacted *violently*. He started calling me and texting me every 5 minutes. He was already hammered. Ended up having a huge argument over the phone.
Thanks for the other "excuse" ideas everyone. Keep em comin!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 96
What I find really interesting is that now that it's been more than a month I do get comments from folks that say "oh, you're still not drinking?" And I just say, yes, it's working for me. If they dig into that I just say that I feel better physically, especially in the mornings, and that it's fewer calories (and I don't need extra).
The only time it REALLY came up directly was a friend who asked me to come to wine country with her after a business trip. I said I would be happy to come but that I'd be hiking and rock climbing and not visiting wineries with her (we'll go out to dinner in the evenings). Funniest part: she asked if she could come hiking and rock climbing with me!
The only time it REALLY came up directly was a friend who asked me to come to wine country with her after a business trip. I said I would be happy to come but that I'd be hiking and rock climbing and not visiting wineries with her (we'll go out to dinner in the evenings). Funniest part: she asked if she could come hiking and rock climbing with me!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Not sure how much sober time you have but if I was a few days sober I'd stay home and stick with SR. I just can't see risking all my intentions to go to a concert that may be a bad influence.
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