RA sees everyone around her as suffering from alcoholism, too?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 32
RA sees everyone around her as suffering from alcoholism, too?
My sister seems to think that anyone and everyone who has an adult beverage is an alcoholic. Is this a point of view that comes during recovery or just her deflecting?
The accusations and insinuations towards everyone around her are terrible. You have a glass of wine with dinner.... then you are an alcoholic. Have a beer while watching a race... alcoholic! She immediately jumps to "You need therapy!" "You are going down the bad road that I did..."
?
The accusations and insinuations towards everyone around her are terrible. You have a glass of wine with dinner.... then you are an alcoholic. Have a beer while watching a race... alcoholic! She immediately jumps to "You need therapy!" "You are going down the bad road that I did..."
?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi sistertrouble,
I have read a similar story here on the forums. An RA seemed to become hypersensitive to drinking going on around him and kept saying that most of the world had a drinking problem. Can't say that I know what causes that, but I have read about it at least one other time.....
HG
I have read a similar story here on the forums. An RA seemed to become hypersensitive to drinking going on around him and kept saying that most of the world had a drinking problem. Can't say that I know what causes that, but I have read about it at least one other time.....
HG
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 32
Mike-- I do not live with my sister. She has her own house, husband and family. That said, we do spend a fair amount of time together (well, up until yesterday when she erected her boundary with me).
I was the one she finally reached out to when she was at rock bottom... she called me and I drove her to the ER for check-in and visited her when she asked me to in the hospital for a week and have supported her from afar and when she directly asked for support. In all honesty, I did do some homework and knew NOT to judge, condescend, etc. To basically let her come to a realization and begin to heal with assistance from a therapist, etc. I couldn't 'fix' her. You can't with such a disease. I get it. What I don't get? Why all of a sudden I am shut out when I was only doing what she asked of me? When she gets one answer/piece of info she doesn't like... and I am out???
I am just running through that last conversation with her and keep coming upon things that didn't make sense to me at the time but now have me wondering where it came from. Just hurt, that's all.
I was the one she finally reached out to when she was at rock bottom... she called me and I drove her to the ER for check-in and visited her when she asked me to in the hospital for a week and have supported her from afar and when she directly asked for support. In all honesty, I did do some homework and knew NOT to judge, condescend, etc. To basically let her come to a realization and begin to heal with assistance from a therapist, etc. I couldn't 'fix' her. You can't with such a disease. I get it. What I don't get? Why all of a sudden I am shut out when I was only doing what she asked of me? When she gets one answer/piece of info she doesn't like... and I am out???
I am just running through that last conversation with her and keep coming upon things that didn't make sense to me at the time but now have me wondering where it came from. Just hurt, that's all.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
It was sort of the oppsite for me when I got sober, I was shocked to see how little people actually drank. One beer with dinner, one glass of wine etc.. freaked me out! 
I was really surprised that no one looked at me funny for ordering a soda, and looking around while out, lots of people just had water with dinner, who would have thought!
I was really surprised that no one looked at me funny for ordering a soda, and looking around while out, lots of people just had water with dinner, who would have thought!
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Thank you for your response. I was asking because what you said would determine how I responded.
From my experience dealing with an alcoholic doesn't always make sense. Respect her boundary as you would like her to respect yours and let her work through this. She is looking at major changes in her life if she really intends to go through with recovery and she is probably really scared. Give her some time as she has a lot going on in her head.
What you could do is go to a couple of al-anon meetings and maybe get rid of some of the baggage you are carrying around from trying to help her. You can't control her drinking and you can't control her recovery. You can work on yours though and in doing so gain more insight into what she is going through.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Edit.....didn't see your al-anon response. Good for you. It can be a life saver.
Your friend,
From my experience dealing with an alcoholic doesn't always make sense. Respect her boundary as you would like her to respect yours and let her work through this. She is looking at major changes in her life if she really intends to go through with recovery and she is probably really scared. Give her some time as she has a lot going on in her head.
What you could do is go to a couple of al-anon meetings and maybe get rid of some of the baggage you are carrying around from trying to help her. You can't control her drinking and you can't control her recovery. You can work on yours though and in doing so gain more insight into what she is going through.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Edit.....didn't see your al-anon response. Good for you. It can be a life saver.
Your friend,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Alcoholism and its effect on the brain is baffling and confusing. I like what Smacked writes above - I had that same experience with my RAH...the realization that no one really drinks like he was, and having a few drinks and stopping is far more normal than unusual.
Early recovery is an emotional roller-coaster. Your sister has spent a lot of time numbing her feelings and now she has to feel them and I am guessing that her confusion is double what you feel right now.
Hang in there - ignore a lot of stuff that comes out of her mouth - and support her from a distance.
Early recovery is an emotional roller-coaster. Your sister has spent a lot of time numbing her feelings and now she has to feel them and I am guessing that her confusion is double what you feel right now.
Hang in there - ignore a lot of stuff that comes out of her mouth - and support her from a distance.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
ST,
Its not clear from your post how long your sister has been sober, but the first few months are pretty rough. I spent 45 days in treatment and when I went back home was pretty reclusive - stayed out of restaurants that alos served alcohol, wouldn't go down the beer aisle in the grocery store, hell... I got antsy driving past the liquor store. Then there's PAWS (look it up if you are not familiar) - emotions like they were put in a blender, inability to think straight or digest complex ideas, mood swings, poor sleep.
It would be worth talking to her about how you feel shut out by her actions. But understand that her first priority should not be your feelings, but her sobriety. Thats not a license to be an @hole to everyone she knows because she's "in recovery" - just the reality that for now, everyhting else should be a distant second on her list.
For me, all of that stuff began to fade after about 6 months sober. I'm now 18 months and have no problem if anyone else drinks - alcohol is a harmless thing for them but its suicide for me, end of story. Give your sister time, it will take awhile for her to find her equilibrium with the rest of the world.
Its not clear from your post how long your sister has been sober, but the first few months are pretty rough. I spent 45 days in treatment and when I went back home was pretty reclusive - stayed out of restaurants that alos served alcohol, wouldn't go down the beer aisle in the grocery store, hell... I got antsy driving past the liquor store. Then there's PAWS (look it up if you are not familiar) - emotions like they were put in a blender, inability to think straight or digest complex ideas, mood swings, poor sleep.
It would be worth talking to her about how you feel shut out by her actions. But understand that her first priority should not be your feelings, but her sobriety. Thats not a license to be an @hole to everyone she knows because she's "in recovery" - just the reality that for now, everyhting else should be a distant second on her list.
For me, all of that stuff began to fade after about 6 months sober. I'm now 18 months and have no problem if anyone else drinks - alcohol is a harmless thing for them but its suicide for me, end of story. Give your sister time, it will take awhile for her to find her equilibrium with the rest of the world.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
She might just be sensative with her addiction..That's okay
Maybe she use to think 1 wine or 1 beer was okay for her too...That's okay
I had 1 margarita, which is usually the most I drink in a year
and with that one, my husband thought I needed a $10,000 rehab
Panic might be the keyword she is feeling
Remember another keyword..Sick...She may have sometime before her
brain repairs itself and she gains clear thinking again...
Do what YOU can live with.......
Maybe she use to think 1 wine or 1 beer was okay for her too...That's okay
I had 1 margarita, which is usually the most I drink in a year
and with that one, my husband thought I needed a $10,000 rehab
Panic might be the keyword she is feeling
Remember another keyword..Sick...She may have sometime before her
brain repairs itself and she gains clear thinking again...
Do what YOU can live with.......
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