ValJester

After 42 days of sobriety my wife drank again.

Despite all the recovery work she has done and after terrific success never previous attained on her part, the incident contained all the usual hallmarks with the lying, denial, admission, subsequent guilt and crying shame. Its hard to believe that even after a significant transformation as the one we were seeing in her, it can slip so quickly back. I gues the disease is lurking in the background waiting to take over again.

My girls and I have been slowly and carefully returning to her life on this ‘last chance’ basis over the last month or more. I am at a bit of a loss now. We pulled back to our back-up rental house once again last night and it looks like our summer and lives in general are trashed once again by this insidious disease.

I have been away from this forum as she is using it as her primary recovery resource and it’s a small space for a recovering couple. I expect I will be back here again more but working on the basis of what I write and read will also be read by her.

We are down but hopefully not down and out.

Sharkbait

My thoughts are with you.
Hopefully this is a speed bump and not a detour for you guys.

Keep your head held high and make sure you are looking after yourself and kids.

laurie6781

Ask the moderators to change you 'handle' to a new one. Change your Avatar and remove Ireland.

Every time you leave the site, log off. Empty your Browser history. She will not know it is you posting here in F&F and give you more privacy to be able to vent, rant, rave, cry and even laugh.

Might help you feel more comfortable in getting some support on this forum.

Love and hugs,

Carol Star

I hope you go to Alanon/Alateen. Work the program you wish she would work. I agree with living apart. Protect your kids. I think I read here if you get between somebody and their bottom they will land on you. Sorry.

TeM

I know how painful that is... and maddening. My AW has promised to quit three times, telling me that "It's not worth having my family upset with me". But she always returns to the bottle.

Even when our daughter begged her to quit, it didn't work. AW loves our daughter more than anything in the world, but cannot give up the booze for her. Once, when we were going through one of her "nobody loves me" bouts of self pity, she told me that she would give up her life for me. But, oddly enough, she won't give up the Vodka.

I tell myself that she's sick, that she needs help, but that doesn't make it any easier. The problem is that she won't admit she's sick, and refuses to seek help. It's a powerful disease, indeed.

I hope your road gets easier, and that your wife finally finds the strength to do what she needs to do.

Programmatic

Addiction cannot be forsaken for anyone except the addict themselves.

TeM

Sad, but true. Every time AW has agreed to quit in the past, it was because it's what WE wanted, not what she wanted to do. She won't even acknowledge that it's a problem. From her perspective, we're just being a**holes.

The last confrontation she had with our daughter was quite revealing. It was as if they had exchanged roles... Daughter was the responsible adult and AW was the petulant teenager, glaring and defiant. The next morning, even sober, AW was snarky and arrogant. She said she would just quit and asked "Would that make you all happy?"

Looking back, I knew she was going to fail with that attitude. Sure enough, she was drunk again within two weeks.

gowest

I'm thinking that this puts her recovery ahead of your own.

Please consider Laurie6781 suggestions so that you can take advantage of the wonderful support available to you here.

ANEWAUGUST

I am sorry to hear of your wifes slip back into the insanity of alcoholism.

I am a recovering AW. I had many attempts at sobriety and actually achieved several years without any true face to face support. My last fall into the rabbit hole, I sought support thru the program of AA. I needed face to face support to maintain not only my sobriety, but, to learn how to live fully sober.

I agree with Laurie, please change your "handle", and might I suggest your wife do the same. You both need to be able to maintain the freedom to post here without your spouse reading what you shared.

Wishing you, your wife and your daughter all the best.

kittykitty

SPLAT

OH EM GEE that is just awesome, i love it Carol, thank you so much!!

Thats the best smiley I could find, we need a new one.

Tuffgirl

Val, wishing you and your family strength, and hoping it is just a slip. I know its disappointing...

Hang in there!
~T

Cyranoak

One thing, and I really believe this-- she didn't choose alcohol over you and your kids. She's an alcoholic who has failed in her efforts to remain sober. As weird as this sounds, it's not personal, and it's not about you and the kids at all. She's just not strong enough in her recovery to not drink.

Unless she fully engages in a program of recovery, fully and completely admits she is powerless over alcohol, she will never be successful in my opinion. Never. The program of recovery does not necessarily have to be AA, but in my opinion with which there is not universal agreement, AA works for almost everybody who actually works the program daily, follows the steps, and practices the principles in all of their affairs (and does so for the rest of their life).

In other words, unless you want this to be the rest of your life consider moving on without her.

Good luck my friend.

Cyranoak

fedup3

i'm sorry it hurts so much, please take care of yourself and your family. I know with every fall of our SO it knocks the wind out of you but you will make it through all of this no matter which way you decide to go.