Update on son; daughter still hooked
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 59
Update on son; daughter still hooked
Hi, Everyone,
I have not been on in a long time; two jobs, school, and enjoying life with my clean son.
About a year-and-a half ago, I sent my son to jail. He got out, his dad got high with him, my son violated his house arrest to go fishing with his dad. Son went back to jail and spent 5 months in county.
You all helped me so much! I cannot thank you enough. God helped me, too, and I do not thank him enough.
I learned to say "enough" to my son. While he was in jail, we wrote, I visited, he called and over a five-month period of time, I watched him resolve to get off pills on his own. I think his turning point was when he was in his 4th month in and got beat up just before he and I had a visit. The CO's wanted to take him to the hospital, but he refused to miss our visit.
While he was in, he joined NA and AA, got his GED, and found himself. He got out last September and has been clean and sober since. He has a job, too! Yay! It was hard for him to tell his friends and his father that he isn't going to sacrifice his sobriety by renewing those old relationships where they are still using. We've had a few times where I thought he was close to relapsing, but I stayed back and let him come to me to talk himself out of it. It is nice to finally trust him again.
My daughter, also on pills, I also turned in when I found out she was using again while she was on Pre-trial intervention for battery on LEO after a she resisted arrest while she was high and drunk. She disappeared for a year; we learned she was back at her ex-boyfriend's house with him and his mother who is a dealer. The ex used to beat her to a bloody pulp. My son and I called the tip line since my daughter had warrants stemming from the battery charges. I knew if I sent the police over there, those people would give her up since they were dealers.
I think I messed up. My daughter turned down 2 years prison and took 2 years probation. I hoped that she would take the prison time, but she didn't. She talks about wanting to get clean, but I don't see it, I don't feel it, I don't trust it. My son doesn't want her here either.
I feel bad because I don't feel bad about not wanting her here. I love her, but I've enjoyed a year of positives, of moving forward, of re-defining myself and watching my son grow to be this incredible young man.
Either she goes to a rehab facility or she moves out. I am done. Today, she wanted to go the the ex's house. Ex is in jail, so she was going to visit with his mother; a pot dealer on disability. I asked Judy why she would go over to that house, where there are drugs and with scummy people like that. She replied, "Disability is not enough to live off of..." I told her that if she went, then she should pack her things and go back there to live.
I am not going to let her or me guilt me into putting up with anymore of the drugs, the drama, the police, the threats, the lying, the stealing, or any of it.
I have not been on in a long time; two jobs, school, and enjoying life with my clean son.
About a year-and-a half ago, I sent my son to jail. He got out, his dad got high with him, my son violated his house arrest to go fishing with his dad. Son went back to jail and spent 5 months in county.
You all helped me so much! I cannot thank you enough. God helped me, too, and I do not thank him enough.
I learned to say "enough" to my son. While he was in jail, we wrote, I visited, he called and over a five-month period of time, I watched him resolve to get off pills on his own. I think his turning point was when he was in his 4th month in and got beat up just before he and I had a visit. The CO's wanted to take him to the hospital, but he refused to miss our visit.
While he was in, he joined NA and AA, got his GED, and found himself. He got out last September and has been clean and sober since. He has a job, too! Yay! It was hard for him to tell his friends and his father that he isn't going to sacrifice his sobriety by renewing those old relationships where they are still using. We've had a few times where I thought he was close to relapsing, but I stayed back and let him come to me to talk himself out of it. It is nice to finally trust him again.
My daughter, also on pills, I also turned in when I found out she was using again while she was on Pre-trial intervention for battery on LEO after a she resisted arrest while she was high and drunk. She disappeared for a year; we learned she was back at her ex-boyfriend's house with him and his mother who is a dealer. The ex used to beat her to a bloody pulp. My son and I called the tip line since my daughter had warrants stemming from the battery charges. I knew if I sent the police over there, those people would give her up since they were dealers.
I think I messed up. My daughter turned down 2 years prison and took 2 years probation. I hoped that she would take the prison time, but she didn't. She talks about wanting to get clean, but I don't see it, I don't feel it, I don't trust it. My son doesn't want her here either.
I feel bad because I don't feel bad about not wanting her here. I love her, but I've enjoyed a year of positives, of moving forward, of re-defining myself and watching my son grow to be this incredible young man.
Either she goes to a rehab facility or she moves out. I am done. Today, she wanted to go the the ex's house. Ex is in jail, so she was going to visit with his mother; a pot dealer on disability. I asked Judy why she would go over to that house, where there are drugs and with scummy people like that. She replied, "Disability is not enough to live off of..." I told her that if she went, then she should pack her things and go back there to live.
I am not going to let her or me guilt me into putting up with anymore of the drugs, the drama, the police, the threats, the lying, the stealing, or any of it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Well done, Mom! Glad your son is doing so well and that you "got him back." Your daughter's journey is what it is, and good for you for deciding just how much you are going to interact with that journey of hers. Being the mom of an addict is not for weenies!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
It's so nice to hear that your son is doing so well.....and that YOU are doing so well! That's wonderful!
Your daughter's journey will be what it will be.
I'll keep all of you in my prayers today.
gentle hugs
ke
Your daughter's journey will be what it will be.
I'll keep all of you in my prayers today.
gentle hugs
ke
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
I'm not sure why you expected your daughter to take the 2 years in prison instead of the 2 years of probation? Jails/prisons are not very nice or soft places. They are, however, consequences of using and being around illegal activities.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 59
My daughter said she wanted to be done with drugs, pay her dues, and start over. The judge offered her 2 years probation or two year of prison.
In many ways I understand why she did not want prison, but I know her. The phone calls with people she gets high with has already started. She's ready to go back to hanging out with her ex-bf's mother she "feels sorry for", but who is a pot dealer. My daughter justifies this woman's illegal business by saying, "disability checks are not enough to live off if." My daughter will not go to a meeting until her probation officer tells her to go.
I guess the only saving grace here is that she agreed to let me pull surprise drug tests on her in addition to the drug tests she will be forced to take through probation. I already know she knows how to get around the court's drug tests, which is why I insist on doing it, too. (Her father showed her how to get around the court ordered drug tests) She understood and agreed to my terms; she knows if she refuses, she must leave.
In many ways I understand why she did not want prison, but I know her. The phone calls with people she gets high with has already started. She's ready to go back to hanging out with her ex-bf's mother she "feels sorry for", but who is a pot dealer. My daughter justifies this woman's illegal business by saying, "disability checks are not enough to live off if." My daughter will not go to a meeting until her probation officer tells her to go.
I guess the only saving grace here is that she agreed to let me pull surprise drug tests on her in addition to the drug tests she will be forced to take through probation. I already know she knows how to get around the court's drug tests, which is why I insist on doing it, too. (Her father showed her how to get around the court ordered drug tests) She understood and agreed to my terms; she knows if she refuses, she must leave.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by coolrobin2 
I guess the only saving grace here is that she agreed to let me pull surprise drug tests on her in addition to the drug tests she will be forced to take through probation. I already know she knows how to get around the court's drug tests, which is why I insist on doing it, too. (Her father showed her how to get around the court ordered drug tests) She understood and agreed to my terms; she knows if she refuses, she must leave.
Personally I no longer take a front row seat to my oldest daughter's addictions. She has to have at least 2 years solid recovery before she can even set foot in my home.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by Freedom1990
I'm glad that your son is doing so well. It sure sounds like your daughter isn't anywhere near ready for recovery.
Personally I no longer take a front row seat to my oldest daughter's addictions. She has to have at least 2 years solid recovery before she can even set foot in my home.
Personally I no longer take a front row seat to my oldest daughter's addictions. She has to have at least 2 years solid recovery before she can even set foot in my home.
I am kicking myself in the butt right now, as well I should for allowing myself to get back to a crappy situation all over again.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
Originally Posted by coolrobin2
I pretty much locked myself in my bedroom this holiday weekend.
Know you do not walk this path alone,
Mom to Mom Huggs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 59
Well, she blew me away this week... We got into on Wednesday morning and the other family in my house back me up for the FIRST TIME. We had an impromptu intervention as it turned out.
Today, my son mentioned I had drug tests in the house. My daughter asked me for one and did it; clean from everything. She got a job and is doing community service on Sunday. She actually handed me her pay from last night and asked me to keep it for her.
Now, we'll see if she will keep it up. She went to a meeting yesterday without being ordered to. She also called her "friends" and asked them not to call or come over-she did this while I was at work.
Today, my son mentioned I had drug tests in the house. My daughter asked me for one and did it; clean from everything. She got a job and is doing community service on Sunday. She actually handed me her pay from last night and asked me to keep it for her.
Now, we'll see if she will keep it up. She went to a meeting yesterday without being ordered to. She also called her "friends" and asked them not to call or come over-she did this while I was at work.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 77
coolrobin,
What a happy surprise!
Your good news reminds me of this in the Nar-anon Blue Booklet: "Remember all people are always changing. When we judge them, we judge on what we believe we know of them, failing to realize that there is much we do not know . . . ."
What a happy surprise!
Your good news reminds me of this in the Nar-anon Blue Booklet: "Remember all people are always changing. When we judge them, we judge on what we believe we know of them, failing to realize that there is much we do not know . . . ."
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i am proud of your son & i can understand why he did not want her in the house. i am surprised you let her come there. i hope this week is proving she will do the right things. miracles happen everyday. i will say a prayer for her & you & her brother. hugs,
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