nic6425

This is my very first time on this site, and my very first thread.
I was thrilled to come across it, and know that there was some support available.
I wake up nearly every single day feelings sick, guilty, tired, unmotivated, sad...etc. I have always enjoyed drinking. It is there at all social functions, vacations, evenings out and special occassions.
I thought I was totally under control, handling my consumption, making light of embarassing episodes or scenes. I was in complete denial.

My marriage broke down over 6 years ago. I have now been divorced for nearly 4 years. I have 8 year old twins, who I share 50/50 custody with their father.
I am sure that my alcoholism had lots to do with my failed marriage. But after my divorce, I got very healthy. I worked out every single day. Lost a ton of weight and my self confidence started to soar.

My Ex has always been mean, controlling and abusive. I felt free for the first time in a long time. I met someone eventually, and we hit it off. We are still together, but not without some serious issues. My drinking started to ramp up again. I feel it is out of control.
I drinking probably 5 days a week. And anytime I do I always consume way too much. It seems that once I have the nice 2-3 glass of wine buzz....I just need to keep going, and I have no desire to stop.
I don't drink or only have a couple whenever my kids are home. I find if I eat an early healthy dinner with them, I have NO DESIRE to have a drink afterwards.
I have decided this morning that this is it.....I am done. No more alcohol and I want to see myself as that fit, healthy, attractive individual I knew a few years ago.

Fenris

Congratulations on making a life-changing decision Nic. Welcome to SR.

Anna

You'll find lots of support here.

recoverywfaith

Zebra1275

Welcome!

Somebody is going to ask you this question, I guess I'll go first. So what is your plan to stay sober?

mirage

Glad you're here with us, Nic! Glad you've made this great decision for you!

bellakeller

Boy, does that hit a nail on the head with me. I am sure the rockiness in my marriage had as much to do with my drinking as it did the parts of my personality that drove me to drink in the first place. When I quit drinking, there were a whole lot of other things in me that had to change as well. The character defects that kept me on the drunken merry-go-round had to go and still have to stay gone with lots of work.

And I had to have a ton of help. I have gotten and stayed sober through a combination of AA, therapy and taking better physical care of myself. Though it is really tough and sometimes painful work, it's been worth it. I am happier and healthier now.

I would never want to go back to that hell that brought me here in the first place.

Welcome to the club. I hope you'll hang around here. This site's been so helpful to my recovery.

Much love.

nandm

Welcome to SR.

nic6425

I appreciate all the welcomes and words of kindness and support.
To answer one of the questions....how do I plan to stay sober?!

I went to the health food store and picked up a natural remedy called Kudzu. many of you may have already heard of it, or have tried it.
I am taking that a couple time a day, and taking St. Johns Wort in the evening before bedtime.

I am day 2 now. And have no desire to drink. However I have what feels like heart burn, and a very dry mouth. i have been drinking a minimum of 3 litres of water daily. probably more.

I am trying to avoid any situation that come up over the next couple weeks that involve drinking.
I was rather irritable last night with my kids and I feel so bad. It is my problem and do not want to take it out on them. I do not have holidays or sick days to be able to take some time off to allow me to do something healthy and productive during the day, and try and sleep as much as possible to get through the tough times.
I know to be careful with cough and cold medicine too, as it contains alcohol.