snoopy1973

It is Day 2 of being sober and I am about to put my girls for the first time in months when I wasn't drunk/highly buzzing (just to continue to get drunk when they fell asleep) and suggested "story-time" for the first time in 6 months...they are 3,5, and just turned 8 and I haven't read them a story in MONTHS - that is how lost in my addiction I was. They were so excited and said how much they missed story time and I burst into tears over what I have been missing and hope they don't remember too much of it...the guilt is over-whelming...

Latte

You will remember, they will not.

It's been a few 24 hours and neither of my children remember much of that bad stuff and what they do remember is very spotty. They are 12.5 and 9 now and I had to let it go or I couldn't move on. I haven't forgotten or I risk going back but I have forgiven myself.

Seriously, they only know I don't drink. I know they know I'm an alcoholic but that is it.

It gets better and you are the one who will be the hardest on yourself.

The best way I learned to forgive myself though was to work the steps of AA

I'm so glad you're here. I love SR.

Anna

Yes, the guilt and shame are overwhelming in the early days of recovery. I remember being painfully aware of how I had neglected my family, friends, job, everything. Alcoholism steals everything good in your life.

Use the guilt to propel yourself forward in your recovery.

CarolD

A non drinking parent is the most precious gift you can give...good for you....

Zebra1275

As Latte said, You will remember, they will not.

Someday you may look back at this moment as being the catalyst that got you to want a sober lifestyle. If that's true, than this will actually be a good moment because it led you to become a sober parent from this day forward.

Dee74

Hi Snoopy - I think it's really important to remember that no matter how much we;d like it, we can't change a second of the past - but we can very much make today what we want it to be

I had a lot of shame and guilt too - trying my best to live 'right' now goes a long way to making things right for me - I hope it will for you too

D

EmeraldRose

The shame and guilt is part of the process...but once I let go and realized by reliving the past I was neglecting to live the future I could forgive myself and move on to make tomorrow better than yesterday.

snoopy1973

Thank you...I hope it gets easier, but I ruined my marriage and took them from their beautiful home into an apartment and that crushes me everyday and now I have to get a job and put my little one in daycare...I just feel like I ruined my life, can't get it back and am feeling very hopeless right now...

biancaruslow

your child must be proud of you if you can become a non-drinking parents

Terminally Unique

I still have guilt, but you can either use it to move forward or backward. Hold on to your kid's joy, and use it to keep you focused.

EmeraldRose

I don't know how salvagable your marriage is but I separated from my husband last August. It was a mutual amicable decision. We had a boarding business and land, I stayed home and I had animals and chickens, etc. I gave all that up. I found homes for my precious babies. It took me 11 months but I found good homes for all of them. It was bittersweet. But necessary.
I moved to town and had to get a job. I lost that job because I drank. I entered rehab took some time for me and found myself after all the years of thinking I was in control.
Although, my children are grown (youngest 18) I had regrets of the missed time, the drunken bouts, the neglectful behavior that no parent needs to feel. Luckily, they have grown into well adjusted responsible adults.
Set your priorities, take one at a time, accomplish only what you can and leave the rest till next time. Don't overwhelm yourself with the worries of what was...if you are in a situation then make the best of what you have now. Positive thoughts create positive actions resulting in positive results.
Wishing you peace and strength.

IndaMiricale

The point is you realize all of it and did something about it

keep going foward , and let all those smiles return

SSIL75

don't let the shame push you back under. I did that a few times. Stay sober long enough to see what I was missing and feel so overwhelmed that I'd just start drinking again. It might have been miserable, but it was comfortable.

I have small kids too (3 of them). My oldest is 5. I remember well the story times in early recovery. Not skipping pages. Not rushing back to my glass. Not hyper-focusing on the page to stop the words from moving. Noticing a little worry on my now 5 year old's face. What's wrong, pet. Is everything OK?

How many of his little worries before that went unnoticed because my heart was in my drink?

It's heartbreaking, I know. But there is hope. I have almost a year now and I don't think they remember. I will never forget.