stuggling in so many ways..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 89
stuggling in so many ways..
This is my 13th day without wine. I am really struggling with so many thoughts so I hope it is ok if I vent...
1) I am in mourning and miss sitting by my pool with a glass of wine on a summer weekend...especially on a holiday weekend. Hearing my neighbors partying all weekend long has been torture.
2) I can't imagine EVER getting past the obsession part...it seems impossible and I wonder how so many here have done it? I would LOVE to be this way but it seems so hopeless. I am seeing a therapist and we are doing CBT but that takes time and patience (not easy right now)
3) My body has told me I can't drink like I used to...I view this as both a blessing and a curse...no wonder I am so anxious. I am so very envious of "normal" drinkers...
Strange thing is that I went almost 3 months last summer and do not remember it being like this..no pink cloud this time! Thank you so much for listening...sorry for being a debbie downer!
1) I am in mourning and miss sitting by my pool with a glass of wine on a summer weekend...especially on a holiday weekend. Hearing my neighbors partying all weekend long has been torture.
2) I can't imagine EVER getting past the obsession part...it seems impossible and I wonder how so many here have done it? I would LOVE to be this way but it seems so hopeless. I am seeing a therapist and we are doing CBT but that takes time and patience (not easy right now)
3) My body has told me I can't drink like I used to...I view this as both a blessing and a curse...no wonder I am so anxious. I am so very envious of "normal" drinkers...
Strange thing is that I went almost 3 months last summer and do not remember it being like this..no pink cloud this time! Thank you so much for listening...sorry for being a debbie downer!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 36
I am the same as you, I can't imagine life without it and I struggle to think about how people actually manage it. They seem so much stronger compared to me haha.
I only last 1 or 2 days without it before I cave in. You're not the only one hah.
I only last 1 or 2 days without it before I cave in. You're not the only one hah.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I never had the 'pink cloud' either because I had a lot of messes to clean up when I stopped drinking.
I strongly believe that you need to make other changes in your life too. Remember, the drinking is a symptom and it's the underlying problems that need to be dealt with in order for the obsession to lift. If sitting by the pool without wine is hard, then don't sit by the pool. Go for a walk or do something different. Changing my routine really helped in the early days.
I strongly believe that you need to make other changes in your life too. Remember, the drinking is a symptom and it's the underlying problems that need to be dealt with in order for the obsession to lift. If sitting by the pool without wine is hard, then don't sit by the pool. Go for a walk or do something different. Changing my routine really helped in the early days.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Hunt,
Congrats on 13 days! WooHoo! Don't worry about the venting. It's good for the soul and helps inspire others even those not struggling as much because we are you too.
I started out not wanting to ever take another drink before I even tried to detox. Sure I would like to be normal but I am not. Drinking is slow suicide and I am not suicidal. I have nine months sober and few very weak cravings in that time from start to date. While what you are experiencing is normal for many, it sure sounds like you are leaving the door open to a relapse by wanting it as opposed to craving it, I think there is a big difference. I just admitted I could not stop and detox alone, and determined if I could ever quit for that detox I would never let alcohol take control ever again. That for me meant never ever having one drink or one cigarette ever! I quit smoking for 18 months about 18 years ago and I had that one cigarette to see what it was like after being quit that long. Within a couple of days I was back to my then 2 pack a day habit. It took 18 years for me to quit again for more than a few hours. I learned from that about myself. I know now that all it takes is that one drink or smoke and I am lost. Therefore since I am not sauicoidal I do not want that one drink or smoke. I might have physically craved it in that first seven days, but from that point on it was all in my mind. And my mind was and is made up.
I am not posting from strength or any moral or other superiority. I am telling you that I am more afraid of that one drink or smoke no matter how great it might taste or be, than anything in life and I mean anything. I can defend myself against wild animals and criminal humans. I can solve any problem that comes my way and accept the ones that I can't change. But I can't beat alcohol in my mind again, it just isn't in me to go another 18 years with either or even one day, which we all know is the same thing. I am so afraid of any drink or smoke that the thought of me taking a drink, just the thought, makes me shiver for a second.
I don't care if others drink around me or smoke around me because I am now a non-drinker and smoker. I am not pretending that. I am. I may be an addictive personality. I will always be an alcoholic and an ex smoker. Just as I will always be a non-smoker and non-drinker now. I can't go back in time and change yesterday, and sure don't fear tomorrow, because I can easily kick alcohol's axe today! Alcohol is not a rekationship I am afraid to offend because I might need that later and don't want to close that door. Alcohol fooled me for years that it was my friend all the while poisoning my drink with slow death in fact. I slammed the door in alcohols face. I burned the bridge. I humiliated it in my mind as much as it humi;liated me by becoming my own master, and kicking it completely, and irrevocably, out! The rest of the changes I need to make are much easuer sober.
If I am a jerk and boring sober, alcohol only amplifies that. Only sober can I become more interesting, by becoming more interested. I am becoming, in every sense of the word now.
Congrats on 13 days! WooHoo! Don't worry about the venting. It's good for the soul and helps inspire others even those not struggling as much because we are you too.
I started out not wanting to ever take another drink before I even tried to detox. Sure I would like to be normal but I am not. Drinking is slow suicide and I am not suicidal. I have nine months sober and few very weak cravings in that time from start to date. While what you are experiencing is normal for many, it sure sounds like you are leaving the door open to a relapse by wanting it as opposed to craving it, I think there is a big difference. I just admitted I could not stop and detox alone, and determined if I could ever quit for that detox I would never let alcohol take control ever again. That for me meant never ever having one drink or one cigarette ever! I quit smoking for 18 months about 18 years ago and I had that one cigarette to see what it was like after being quit that long. Within a couple of days I was back to my then 2 pack a day habit. It took 18 years for me to quit again for more than a few hours. I learned from that about myself. I know now that all it takes is that one drink or smoke and I am lost. Therefore since I am not sauicoidal I do not want that one drink or smoke. I might have physically craved it in that first seven days, but from that point on it was all in my mind. And my mind was and is made up.
I am not posting from strength or any moral or other superiority. I am telling you that I am more afraid of that one drink or smoke no matter how great it might taste or be, than anything in life and I mean anything. I can defend myself against wild animals and criminal humans. I can solve any problem that comes my way and accept the ones that I can't change. But I can't beat alcohol in my mind again, it just isn't in me to go another 18 years with either or even one day, which we all know is the same thing. I am so afraid of any drink or smoke that the thought of me taking a drink, just the thought, makes me shiver for a second.
I don't care if others drink around me or smoke around me because I am now a non-drinker and smoker. I am not pretending that. I am. I may be an addictive personality. I will always be an alcoholic and an ex smoker. Just as I will always be a non-smoker and non-drinker now. I can't go back in time and change yesterday, and sure don't fear tomorrow, because I can easily kick alcohol's axe today! Alcohol is not a rekationship I am afraid to offend because I might need that later and don't want to close that door. Alcohol fooled me for years that it was my friend all the while poisoning my drink with slow death in fact. I slammed the door in alcohols face. I burned the bridge. I humiliated it in my mind as much as it humi;liated me by becoming my own master, and kicking it completely, and irrevocably, out! The rest of the changes I need to make are much easuer sober.
If I am a jerk and boring sober, alcohol only amplifies that. Only sober can I become more interesting, by becoming more interested. I am becoming, in every sense of the word now.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Hi there! I'm looking at my pool too! Wondering why I can't be out there with wine. Well one reason is I'll be asleep by 8PM and I'll miss the fireworks. And If I'm not passed out I won't remember them anyway. Do I want to drink anyway? Hell yeah! It's the alcoholic in me that wants to get all freaky with my beverage and act like an ass in my pool.
I know how you feel. I try not to think about drinking in terms of forever - just like I'm told not to do by my AA peeps and SR. Just for today.....
I don't obsess as intensely as I did at one month. It is getting easier, but completely gone? No way. It's going to take a lot of time for me to get to the point that I don't associate holidays with drinking or even just sitting by my pool for that matter!
Don't feel badly you are so not alone my friend. 
I know how you feel. I try not to think about drinking in terms of forever - just like I'm told not to do by my AA peeps and SR. Just for today.....
I don't obsess as intensely as I did at one month. It is getting easier, but completely gone? No way. It's going to take a lot of time for me to get to the point that I don't associate holidays with drinking or even just sitting by my pool for that matter!
Don't feel badly you are so not alone my friend. Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 737
Originally Posted by huntwc 
1) I am in mourning...
2) I can't imagine EVER getting past the obsession part...
3) I am so very envious of "normal" drinkers...
It's not easy but it's a huge relief to know that you don't have to live with this daily struggle.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by huntwc
I can't imagine EVER getting past the obsession part...it seems impossible and I wonder how so many here have done it? I would LOVE to be this way but it seems so hopeless.
Realistic answer - learn to practice the spiritual principles that lead to a Spiritual Awakening.
"Hopeless" is the best place to start.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I'm always appreciative of these types of posts where someone is mourning the loss or struggling... and it's brave and honest to post them. You are NOT being a debbie downer... not at all. You're honest and expressing your feelings and concerns... and that's healthy and admirable... Keep it up! We all need to learn and grow from others' experiences...
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
I agree with Jennie your not a downer at all, and I know I feel the same way.
This is my first sober holiday since I was a child and I have been very anxious, and missing the party also. But waking up instead of coming to at always helps me remember all the days I said this sucks I feel like sh##. So I do a shot and grab a beer to feel better blah.
Trying to feel better just was slowing killing me.
Hang in there and just get through the day
This is my first sober holiday since I was a child and I have been very anxious, and missing the party also. But waking up instead of coming to at always helps me remember all the days I said this sucks I feel like sh##. So I do a shot and grab a beer to feel better blah.
Trying to feel better just was slowing killing me.
Hang in there and just get through the day
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