doomedwinter

hi. my name is mari, and my mother is an alcoholic. she has been drinking since 17, and is 47 now. everyday when i watch the news, i see perfectly inncoent people die, and i think, it should have been her. i hate my mother. i truly, truly do. she does not deserve anything she has gotten out of life. she has a big house, a great husband, and i have given her everything i possibly could. but not anymore. there is a new song by good charlotte about suicide. it doesnt sound so bad to me. she refuses to go to aa because she doesnt think she has a problem, and i cant bring myself to go to a support group. besides that, no one cares enough about me to take me. The pain she has caused me can never be forgiven. Before I realized what was going on, I had a ton of friends and was always happy. I got fabulous grades and everyone loved. Then, in 6th grade, I realized what was happening and alienated everyone except my best friend. I could never tell her, though. This year I have begun to accept the fact that not everyone hates me or is plotting against me, and I told my new best friend (the old one moved to chicago) about my mother. It turned out her aunt and uncle are the same way. I still get really good grades, but the only reason I do that is so I can get out of this house and into college with a full scholarship. My mom does not want me to go to college because she thinks (knows) we can't afford it. Upon telling me this I said, "And do you know WHY?" Of course she didn't. She was drunk. And bringing me home from school. I yelled, "You're wrong! I'm getting out of here and away from you! I will not see you nor speak to you until I come back to dance on your grave and laugh at your funeral." The people in the next lane gave us a petrified look. I have never said something that cruel, or that true. I do not regret saying it. Never have, never will. The light turned green. She sped off, swerving all over the road. We pulled up to a stop sign. I got out of the car and just started walking. I went to 3 different friend's houses, trying to find a place to stay, but I ended up walking around until 4 in the morning. Nobody ever knew this. She was passed out when I finally came in the door. Being out so late on the streets of Houston should have been terrifying. But the strange thing was, I had never felt so safe and secure. Today was a turning point. I have decided, the second my stepdad gets home, that my life is changing. I'm not putting up with this. I am going to confront her one more time, and if she does not admit she has a problem, I'm calling CPS. There is no other way.

CarolD

I am sorry for your situation.

Please go to the Family and Friends forum and re post.

Your story might help another.

Justme57

You have not said how old you are , but I guess you are a young person.

I feel the hopelessness and pain in your post , and while you say " no one cares enough to take me to a meeting" , the first step must come from you !

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can achieve by confronting your mother , except to cause yourself more pain, your mum has an illness, and at this time , she is not in control of her actions regarding drink.This is something she has to come to grips with herself .

BUT you can help YOU. Ring either Alanon, or Alateen, from your phone book, and ask for help. That is the first step. can you enlist the help of your step dad , to get help for YOU?

Concenrate on getting help for yourself , then you will be better able to cope with the problems . you will be surprised at the people you will meet who either are , or have been where you are !

I send you a big ((((( hug)))) cos i think you could do with one !

LUV and HUGX
Lee

Gabe

I can relate to a lot of what you posted. My mother was a practicing alcoholic for most of my younger years. It was routine for me to come home from school and find her passed out in bed. I couldn't understand what her problem was either. She had a loving husband who was a good provider. She never had to work. She had a nice house in a good neighborhood. But she still kept drinking.
Is there a way that you can get help from a school counselor? Can you contact Alateen in your area? Maybe someone in the program could give you rides to meetings. I went to Alateen meetings and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm sorry that you are so young and feel so alone. That is not right. I think the worst thing about all this is feeling like a motherless child. I know that feeling all too well.
Hugs to you sweetie. I hope that you can find a way to make your life better. You sound determined to make that happen and I'm glad to hear that.
This is a great forum and you will find a lot of encouragement, strength and hope here. Stick around.
Peace,
Gabe

renae_1023

Well sweetie I really feel sorry for you. I am so sorry you feel so alone. I am your neighbor being in Galveston. I grew up feeling alone however my adopted mom wasn't an alcoholic, but...my husband is. I was born in Houston, and I was taken away from my BIO mom because she was an alcoholic when i was 1, and she died in 1987 of sorosis of the liver and i never met her. In 1995 I went to meet my bio DAD in Cali, and he is GUESS what, An alcoholic....
Enough of me, my point is that I went to Alanon, and they are wonderful, and they can and will help you. If you step dad will help you then talk to him, if not, do you have a relative you can stay with?
My IM on AOL is txbrunette1 if you ever need to talk(email renae_1023******.com) ...My step daughter is 17 so I can relate, her dad, my husband is an alcoholic...always here if you need us ~~Renae~~

constant

Hey Mari,

I wanted to stop and welcome you to this forum. There are many of us here that are or have been living with an alcoholic. It is a very difficult thing to understand....why don't they care enough about any one else to stop.....can't they see what they have done to their loved ones.....the questions go on and on. Truth is they are very selfish and fighting an inner battle that we can't even comprehend.

Talking w/ a counselor at school and finding support is a great idea. Do you have a local church? Lot's of times they have Alateen or Alanon there. Get help for yourself.....you deserve it. There are many folks out there that would love to help you out anyway they could....a ride to a meeting.....going to the movies or just hanging out. You are special!!! (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

Keep posting, and know that you DO have CARING friends here.
Blessings,
Constant

doomedwinter

sorry i haven't been here in a while, but there's been a ton of stuff going on in my house. my parents are getting divorced, and i discovered my mother is in huge huge huge amounts of debt and has virtually no money. my aunt will take me in, and i have stayed with her off and on for about a month or two. im going to start going to alateen next week. i have a good feeling about this. and by the way, im 12.

FOGBGONE

Mari, I am so glad to hear that you are trying to get out of that situation!! I grew up exactly the same with both parents as alcoholics. I am 27 and they are 49 and 48, my dad still denies a problem and my mon=m says she does not care to stop. I am helping myself though. Keep it up Girl!! Go to the meetings as often as you can and get on this site often too. Hope to hear from you often. May God bless you Rhonda

Tilly

I am very new to this board and right now would not dream of passing advice but I am reading alot and I am so glad you are getting to a safe place. I too had a mother who drank and used pills my whole life and now a son so I do understand the horror you have been in. Chin up girl keep moving foward for you. MY!!! how we mature at age 12 when we are living with alcoholic parents!!!

Daffodil

Mari,

I just read your post...I am so sorry you are going through the same stuff I lived through as a child..Both my parents were Alcoholics....

You are one smart girl....There is a way out for you...Your coming here is a gaint step forward for YOU...I know what it means to feel alone, different and apart from....

I found my help in Al-Anon...Please keep your promise to yourself and find an Alateen meeting...You can also call Al-Anon. Here where I live there isn't an Alateen group but there those of us in Al-Anon who can be called by a teen if they chose to do so.. If there are no meetings for you keep coming back here...

YOU ARE NOT ALONE unless You chose to be....here at Sober Recovery there are those of us who have been where you are and understand as few others can...

Love and prayers from one who cares....

Aunt Daffy

DarkGravity

Hey There-

I'm a little older than ya (21 yr. old female) but I just wanted to let you know that I live in Houston (galleria area in afton oaks) and if you are having trouble finding a way to a meeting, I would be more than happy to donate my time and gas to give you a ride to alateen a couple times until you are able to meet a friend in the program that can take you or a family member that can. I don't know of any locations in houston (i'n sure there are a lot out there though), but if you need help finding some, I'd be more than happy to look around also. I know how resources are limited at your age, yet you still have to deal with such mature problems! I am so glad that you have decided to not put up with your mother's alcoholism and are going to live with your aunt! You have a good head on your shoulders and seem extremely determined to live life on your terms and get somewhere in life and not let your mothers illness drag you down from reaching your dreams in life! Please keep coming back, there are so many wonderful people here to reach out to and for support.

Take Care!