24Years

I moved out in March from AH (or alcohol abusing husband...not sure which). Since the move, he has not spoken to me much at all except for what has been necessitated because of our two teens. Our teens go to his home every other weekend during the day. Tomorrow, 4th of July, he invited me to go with them. He thinks the kids would appreciate all of us being together since we are both their parents.

Although he (apparently) cut down his drinking, he has not addressed (or acknowledged) why I left to begin with (was abusing alcohol). He won’t drink while all of us are together but he will limit the time we are there if he intends to drink. Isn't this (at least) sending mixed messages to our teens? Let me know what you think?

LexieCat

What mixed message is he sending?

Apparently he intends to drink. Seems pretty clear to me, not mixed at all.

Your kids might benefit from Alateen, and you, from Al-Anon. How do the kids feel about his behavior when they are with him?

Pelican

I would ask your children.

LexieCat

Oops, sorry, I think I misread. You are asking if your going for the weekend is sending mixed messages, I think?

I don't see why. You can go, and have a nice time, or if you will not enjoy it, decline the invitation. Lots of separated/divorced parents engage in occasional activities with the kids.

dollydo

Hmmm, this is a tough one. I guess if I felt comfortable with the circumstances, I would go, for a short amount of time, I would drive my own car, and leave when I was ready to. Under those circumstances, I must have my wheels. I personally do not like to feel trapped.

As for his drinking, not a thing you can do about it. Your sons know the score, they have their own way of dealing with him and his mixed messages.

Regardless of what you decide, enjoy your 4th.

24Years

Thanks for all of your advice...and I agree, Dollydo, that I should have my own car; and limit the time. Thanks, Pelican for the suggestion. I asked my teens (daughter 16 and son 15) and they both are fine with it. I'll wait tomorrow to decide for certain.

Carol Star

Drive yourself.....

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

I am the same boat as far as the kids go and I feel if we can get together for our kids and enjoy the time, then why not. I know that we are over but will always have our children and a harmless few hours enjoying each others company could be doable. We will see if that can happen. Play it by ear and if doesn't work out then don't do it again.